Called to serve but yet I resist

Dear Forum,

I come from a religious background. Of course, I won't say which one. My folks never hit me over the head with it, however I outgrew it and left it. It's a small point of contention with my conservative dad, (and I a liberal) but that's not the point.

This religion teaches to be charitable and loving, although I never saw any examples of that in my own church, to be honest.

I recently came across a spiritual website that says we are called to serve, any kind of service. Because of my background, this resonates with me. I always felt I was here to help people. I am in my late 40's. I haven't gotten into any jobs that help others. I wasn't qualified. I have done a little bit of service but not much--a day at a soup kitchen, a food closet, a thrift store, tutoring kids, etc. I never stick with it long. I get bored. I have depression so that doesn't help. They say do something you like, but I don't have anything I like to do. Sad, but it's the truth. The site says to set a "rhythmn of service" but I don't know how to do that. I feel quilty that I haven't dedicated my life to service. I resist because I don't want to do extra work on top of my job (I work 30 hours), plus it's hard to get service organizations on the phone and coordinate when to help. I am not qualified to do much as I have no skills, plus why should I help when nobody ever helped me? Also, my environment doesn't encourage service, nobody in this country ever talks about service. Nobody. Even religious people. It's the truth. Any nonjudgmental feedback would be great. Please no name calling or criticism. Thanks

Not everyone is called to do "great things", not everyone can or even should be a great Saint that can be identified from the outside. I like philosophy of Therese of Lusieux who writes about "the little way". That means doing little things with great love. You don't have to be a great hero and save children in Africa. Doing something nice for a work colleague you dislike is just as heroic.
Giving compliments is a loving thing to do, doing small favors for random people (what about letting a lady with only a couple of items in front of you at the supermarket when you have a full basket so she doesn't have to wait?)

You could do one random act of kindness every day or once a week... There's a list of ideas if you search "random act of kindness". Replying people on this site is a service. Donating a small amount to a charity is a nice thing. Do you speak a foreign language? What about offering a free translation to a charity?
Helping your elderly neighbour with something?
When others gossip, why don't you change a topic or walk away?

All of this is a service which challenges you and you don't need to go to the end of the world. You can do this at home and at work.

Agree with Seeker (great post, by the way). For instance, this week one of my neighbors is out of town, and she asked me to feed and water her kitten. I'm a dog person, so cats are not my fave, but I'm doing it. I called another elderly neighbor last night to ask how she was doing, too. These are not great acts of service, but I don't like using telephones at all, so it was kind of an effort. I won't get any rewards, but it doesn't take much.

I don't volunteer for any jobs at my "place of worship" (trying to be generic here), but I show up most Sundays. I don't go to much effort to dress up, either (this place is pretty casual, so no big deal). I don't care to mix and mingle, so I pretty much hit the door afterwards. I was told once that even your presence, and nothing else, is a form of service. I get quite a lot out of it, too. Doing your job well is definitely a form of service and a demonstration of integrity, too.

First of all, finding a calling to serve is not a religious thing, at least not in my books. I am an atheist yet still feel a need to help my fellow mankind.

My anxiety is getting in the way of doing so. Mostly the anxiety is performance related. What I have done is sign up to be an on call volunteer. I do special occasions with my support group, a museum, several health related fundraising campaigns, and a street worker program. It means I only end up giving my time once per month. Yet, even this is gratifying and I believe the intent to help is equally important.

It sounds like you have such intent and have already done more than I think people would expect of you. By the way, it is alright to say 'no'. Say yes to what feels a good fit for you.

Sometimes the feeling of wanting to serve others is related to your own needs (e.g. a psychiatrist or therapist who also deals with mental health issues of their own, tutors who volunteer because they were helped by a good teacher, etc.). This is not to discount the notion of vocation or calling, but to complement it. Sometimes the best people to serve in various capacities do so because their own individual stories come into play.
Maybe you do feel a calling that you are resisting, but part of the process of determining that is allowing yourself the opportunity to fully discern what the feelings are and where they may be leading you. You do not have to feel guilty about not doing anything, if you still feel wary or unsure or unqualified. Let yourself go through all those thoughts and when, after giving yourself the time and space to do that. Continue to read various sources, talk to people who do different types of service, consider the things that you have done and ponder how you felt about doing those things.

As an American GenXer, myself, I know how you might feel about society's response to service; but I think it might have to do with the focus of our education at the time of our formative years. The generations that followed us began to more often go through school mandated community service requirements that helped foster a desire to serve in a way that we did not. I know that when I worked with youth, I signed off on community service hours that they needed to complete and wondered why I never went through that as a kid. I have disagree with you on part of what you say. I think that today's youth are much more willing to fight and be activists for their communities than the "me" generation that we are a part of. It is much harder for me to get into that kind of stuff too, and I worked for religious organizations!

So give yourself a break and continue to open yourself up to what "service" might mean for you. The fact that you are even thinking about it is a good sign that you might have some kind of calling . . . and the suggestions of what that might mean that other posters have been giving are great ways to explore that too.

Some good suggestions here..

Even “little” things count, like replying with kindness on a forum like this. And as someone else suggested, when others gossip, don’t engage in it. Be a force for good. This will make you a “Success” in life, not what kind of car you do or don’t drive or bs like that.

This is such an excellent and thought- provoking post. I see your desire to serve in one of two ways:
1) A guilt reflex over not following the program instilled by your religion of origin
2) A genuine yearning to change the pattern of your life and begin to dedicate yourself to spiritual service
Based on what you said, I'm not sure which of these is your truth. Once you decide for yourself if this life of service is what YOU want, I think you will know how to move forward.
If it is what you want, I have been there. I know the experience of changing your life direction at midlife carries with it many frustrations and uncertainties. However ultimately it should lead you toward a life of authenticity.
Happy travels!!!