[A_Long_ways]

I've had a lot of free time on my hands lately and my mind has been wandering to areas I haven't pondered in a very long time. Recently, I guess the past month or so, I have been trying to figure out what I believe in. I look around, and I see endless suffering in all corners of the globe. I see greedy, evil men running corporations and countries. I am a pessimist, I will acknowledge that. But I have been trying to look for good in the world. I see small glimmers of good here and there but as a whole I feel it's a cut-throat environment where everyone is only focused on making themselves another dollar and stepping on anyone they need to just to get it.

I want to believe there is a higher power. I want to believe there is a warden that keeps tabs on the good and the bad. I want to believe that this power notices me, and notices all of the good that I try to give. I just have such a hard time actually BELIEVING it. I have always tried to be the best person I can be. I am not a saint, but I do what I can. I give money/clothes to the homeless. I am always here for friends and family when they need me, emotionally or physically. I'm the guy that says "bless you" in a silent room full of people when someone sneezes. I know that sounds like a bad example but I just mean, I try to help with even the little things.

But then I open my eyes to the world around me and ask myself why I'm trying to be a good person. I'm not saying I want to live a life of crime or anything, I just mean why do I keep putting in this extra effort to be nice and courteous if nobody else does. I don't hear "bless you" when I sneeze. It's rare that I call someone for emotional help, but when I do, it's often "Can we do this another time". I watch as person after person don't hold the door for the next.

I feel like I'm rambling, but I hope someone understands.

I look at the earth, the galaxy, the universe, and can't help but feel that it was crafted by a genius to end all genius's. I look at these magnificent creations and wonder why the creator of it all would even care about me. Then I begin to think about the people who fortune has smiled upon. The CEO's lining their pockets with our hard earned cash, only to up prices the next day and order us to slave more just to eat. The actors and athletes who cheat on their spouses like it's a normal thing to do. The wall street traders who have the power with the flick of their wrist to bleed a company dry. So much evil, so little good. Why do the ruthless get power and the righteous get poverty?

Maybe I'm hoping for too much. Maybe I should just accept that justice is rarely served. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time believing there is some sort of higher power watching over us. I just feel like if there WAS something watching over us, it would prevent all of the suffering we go through on a daily basis. I dunno, I just wish I had some sort of explaination for the way the world works. Why traits that are so important and heavily instilled in me are completely devoid in others. I'm not saying "I know what's best". I am just saying there are things that I believe are good core values. Don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal. Be your brothers keeper. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Yet these simple courtesies are almost all but extinct.

I'm sorry if this turned out to be a rant. I think I finally filled to the brim with these feelings and wanted to get them out. I don't know what to believe in. I feel like a lost soul. Like everyone else gets it but I don't. I won't even begin to try to explain where my mind goes when I think about the afterlife because frankly I have no idea what to believe.

[KathyM]

Hi Long Ways

It gets to me too sometimes, but you can't carry the world on your shoulders. I'm irritated by the rich and famous in this world too, but they have their share of sadness and grief. Golden trophies in life don't really provide much comfort or warmth, and you can't expect to thrive by consuming cash. A superficial life isn't really life.

If you're living a "good" life, continue to do so and contribute where you can, even when it's hard and you get nothing in return. It's not about what you get out of life, it's what you've given to this world.

When you're old and all dried up, at the end of your line....you can look back at all good things you attempted to do and all the kindness you have shown. You might even be able to laugh at all the rude and greedy people who crossed paths with you along the way - you'll be able to laugh because at that point, they will no longer matter to you.

I prefer to go along with the belief there is a higher power watching over us, but one who can't always protect us from life and the obstacles we have to face here on earth.

[A_Long_ways]

That is mostly how I feel. I may not be in the best place financially or emotionally, but I have a clean conscience. Maybe it's just hard for me to understand how others, like the ones I previously described, can even sleep at night. I guess it will just take time for me to laugh at the bad people in this world. I mean, back in high school I felt this way too but now I look back at those people and just laugh because of how fake and superficial they were. I think I will continue to have a bit of an issue with my faith and spirituality, but I will keep searching for it.

[anderson]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=123564
This is a poem that someone posted its not about what he other guy did or did not do but it is about what I want to be remembered by. I could quote from different people and different books. But the simple truth is the way I am living being true to my self can I sleep at night with the facts of how I choice to live my life.When you no longer look at the other guy that is when you will find peace within yourself.

[Hunny]

A_Long_ways:

Just was reading this and thought it may have some meaning to you in your search. It is from the preface of 'Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton'.

"....The murderous din of our materialism cannot be allowed to silence the independent voices which will never cease to speak: whether they be the voices of Christian Saints, or the voices Oriental sages like Lao-Tse or the Zen Masters, or the voices of men like Thoreau or Martin Buber, or Max Picard. It is all very well to insist that man is a "social animal" - the fact is obvious enough. But that is no justification for making him a mere cog in a totalitarian machine-or in a religious one either, for that matter.
In actual fact, society depends for its existence on the inviolable personal solitude of its members. Society, to merit its name, must be made up not of numbers, or nechanical units, but of persons. To be a person implies responsibility and freedom, and both these imply a certain interior solitude, a sense of personal integrity, a sense of one's own reality and of one's ability to give himself to society-or to refuse that gift.

When men are merely submerged in a mass of impersonal human beings pushed around by automatic forces, they lose their true humanity, their integrity, their ability to love, their capacity for self-determination. When society is made up of men who know no interior solitude it can no longer be held together by love: and consequently it is held together by a violent and abusive authority. But when men are violently deprived of the solitude and freedom which are their due, the society in which they live becomes putrid, it festers with servility, resentment and hate.

No amount of technological progress will cure the hatred that eats away the vitals of materialistic society like a spiritual cancer. The only cure is, and must always be spiritual."

Well, it goes on but will stop the quote here. Is it an answer or explanation? Maybe, just a little.

.

[Yoda]

I have sat here for fifteen minutes pondering your post. I have started several responses but they all fall short.

I understand your doubts but have no wisdom to offer.

[A_Long_ways]

Hunny, that actually made a TON of sense to me. I wouldn't exactly call it an answer, more of an acknowledgement of my own sentiment in another.

This line really spoke to me:

"When men are merely submerged in a mass of impersonal human beings pushed around by automatic forces, they lose their true humanity, their integrity"

I guess I identify with it most because I live in New York, and I'm taking the "automatic forces" very literally. I worked in NYC for over a year and always felt like cattle. From a train, to the subway, or a bus, it was all just very automated and I felt like I had little control. The job I was working was one I wasn't exactly suited for either. I had to make many decisions where my own standards towards humanity were pitted against company policy. Perhaps some of my current questions stem partially from that.

"No amount of technological progress will cure the hatred that eats away the vitals of materialistic society like a spiritual cancer"

And this is what begins to somewhat frighten me. Our lives are so incredibly intertwined with technology today that humanity is suffering. You know, people used to talk to eachother in public. These days everyone has their i-pod, blackberry, laptop, kindle, and whatever else we're distracting ourselves with these days. I rarely see the types of events I used to see. When I was a kid my neighborhood had block parties every week during the summer from block to block. Now the streets are empty, everyone is inside with their computers, tv's and whatever else. There's an amazing hill for sledding a few towns over, and I passed by it the other day after the blizzard expecting to see tons of people there. It was completely empty. When I was young you could barely find standing room at the top.

It just feels like we're losing our social aspect and turning inwards as a society. I'm ranting again, I'm not gonna start another paragraph :P.

Yoda, sometimes there really is no wisdom to offer. I think this is one of those situations. I can talk myself in circles for hours and end up more confused than when I started. It's just the way my mind works, far too analytical with a heavy dose of stubbornness. Thanks for your reply

[DivideByZero]

If there is sentience in the universe at the moment and it is the "parent" of the earth it is not doing a very good job. I do not like the idea of reverence, it is good that we criticize the things that we believe in and I respect what you have written here.

If we assume there is nothing watching over us, then there is nothing doing a bad or good job. I prefer this option over the particularly abhorrent thought that something that supposedly cares for our welfare doesn't bother to interfere when thousands of unique species of life are driven extinct by the human animal and millions of people endure terrible suffering every minute.

On top of that, I could not respect or revere a designer that would deliberately create some of the vicious creatures on this earth like certain insects that basically devour their prey from the inside out while they are still alive. Why would such a deliberate cruelty be added to the designed system, unless the designer was open to such cruelty. With the same degree of irreverence, I used to question the value of our species. We are capable of such wonderfully beautiful things and such horrible acts of intentional cruelty. Such acts of amazing intellectual acrobatics and acts of unbelievable voluntary ignorance. This view of the world with a supernatural supervisor made my heart cold.

It has helped me greatly to let go of the thoughts of good or bad and switch to a universal view. Good and bad are human concepts, they don't exist in a universal view. In this view a "watchmaker" type sentience does not exist. When we let go of this type of watchmaker, it is lonely yes... but the acts of kindness become more brilliant, and the acts of cruelty lose power, they become nothing but a cog in a machine that the so hauntingly beautiful that it can keep me mesmerized and lost in thought for months on end. The universe is amazing, absolutely amazing. If you get bogged down with the micro, it is sometimes refreshing to go to a macro view and realize that the universe as a whole is a living thing, it is moving towards a "solution" and whatever happens along the journey is just a byproduct of that process.

[(JD)]

I think most humans by nature wish to know their niche in life. Have you taken any of the quizzes at beliefnet? Here's one that might help you with basic spiritual questions. I doubt any of their quizzes are scientific, but they will help you define the most basic questions about faith, beliefs and spirituality. That, to me, is the best place to begin.

http://www.beliefnet.com/section/qui...sp?surveyID=27

[Michah]

AAAAhhh the spiritual journey.........this is a momentous and painful thing.

For the more you ask, the more questions arise.

Existentialism is meant to confound us, to confuse us and then to illuminate.....in the most fantastic and wonderful ways.

Humanity in general has little bearing on your spiritual journey.......it is only your humanity that matters.

Take stock in the majesty of nature......it is the only true thing.....without motive, without greed, without agenda.

And love humanity for all its transgressions........for we are all learning.

Would it help if I said, that despite the times we don't believe, something believes in us?

You are on the right path.......you are being assisted in ways that you cannot see, hear or feel.......but know that it is there. You are much loved......

Now.........love thyself.......your precious and questioning spirit.

In stillness,

Michah

long ways, did you happen to read or hear about the recent article about how new yorkers came in dead last for happiness in a ranking of US states. i love new york (my mom is from there originally) but i doubt i could live there as it's just too stressful. being in such a stressful city may be coloring your vision a bit to give you a really negative view of people in general. the media sure doesn't help either as we just hear about all the bad things happening. there still are people out there who are caring and kind but i know sometimes it sure doesn't seem like it. i wonder if getting involved in some sort of volunteer organization on something you care deeply about might help as then you'd be meeting some of these other folks who are more similar to you.

you're asking really important questions about life and i think that is cool. why there is so much suffering is definitely a tough question and one i think many of us struggle with. the little bit i think maybe i've been able to figure out as a person of faith is because love requires free will. if God forced us to do everything right then that wouldn't result in a relationship with God that is based on love. love requires freedom and unfortunately that means lots and lots of screw ups on all our parts as humans. obviously, some mistakes are much worse than others though.

also, i think God expects us to be the answer to a lot of the world's problems. with God's help though. i don't think it's all on us or all on God. i think God wants to work thru us as it's about relationships - the stuff of life - and a lot of the time we just aren't cooperating. i really don't think God is too impressed with the US and how many of us are just living to make a pile of money and pursue a comfortable life and largely ignoring the needs of the rest of the 2/3s world. i think God gives us all we have here in the West in order to help others--not to squander it on ourselves as is so second nature to us. i'll be honest though that i'm still just waking up to all this myself and trying to work with God where i believe i'm to do my part. i can't do it on my own though. i do know that. i think it's in relationship with God and others. you know, love God and love others. it starts with God though. i don't have the answers and i don't know what people need, but as i stay close to God i can help others as i listen to the still, small voice of love.

that's my perspective. hopefully, something i said helps a bit.

Acculumation of Material Wealth is a Western Cultural thing. Those who grew up under such a belief know no other way. Other more aboriginal culutures don't put so much importance on owning much material wealth.

Many who make millions realy dont know what to do with their money after they get it. They buy drugs, fancy homes, but that don't make them happy. Because Money does not bring real happiness or self worth. It does not cure our mental heath issues.

We are all part of the Universe. Even though our planet is tiny compared to the sun, and smaller yet compared to the Galaxy, we are still part of the Universe. Feel your connection to all there is. Pray to all there is.

[A_Long_ways]

I just spent an hour and a half typing out a huge reply and accidentally hit backspace without the text box selected and it went back a page and erased everything I wrote. How frustrating... Too mentally exhausted and angry to write it again at the moment, maybe later.

[A_Long_ways]

So in my search I've begun reading "Morals and Dogma" by Albert Pike. It's really a lot to take in at one time but is showing me how religion and has changed yet stayed the same since the birth of man. Anyway, enjoying the read, perhaps it will help.