[SummerTime12]

I got drunk last night and woke up to find that I had emailed my therapist nudes, along with a really explicit message saying things I wanted to do to him…I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know if anyone remembers me, but I used to post here. I’m feeling a whole lot of emotions, but apparently he’s not mad, so that’s good. Idk what I’m looking for, but I needed to get this out.

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[SlumberKitty]

I'm sorry this happened. It must be really embarrassing and probably lots of other things for you too. What kinds of emotions are you experiencing? When is your next session with your T?

[NP_Complete]

I imagine you must be feeling pretty vulnerable right now. It's good that he's not mad. That's a place to start anyway. How are you feeling about showing up for your next session? When is your next session? Can you do a phone session in the interim?

[SlumberKitty]

NP, vulnerable is a good word. I was trying to think of something like that. OP, what can you do to help yourself feel strong and protected right now?

[SummerTime12]

I think vulnerable is the perfect word to describe how I’m feeling. I was SUPER anxious until he replied to my apology email. I’m both ashamed I did that and also worried he found the nudes (which were only waist up thank god) ugly. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about that, but my mind is going crazy with all the possibilities. In my apology email I told him I hope his eyes are ok I see him tomorrow morning, so I guess we’ll deal with it then.

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[SlumberKitty]

I'm so sorry that happened. I'm hoping you can find something strong and empowering to do tonight that is healthy, like maybe do some weight lifting or kick boxing or something that will help you feel strong and protected (to fight against the vulnerable feelings). I'm glad your session is soon so you don't have to worry longer than necessary. Hope you feel better soon.

[SummerTime12]

@SlumberKitty I have work tonight so that will help keep me distracted and hopefully make me feel competent. It will also keep me from drinking, which is good lol.

I feel really bad because he didn’t ask to see them. I get those kind of pictures from guys all the time and while it’s not super upsetting anymore, I don’t want to be like them.

I’ve had a few manic episodes in the last few months where I’ve been really sexualized with him, and during those times he’s admitted a lot of things to me too, so I don’t think he’s gonna be turned off by the pictures, but I still feel bad. That’s a whole other topic though.. I don’t know if everything he shares is appropriate. A while back most people told me it wasn’t, but it’s gotten more intense since then, which adds another dynamic to these pictures. I’m just rambling now, but basically I think something bad might be going on but I can’t get myself to see it.

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[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, Summer. I understand the vulnerable feeling. I hope your T is understanding and helpful when you talk to him tomorrow. Do you think last night was part of a manic episode as well, or more that you were drunk (or do you maybe drink more during manic episodes)? Be prepared for him to maybe want to talk to you about your drinking, if he hasn't already.

So, this is a different sort of thing, but is tied to feeling vulnerable regarding one's T. There was a situation earlier this year where I'd gotten drunk (while by myself) and started feeling really awful about myself and was in a bad place. So I reached out to my T (it was still pretty early, like 8:30), and he was able to do a Zoom session with me.

I sent him a thank-you email after. But it didn't fully occur to me until just before the next session that he'd seen me drunk, and I suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. Like maybe he would admit he was disgusted by me or horrified that I'd also had part of a beer while talking to him that evening. But he was very supportive and caring (though we did discuss my drinking). I felt awkward and a bit ashamed when he said he could tell that I was drunk by how I was speaking (and mentioned the beer I had a few sips of) and that I'd seemed to sober up by the end of the session.

It all worked out to be OK though. In a weird way, I think it helped the therapy some that he saw me that vulnerable and (as he put it) "emotionally fragile." I'd cried in session before, but not like that. So maybe he understands better how my emotions can just crash at times.

Again, I know your situation is different, but it's also possible that it could help to open up some important dialogue between you. I just hope for your sake that your T will stay relatively boundaried and appropriate about it (even though I understand how part of you may not want him to).

[SummerTime12]

Thanks for that perspective @LonesomeTonight

I would certainly feel anxious about my T seeing me drunk too (knowing me I’d hit on him)! I think it’s great that he was able to help you work through those feelings and just accepted you for how you were in that moment. I think we can both learn from these incidents that it’s almost always best not to drink alone, haha.

There is a part of me that wishes he’d break boundaries, but also a part that is scared he will. He has never done anything physical, but when I’m manic and saying sexual things to him, he definitely responds and answers things I ask him..like saying my chest is attractive and that he feels desire for me are two recent ones. It kind of feels like we’re slipping, but at the same time not really because I’m like 99% confident he’d never allow us to actually touch?

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[RoxanneToto]

I think it’s a slippery slope, to be honest. From what you’ve written he is crossing boundaries he shouldn’t as a therapist. I’m not blaming you for the situation you find yourself in, though. It’s his responsibility to uphold his professional boundaries if you or any other clients bring sex/intimacy up.

[Rive.]

I was going to say that I hope he has a serious talk about boundaries with you when you next meet but reading how he is leading you on? No wonder boundaries are being crossed. The message he is sending is ambiguous. His behaviour is utterly unethical and is a *major* red flag. He is a 'dangerous' man (he doesn't deserve the label of therapist).

And yes, you are both slipping.

[Lemoncake]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

There is a part of me that wishes he’d break boundaries, but also a part that is scared he will. He has never done anything physical, but when I’m manic and saying sexual things to him, he definitely responds and answers things I ask him..like saying my chest is attractive and that he feels desire for me are two recent ones. It kind of feels like we’re slipping, but at the same time not really because I’m like 99% confident he’d never allow us to actually touch?

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I'm not blaming you at all and can fully understand erotic transference in the therapy room, but please be careful here. The stuff in bold is a warning sign. It might feel good, but it has the potential to really hurt you. Comments like that are not okay from a T.

[ArtleyWilkins]

He does not sound like a professionally boundaried therapist at all. All sorts of red flags going up. Might be time to find a therapist who can keep boundaries with clients.

[LonesomeTonight]

It did jump out at me that you said you were "99% sure" he wouldn't touch you, because that suggests you still have some doubts.

I do hope your session goes/went well this morning and that you'll update when you have a chance. Feel free to PM me, too.

[SummerTime12]

Ok so I had my session. It did feel kinda awkward sitting across from him knowing what he’s seen, but not unbearable. He tried to reassure me that I don’t need to feel ashamed, but I def still feel ashamed haha. He also said that he would not refer me out for being impulsive, because impulsivity is a big reason why I’m in therapy. He did say that if the sexual thoughts are too strong to the point that I can’t focus, maybe it would be time to look at other options (like a new therapist), but he doesn’t think that’s necessary because I seem to only act overly sexual when I’m manic. He’s also concerned about me drinking alone. He said emailing him was probably the safest outcome that could have happened.

I think I messed up because I asked him what he thought of the nudes, and told him I was worried he found them ugly. He said he thought the opposite and then said when it comes to my negative perception of my body, he can now definitively say that my negative perception is wrong. Then he said I’m very very attractive. This made me feel good of course, but I feel like it also messes with my head kinda.

I think @Rive. might be right that his messages are ambiguous. On the one hand, he always says we’ll never ever have sex, but on the other hand, he responds to my overly sexual questions when I’m manic (which I know is my fault for asking) and tells me things like he’s aroused, he thinks about having sex with me, that I have an attractive body, that he’d want to see my nudes but it would be a bad idea, that having sex would feel “unbelievably good,” that he’s felt tempted at times when I’m coming on to him.

My brains hurts honestly. I hear everyone saying there are red flags, and at times I can see it, but most of the time I feel like everything is fine. I feel stuck, even though I know I could leave and get a new therapist any time. It’s like I’m too emotionally attached idk how to even begin to think about a new therapist.

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[LonesomeTonight]

Summer, I understand your conflicted feelings here. Also that he's messing with your head and giving you mixed signals.

You say that it's your fault for asking him sexual questions when you're manic, but the burden of that shouldn't be on you. You should be able to ask him whatever you want to. The burden and responsibility is on him to uphold the boundaries of the relationship. If you ask him if you have an attractive body, his answer should be more along the lines of "It doesn't matter what I think of your body" or "Why is it important for you to know how I feel about your body?" Not "I think your body is attractive." He certainly shouldn't tell you that he's felt "tempted." It's like he's leading you on.

I just want to make it clear that this is something that *he* is doing wrong, not that you're doing wrong. I mean, I wouldn't suggest sending him nudes again, though I doubt you will. But I also think part of why you felt it was OK to send them is that he suggested it would be, that he even wanted them (even if he didn't come right out and ask you to send them). I just don't want you to blame yourself.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I think @Rive. might be right that his messages are ambiguous. On the one hand, he always says we’ll never ever have sex, but on the other hand, he responds to my overly sexual questions when I’m manic (which I know is my fault for asking) and tells me things like he’s aroused, he thinks about having sex with me, that I have an attractive body, that he’d want to see my nudes but it would be a bad idea, that having sex would feel “unbelievably good,” that he’s felt tempted at times when I’m coming on to him.



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This is concerning. This therapist has options about how to respond that are much more professional and boundaried. He actively chooses almost the least boundaried response. He feeds your mania rather than working with you to keep it in check.

[SummerTime12]

Update: I was hospitalized shortly after this post and just got released. I told the staff there about what was happening and they were literally so shocked and appalled that they got the DIRECTOR of the hospital involved and even went so far as to call his behavior abusive. They wanted to report him to his supervisor, but I didn’t sign a consent because I want time to think about it. Hearing a whole team of professionals, peers at the hospital, and you guys say his behavior was inappropriate and unethical has made me more receptive to thinking this might be the case. I can see how him sexualizing me is harmful to me as it makes me feel less safe processing trauma and feeds my mania, but at the same time I trust him so much and have worked closely with him for 5 years. I’m still nervous to cut ties and confront him, but I’m seeing a new therapist this week in addition to him. The hospital also notified my psychiatrist about everything I disclosed, so she’ll be following up with me about it. I start a trauma IOP in 2.5 weeks and they notified them as well.

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[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I think it’s a slippery slope, to be honest. From what you’ve written he is crossing boundaries he shouldn’t as a therapist. I’m not blaming you for the situation you find yourself in, though. It’s his responsibility to uphold his professional boundaries if you or any other clients bring sex/intimacy up.

Yes! That was the impression I was getting. Of course it is not her fault. She’s the one in treatment anyway and she said she was intoxicated. But prior to this it seems like he was dancing around the possibility of something and that’s not a good thing.

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[ArtleyWilkins]

Glad to hear you are seeing this therapist more clearly now, but I hope you will cut ties with him completely and move on. He will do you more damage than good. Listen to all of the professionals who are appalled by his actions. This is a time to trust their judgment and steer clear of this therapist.

[SummerTime12]

So I don’t think my therapist is the problem.. I just went to see him, planning to confront him, but I’m still manic and hypersexual so looking back it prob wasn’t a good idea. I literally got on my knees in front of him and took off my shirt and asked to give him head. I’m so impulsive I don’t know how to function anymore. He kept trying to close his eyes and just said over and over “you can trust that I’m going to keep this boundary” and “it’s not going to happen”

I am so messed up. This is all me, not him.

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[ArtleyWilkins]

No, it is not all you. But you sound rather out of control. Have you contacted your pdoc?

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

No, it is not all you. But you sound rather out of control. Have you contacted your pdoc?

I really feel like it’s all me after what happened today. I’m hesitant to contact my pdoc because I’m afraid she’s gonna be frustrated with me for lying about mania symptoms to get out of the hospital. I do feel extremely out of control though—I even had sex with another patient while inpatient. I can’t tell my pdoc that though bc she’s affiliated with the hospital and I don’t want to get banned from there. I feel like a complete f u c k up

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[ArtleyWilkins]

It's time to make that phone call to your pdoc and play straight with her. She cannot help you if she's only working with part of the information. You may need to med adjustment; and yes, you may need to be inpatient until this manic episode subsides. Not fun, but definitely safer.

[LonesomeTonight]

Summer, I agree that you at least need to tell your pdoc that you're still having symptoms of mania. You don't have to tell them about having sex with another patient in the hospital. But I think you should tell them about what you did at your therapist's. Or at the very least, say that you're having sexual impulses and having difficulty in controlling them.

It's good your T held the boundary I guess?...but I think he also should have insisted you talk to pdoc and/or possibly go to the hospital. I'm not saying that to judge you, but you aren't in a safe state of mind.

I also worry about how you felt with him rejecting you in that situation. As I imagine that was very painful, especially with his sending you such mixed signals. Are you OK right now? Are you safe? Please check in when you can.