[prettybear]

I've been dating a man with schizoaffective bipolar type for a couple of months. He was honest about his diagnosis from the beginning and it's always been something we've discussed openly. We communicate our needs very well and support each other.

About a month after we started dating he became depressed (shortly after a bad manic episode before we met). This obviously has been hard on such a new relationship but we've managed best we can. He isn't on any medication (it makes his psychosis worse, it dulls him, and he doesn't want TD), so the depression has continued for quite some time and seems to be getting worse. He sleeps all day and so I have a small window where I can talk with him (he tends to wake up a few hours before I need to go to sleep). When we're together he tends to sleep the majority of the time but he encourages me to wake him so we can spend time together. Even when we're together he doesn't seem like himself.

I'm struggling with feeling like he's inaccessible for such large portions of the day. When I'm upset or anxious I know I can't have his support because he's still sleeping, and I sometimes feel like I don't want to burden him with my own concerns because I need to be strong and stable for us. I've talked about medication with him but he's adamantly against it because of a couple bad experiences. I know it's not my business and not up to me, but I just feel like there must be some combination of meds that might help.

I have my own experiences with mental illness (OCD, anxiety, BPII), so I'm incredibly understanding and don't hold any of this against him. I care about him deeply and I want to see him happy and thriving.

I guess I just need support. I desperately wish I knew the partner of someone with schizoaffective so we could talk about these things. I could even use some words of encouragement or advice from those with schizoaffective. I always feel like there's more I could be doing to support him and make him happy.

Thanks

[sandersdillion948]

I am schizoaffective, 30yo man. I am in a depressive episode as well. I am sleeping all day, I even missed my class the other morning because I could not get off the couch. I only intended to sleep for 10 more minutes and it turned in to 4 hours. I am on medication, paxil (Which i am discontinuing) Zyprexa, ativan when needed, Ritalin for add, but nothing is working for the depression. I have to say that I wish I had someone who understood what I am going through, all my partners leave. Does he have a therapist or psychiatrist? He may do well on medication. has he tried Zyprexa? I found this worked best for me out of all the medications, this has little side effects. I did gain 20lbs, but it was needed as I was only 100lbs when i was in the hospital the first time. I am 150lbs now, a healthy weight. Initially with the xyprexa I could not get out of bed for 3 days, after that I could take it in the morning and be fine, no sleepyness and i was actually hungry!! Maybe you can talk to him about starting medications? I am depressed still, but read a lot of books and try to keep positive about my future. Maybe you ca discuss the future with him and where it is you would like to see yourself and him, then both set a goal together to get there?

[prettybear]

Thanks for your response. You sound like my boyfriend - super sleepy, missing out on stuff, sleeping longer than intended. He's only 21 so I know that sleepiness is also just part of a young man's life, but it's excessive. I'm not entirely sure which medications he's been on. I'm going to get a list from him when I can. As for weight gain, part of his depression is overeating so he's gained about 10lbs since we met. Honestly I wouldn't care if he gained more as long as he felt better. He's seeing a few different doctors (neuro, psychologist, psychiatrist) but it doesn't seem to help too much. He doesn't seem motivated to feel better. I feel like I'm exhausting myself trying to suggest different things and his apathy breaks my heart. I don't know what to do any more and it's starting to impact my own mental health.

[worthit]

You have to take care of your mental health first because if you're not well, you can't take care of someone else. Maybe your bf doesn't care about getting better at this time. I go through times like that also. Maybe he's skipping his medication. A therapist has been my biggest help for working on my self worth. Maybe he doesn't feel like he deserves you? Talk about these things with him. Hope it helps.

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[brackenbeard]

This is difficult, and I know what the reasons are for getting off medication. If he can function off it then he probably wants to stay off it, but if he can't function hes going to have to come around to the idea. That's only my opinion of course, but being beaten down by illness can only go for so long I would think. Medication is a neccesary evil it seems, but it's also an absolute godsend if you find a working cocktail. I haven't been that lucky for quite some years, but I still take it because it's safer. A relapse can do irreversible damage to your brain. It's been studied, and I personally won't risk my illness progressing any further.

It's incredibly hard to just convince somebody to take these medications with the expectation of never going off... However there seems to always be hope for recovery which is admittedly quite a unique indescribable process I think. I don't know if this will help but reading recovery stories and sharing the hope that with work situations and mental stability can improve... I mean it may be a longshot but getting on the recovery bandwagon may give you the power to say, "yes I'll take the pills," but I'm going to work at healing myself which is a process that is hard to define but resources on the Internet are everywhere.

[deeronjepsuhn]

I'm sure your boyfriend is a good person, but he is neglecting you by not being responsible and taking medication. If he is unfit for a proper relationship, then you should take a break. Like someone else said, mental health is important.