[SunnyD]

This thought will not go away so I guess I need to share this.

In my church abuse incident...my pastor kept telling me that my behavior (certainly manicky untreated) was out of line and he had complaints. I asked him for names so I could apologize and make things right according to this scripture.

He refused. This happened 3 times and should have been a huge warning sign. My past home church pastor would always would ask anyone who came to him to complain about another member, if they had talked to the person about it first and would not do anything until that had happened.

I also kept all this from my husband in fear of being without a church. Such a huge mistake especially as before this he felt we were done there. I talked him out of it because I didn't want to be away from a church home. Never did that again.

When he found out what the pastor was doing to me, he pulled us out of there. We were without a home church for 5 years.
We hung out in some great churches during that time. We also visited back at our former church about 80 miles to the east from time to time.
Those churches were great ones but it took a while to find "the" one. During the time we met some great people who continue to be friends. Being out of fellowship was not an option for us.

This translates to a personal level with our relationships I think. So if someone has blown it with us. We are the Christians after all and it is our responsibility to make it right if at all possible.

We had an exit interview with this pastor where I apologized for my actions. I could have done better and probably did damage some in the fellowship.
Of course with much prodding by my husband, the pastor said that he forgave me and grudgingly acknowledged his part in it. He was really oblivious to how poorly he had applied scripture and handled my problems. We felt that we had laid everything to rest where it concerned us though.

I don't know if this is a help for those who have been decimated by church situations but armed with this information maybe it will give some guidelines for the next one or encourage people to try again.
I think it would gage the pastor's heart and adherence to scripture and also give opportunity for reconciliation if possible.