[angel_demon]

how do you deal with the death of a loved one? especially when that loved one is the person who raised you? taught you right from wrong, loved you cared for you, and made you the person you are today. i just found out my grandmother has stage 4 small cell lung cancer that has spread to her bones. they give her a few weeks to 9 months. this is the woman who after raiseing 3 children of her own adopted me because my mother was too much of a drug addict to raise me. even though i was born addicted to speed. she still loved me. i feel so helpless. she has always been the strong one for me. telling me it is ok. being strong for me. i am schizoaffective and my symtoms are usually controlled by my meds and i have gone probably a year without anti anxiety meds or without having to change my meds but im thinkin im gonna have to, for my own safety, talk to my doc, and up my anti depressant. she says she is not sure if she is going to take treatment yet but the doctors are telling her that they can give her an oral chemotherapy that is not quite as hard on the body but she is still not sure. she is in her 80's and has led a long full active life. what ever her choice is im gonna support her. i love her. well i think this was just something for me to get this off my chest. i dont know, im depressed that i do know i mean who wouldnt be. suicidal no. at least not right now. but i am keeping an eye on my symptoms. my partner is also my rock right now. we have been together for nine years and she knows me like a book. well i will end this now. thanks for listening. any advice will be gladly taken with an open ear and heart. have a great day

[TheatreKid]

Hi angel_demon. I haven't experienced the loss of a caretaker, but I wanted to post in your thread and tell you how sorry I am to hear this. I think leaning on your support people and keeping your doctor in the know are both good ideas.

[worthit]

I have experienced the loss of my mother. We had 4 months notification. I would go over one day and my daughter another day. I feel that time being with her was the only way I could figure to say I love you. I was there,her hand resting on mine for her last breath. That's a hard memory to deal with, but I wouldn't have wanted to have been anywhere else. Tell her what you want to say now so you'll have no' I wish I would have said's'. I'm sorry you're going through this. PM me if you need encouragement.

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[dillpickle1983]

I unexpectantly lost my mother in 2005. I think that is what set off the schizoaffective, because I really had no symptoms prior to that, I did have some MAJOR anger issues but none that would be classical schizoaffective.

Loosing a loved one is hard, and for the vast majority of the last 9 years I have taken it day by day. I'd have good days, and bad days. Time heals. I am much better off now, in the 9th year since her death than say I was in the 6th year. Time heals. I don't think you ever get over it though.

I just want to express my how I feel about your situation and how bad I feel for you. I hope you have some good supports in place.

Caring Love,

Mr. Pickle