Sometimes I Think I'm Cursed....

Seriously. Yes, I know there are many people living much more difficult lives than I do, and I feel for them, but I truly feel that God has rejected me. (I'm trying to respect the rules here, forgive me if I mess up!! ) I don't know how to explain it, really, but it is so hard to keep trying when I feel so alone and frankly, so evil. (I must be evil to be so despised. ) I honestly believe I'm beyond hope or help, and needless to say, that doesn't help my mood. I've never led a "normal" life--never married, never had kids, my "best friend" betrayed me when I needed her most, failed at every job I tried, my health started failing in my early 20's (nothing life-threatening but it destroyed what was left of my self-esteem, which was already in tatters)--WHY must I fail at everything?? I did try! But it seemed like every time I thought I was finally pulling myself out of the pit, I got shoved right back in--even deeper. After awhile it occurred to me that "trying" was the worst thing I could do--even tho I did keep going to therapy, taking meds, and even trying new jobs, etc. But nothing helped, I kept sliding downhill. And I started wondering if I was being punished for trying to make something of myself. Maybe I didn't deserve the things that most people take for granted. Maybe being born was my first unforgivable mistake. Sorry for whining but this has been going on for decades and NOTHING has helped. I have become a total recluse--I'm too ashamed to face anyone--and I see absolutely no future--just more of the same. All I do is sleep, and I couldn't survive without my Xanax and Ambien--they're all that keep me from going into a total panic because I live in constant fear. But even they just "blunt" the emotions a bit--nothing makes me happy. I don't understand it--I was not brought up like this! What did I do wrong???

Check out Dr Caroline Leaf's epigenetics program. Neurobiologist with current new brain science.

You won't be this way much longer as you learn how to change things. I did.

I am sorry you feel this way. I wish to god you can get out of this state of mind. Maybe the book suggested will helpto tell the truth i felt that w ay many times in my life.i would only sleep all day.i was depressed for so long. Good luck and im going through this every day still but not as bad as you probably.

[QUOTE=Psychochick;5300812]Seriously. Yes, I know there are many people living much more difficult lives than I do, and I feel for them, but I truly feel that God has rejected me. [QUOTE]

I can empathize with how you feel , but not to the extremes that your going thru right now. I remember going thru a phase where I absolutely felt that I was abandoned by my God. The fact is , as I found out later on , that I was the one who abandoned God. He was with me at all times. Unfortunately we get into a frame of mind for many different reasons, that cut off our " line of communication " with Him because of a psychological short circuit. God is with everyone , whether we CHOSE to receive Him is our choice. A choice unfortunately we sometimes are unable to make. I believe that some people NEVER can get that line of communication open again. It's my belief that God needs our help to fight the battle against evil , which does exist. It's that evil that is putting you in the circumstances that your in right now . Try and survive long enough until His grace can touch your soul and pull you out of the situation your in. IMHO.

God hasn't rejected you. He let's people make their own choice on that choice.

It never made me feel any better to know that others had suffered as I had or even worse. Oh my no! I always feel worse when I hear of others suffering too!