Out of chruch for over a year.

Dancing: That is very kind of you. I had visited other churches, but it doesn't work for me.

Anything religious now triggers me, but I don't say anything; I just live with it; that is what spiritual abuse does (unbeknowst to me). It is so much more complicated than finding another church.

Hearing hymns are too painful. I sang in the choir and was removed from that; that was one of my joys.

Thank you once again for your thoughtfulness!

I'm so sorry beauty and marie for the difficult experiences you have had at church. We all need that community found in church, and when that need is abused, it's such a difficult process to get connected again. I prayed for both of you, that you will be able to feel connected again, to God and other believers. Hang in there; God's timing I will never understand, but I know He loves both of you very much and desires that you have a fulfilling and abundant life in Him.

I understand not having a church family to be a part of.....mine really wasn't from any specific abuse. Years ago when I lost my career & depression set in (back in 1994), the people in the church couldn't understand what I was going through.....but then neither could I....kept ending up in the hospital.....dealing with anorexia.....just many things that they had no knowledge of how to handle someone who was experiencing what I was going through. I was active in the music ministry also.....but I would go to Bible studies & it would just not make any sense.......I quit going to church mostly......& what I went through with my mothers church (the church I was raised in) when she was dying & all that happened without any support.....really turned me off.

It wasn't until I moved & left my husband & was on my own that I decided it was a good thing to find another church.....so I found the same church that I had grown up in.....pastor had wonderful sermons & Bible studies......which was the start.....then I was just invited to a wonderful Bible study with a group of women & that gave me more learning than anything I had ever learned in all my years of church. The church I chose wasn't supportive in hard times like the ice storm. Then knew I was living alone on my farm in the country & never once called to see if I was ok........realized that when the words they teach don't match the actions that there is a disconnect from God.....so I quit going to the church, but never stopped the Bible studies by that point.

Knew that fellowship is important.....went to a little chapel, but they didn't have any Bible studies.....then I was invited to a church service by my pharmacist.....I went & there were maybe 20 people there that 4th of July last summer. Everyone was very friendly & warm & inviting & the pastor just stuck to the word. They also had Bible studies but had just finished the one they were doing. I kept going back except for a few times when I just couldn't get myself going in the morning, but the 11am service was good for me not being a morning person plus the drive was less than 10 minutes away from home.

I kept going & beyond being inspired by the word each Sunday, the members of the church are in my farm neighborhood...only a few miles away (or a few farms away). Bible study started & what a wonderful group with discussions......& everyone cares for each other as a family not just another member of another church. Very tiny church...most Sundays there are only 24.....& at the moment, there aren't many youth to attract other youth......as the youth that had been in the church have all grown up now from what I have observed.

I have never belonged to a church where everyone takes care of each other.....it's really a different feel, but it's what I was always imagining it as the way a church should be. It's easier to be that way with a small church.....& they are aiming at attracting more youth & younger families to join the church. Wonderful teaching, wonderful fellowship, & caring as a whole family....something I never thought I would find.....but it is possible.

I have problems during the holidays....as I used to play my flute at the church services, but 3 years ago, my priceless flute was stolen & haven't had the money to replace it.......so there is a pain that I feel during those times when I used to participate. I used to direct choir in one of the churches I went to also....but in the small churches....there is no choir.......but what the church does provide is more than any other church I have experienced in my life.

I trusted that God would lead me to the right church.....went 2 year without going at all.....then there it was. I went for over 7 months before I was willing to join.....I had to know all I could about what their beliefs were about certain things & where they were going in the future.....there was a good match on everything that I believed as being solid in the Word. None of the politics that seemed to exist & none of the cliques one can find in larger churches, but also active in caring & providing for the community.

One never knows when God provides the right place.....but if we aren't open to it when it's offered we can really miss the living fellowship that God intends for us to have.

I also know how evil can cause us to hold onto the past hurts. God's intent is for us to learn from them, but not to dwell on them to the point of destroying needed fellowship in the future. It's important to learn & to correct what is wrong if we can.....or go on & find what it is that God intends for our lives so that we can continue to grow in the Word.

Know how tough it is when we are hurt to be able to put it into it's proper perspective....take the actions we need to possibly fix it & yet stil go on with our lives & growth. It takes time to go through the grief of loosing what we felt we had.....but like all losses & grief, we need to work through the pain & take from it what God's wants from us so that we & others can learn & share & hopefully keep any future church from falling into a similar wrong doing.

It's hard because we tend to think that people who go to church are a bit above doing wrong.....but we are all humans & all open to doing wrong. It's important to remember that judgment comes from God & those who judge will be judged in like ways by God. We are responsible to know when a church is not following God's Word & when we can't make the changes we know need to be made, we need to walk away.....but there are churches out there that are not like that....it's not always easy to find.....but we pray & put put our trust in the Lord to guide us where He wants us to be....& that need will be answered.

///

Did like your response here September. Of course I see a percentage of ppl who are sitting in church for all the wrong reasons; and often these church members can be judgmental, unkind and I guess ungodly to their fellow man. The act of going to church is no guarantee that certain people are going to physically apply the tenets of their faith to their lives. You can find God where ever you are, if your heart is open to Him. The gospels do say: "My father's house hath many mansions"; and my interpretation of that is that there are many ways to reach the Father. IMO.