I keep having this urge to send my therapist sexually explicit messages

I'm going to try to save myself the embarrassment, but I've been close to doing this a few times and I'm not sure what i want to accomplish by doing it.

If you feel able to raise it with your T, it might be useful to explore the desire and what meanings it might have for you with them.

Maybe you are just wanting to see the reaction, hoping they like it? I have no idea. For sure talk about it, something like this could cause them to refer you out so I'd not go there. Talking it out is best

Probably should talk about this urge with the therapist rather than actually do it. It would be a good way to quickly be referred to a different therapist. A therapist is not going to put himself in a position of perhaps being accused of any sort of unethical practice, and dealing with that kind of overt sexual acting out puts them in a very precarious position that would make most rather uncomfortable. It is okay to have those urges and thoughts; talk about them if you must. But acting on those urges and thoughts is an entirely different matter.

Think of it this way. How would you feel about someone you know professionally sending you explicit sexual messages? You would actually have grounds for a sexual harassment charge if you chose to do so. It is often wise to consider how you would handle being put in the position you are considering placing someone else in.

I have opposite problem my T is always asking me for nudies of me. I never had a desire to send dirty old men sexy images. You should definitely discuss with him before implementing your desire to avoid legal issues of sexual harassment

Why would a therapist ask for nudes? That's very concerning and unethical behavior. I'd get a new therapist ASAP

If it makes you feel any better, I’ve had this desire before too. Not in the sense of actually considering acting on it, but the thought of “I wonder how he would respond? Would he like it?”
Especially if he didn’t know it was me. I would never actually do it, but I do understand the feelings behind it!

Usually when a patient becomes attracted to their therapist, it is because of something called
“transference.”

I attempted to post something from psychcentral, but I see it is not allowed. So if you Google transference yourself, and see search results for psychoanalysis or psychology, check that information out.

It’s natural and not a bad thing to be attracted to your therapist, but you need to think about how you are going to address this. I prefer what others have mentioned: let your therapist know what you are feeling or what you are thinking of doing.

I’ve felt the attraction to my therapist, however it sort of evolved into a strong relationship with trust and I really admire him. I never told him how I felt because I knew what it was and just kind of acknowledged it to myself and was aware of it... I’m married and he was married... So I didn’t want to chance messing life up for both of us. And I didn’t want to have to be referred to a different therapist either.

I wish you well and urge you to think about what is really important in your relationship with your therapist before you act on your thoughts/feelings.

I see you don’t yet have 5 posts. I think that is why you could not post.

Welcome to PC!

It is very unfortunate that people keep posting with unfortunate misunderstandings about transference. Yes, we are supposed to like our therapists at least enough to work well with them , and we might be attracted to them. HOWEVER if this becomes overpowering IT IS NOT GOOD. Yes, talk it out with them and they will explain the boundaries. If you continue to have these thoughts, change therapists, because you are supposed to be doing therapy to solve some of your problems, not obscure them or create even more problems with this compulsion. I always use professionals of the same sex because I think they understand me better, but the added bonus is that I dont have this problem.

I have heard of people having erotic transference with therapists of the same sex - even when they are heterosexual. Apparently, nobody is safe.

Actually I used to have another name/handle. I’ve been coming to PsychCentral for years. But thanks for the Welcome, just the same!

WTF? You mean he directly asks you to do this? Please tell me you don't do it.

I don't think all attraction towards a therapist falls under the transference category. I agree the therapist needs to be comfortable enough to discuss it and explore why a person is feeling this way, but it's a much larger conversation than boundaries in my opinion. I also respectfully disagree that a person should go see another therapist if the feelings don't go away... Not necessarily. For some people, like myself, having an attraction to, sexual feelings for, or however it gets labeled can be a motivation force allowing the person to be more open and receiving in the therapy environment. These feelings don't always ambush therapy or create more problems.