How do I explain my position to my mother?

My mom is very strongly active in a conservative Christian religion.

I left this church years ago. I never really felt that I belonged in it, even as a child. I only went because we had to. I knew no other way.

I am an adult now, but she still asks me why I don't want to go to church, and how I plan to raise my daughter. I don't know what to tell her to a) get her off my back and b) reassure her that I'm still a good person even if I don't go to any type of organized religion.

I'm not sure I believe in "God" per-se. I do believe that there is a higher power that controls our lives, and that things happen for a reason, but we don't always know the reason. Call it fate. I believe that people should do the right thing because it is the right thing to do, not because of fear of going to hell. I do believe that families are important, and that the hardest and most rewarding job in the world is being a mother - but, I also believe that some women were given different talents, and we should use those talents and desires the way we see fit.

If you were my mother, how could I explain all this to you without offending you? Is it even possible?

((((((Razzleberry))))))) It sounds as though you are in a difficult situation here with your family. I'm not sure what the right way to go about this would be. But, my opinion, if it were me in your position, would be to just talk honestly with your mom about what your feelings are on this.

It sounds as though your mom might be worried that you will infuence your daughter to take the same position you do towards the church. IDK, but it is a strong possibility that she is fearful for you both. I guess just assure her that you are doing what is right for you. And that you will allow your daughter, when she is old enough to understand, to make her own decisions where the church is concerned.

Hope you find a middle ground here.
recluse1

I can see both sides, believe it or not. ... or maybe more?

One problem is this: conservative Christians don't believe you can be a good person apart from God. Plus, it is a core belief of Americans that children need (yes, need for their own psycho-social-spiritual growth) to have at least a child's understanding of God. You were given that opportunity, why deny your daughter of it?

I think that now that you are older and have good questions that it is the perfect time for you to attend church and ask all those questions of people other than your parents! You don't have to go to the church your parents attend, or even go to just one church... but since you have your own doubts, you need to get them settled for your own health, imo.

Now... one way you can "get your folks off your back" is to have a plan for finding truth, and present it to them.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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It sounds to me like your mother really is concerned about you and your daughter, and wants what she beleives is best for you. But at the same time, she is pushing you away by pushing her choices on you. And I'm sure that it is painful for you and for her both.

Can you thank her for her concern and tell her that you need to follow your own conscience? Maybe you could remind her about her belief in agency, and the war in heaven, and how we fought for the right to choose for ourselves.

Maybe you could give her some examples of how you are living a good life. I know a lot of good people who have different beliefs than I do. Maybe she can think of some too.

Wishing you well,
Rap

I disagree with Christians believing you cant be good person if you're not a Christian. I'm a Christian myself, and I know that's not true. But it is our belief that one cannot be saved without Christ, and whether or not you are
a good person or have a good life does not change that. Satan isn't against being nice, he's only against God.
Our reason for doing good things shouldn't be because we're afraid of going to hell, because we cannot earn salvation or favor with God. We do good things to glorify God, and to help us lean closer to him.

If I were a mother, I wouldnt be worried that they just didn't want to go to church anymore because that makes you a nice person, I would be worried because... you're going to be spending eternity somewhere... but it's your choice whether or not you'll spend it with God.

However, alot of churches today get wrong ideas about the bible and try to twist it, or leave things out. Or they just only focus on one part of it, and never teach other parts.

My suggestion to you: going to church does not save anyone. You do not HAVE to go to church. God says this himself, "The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath" However, I encourage you to read the Bible for yourself, reading certain books in it that you haven't read before. It's lack of understanding that discourages a lot of people.

You said, "but, I also believe that some women were given different talents, and we should use those talents and desires the way we see fit. "
I somewhat disagree. Yes, many people have different talents, but using them to glorify oneself or to pursue worldly desires will only lead to an even greater desire to keep trying to fill up the emptiness inside of us, and eventually this desire will overcome us, and we will get nowhere. I know this from experience. If one has a special talent, then they should use it for God's glory, because it was He who gave us this talent in the first place.

I hope this helps a little bit.