why can't i do what they say?

they told me not to make my tacos the same way i always do , with a fork, then they burned my finger because of it. i have never gotten burned before from using a fork instead of a spatula.

why can't i do the things they tell me to? it doesn't matter if they are good things, or torcherous things or anywhere in between. i don't have it in me to do them.

then they are mean to me for hours for nothing really. because i didn't take a shower on command.

but the problem is the people telling me what to do will never go away. they will follow me everywhere. i can't run from them or anything. because these people are reading my mind. so any place there is noise.. they will follow me to.

there are many reasons i don't want to follow what they say. but if i never learn to do it anyway, or if i never know for a 10000000% fact that i don't i don't have to follow them, then they will suck me in again over and over and over. and i will never break free of my chains.

i got sent to the phych ward last night to be put on meds. but the people there read my mind too, and they don't want me to stay there. they also don't want me to tell the counselors what is happening because the counselors will have to follow the rules and keep me there even though i am not suppose to be there.

but the entity talking to me follows me home too. but at least at home i am only bothering family who are more used to reading my mind and dealing with this.

so had to come how with no meds.

T+B girl welcome to psych central. thank you for sharing your story.

it may be that psych ward was not designed for your symptoms.

there are no easy roads but there are roads. we must search for them and believe they are there in order to find them.

a psychiatrist can help with the voices. There are medicines that can help.

trying to get help is the first step to freedom.

are the voices commanding you to do things differently, then punishing you when you obey? are they forcing you to think opposite of what theyre actually saying? as in... setting you up for confusion? I have been through this, long time ago. I had to be comitted and held for 14 days. I just told the truth, I was tired of being confused and tortured. upon release I quit the meds like I always do. when I get released and attempt to follow medication orders, terrible things begin happening, so I quit the meds everytime. I use the hospital as a last resort, and am mostly forced in anyway. its been 6 years since any of that.
im here to listen &talk if you need me to, thought+broad.girl.

hello, thanx for the replies

I just got punished again. i don't know if it's the universe doing it or not. but one of my only christmas presents just got taken today by my older sister.

she does weird things to me like peeing on my possessions, stealing from me, and banging things around in my room, like my computer and such.

she does this based on my thoughts. like if i don't follow my thoughts at the exact time they are given to me (my thoughts) then i get punished in these ways.

I know i am not perfect.

I am trying to recover from alcoholism. i have cheated on my boyfriend. and i have stollen little things from places like walgreens.

but those things i have done in the past are not the real problem. the real problem is that i don't do the things the "universe" or "people reading my mind" tell me to.

i don't do them because i freeze up, or i don't believe they are real things. because in my heart i don't feel those things make sense.

but i get punished by the "universe" or whatever anyway.

BTW one of my brothers replaces my heart necklace today with something really nice and it might even be better! <3

hm, I dont know what to say. if they dont feel right in your heart then you shouldnt do them. I have a few people I run some thoughts by if I need to to check myself, in a way. thought+broad.girl, no one on earth is perfect and those who think they are, are in denial. recovering from alcohol addiction can be rough. there are addiction forums on here as well, even dual diagnosis support groups, like for those with "mental illness" and "substance dependancy addictions". I dont know what possesses your sister to act this way towards you, all I can say is its uncalled for.
thought+broad.girl, do you see a psychiatrist or therapist? they may be able to help you sort through some of your thoughts. its hard to comprehend what youre trying to express. you can send me a private message if you wish.
MERRY CHRISTMAS THOUGHT+BROAD.GIRL! =) well, almost. haha.

hello, and thank you. merry christmas to you too and to everyone here.

i am starting to think i need to follow these things more and more... but i don't know.. i'm divided. i want to follow the good things.. but i just don't want to punish myself anymore. because sometimes the feelings/thoughts tell me not to eat when it's time to eat or whatever... but if i don't do these things i will never feel like a good person. because the universe gets really loud if i don't follow which makes me believe it's a sign from god or something.

i used to think people can read my mind. i still do, but the talking also comes from things that have no perceived consciousness that i know of like the wind, or electronic devices. anything that makes sound really.

I have a new therapist, i saw her once and will see her again next wed.
thanks again, T+B.G

for each situation the voices present you with, offer back a logic problem. for instance if they tell you to do something good, ask them why they care, because they previously told you to do something bad. ive had so many scenarios, i just believe they want to mind f*** me into oblivion.
point out how they are the mentally ill ones by not making up their mind on whether to be good or bad, tell them you wont be a conduit for their maliciousness. i would do this and they just changed the basis for the intrusion scenario. ive got them quiet with clozpine, coal tar soap, weedblock fabric, reflector, windshield sun blockers in windows. the voices arent the universe, or anything, its a bio-interactive deception inside.

wow! very great insight! TY!

TB Girl, congratulations on starting therapy. It helps to have a guide to differentiate between what is happening on the outside and what the voices are saying is happening.

Even if bad things are happening to you it is not going to be punishment. That is usually what the voices say anytime things turn out poorly. They can promise rewards for giving them the power to decide what to do, but these are false promises.

the voices can say that things turning out badly is punishment but they have no such power and are just trying to frame the experiences of life in a way that makes it APPEAR that they are influencing things, but they aren't

Hang in there, there is a way out of this. Your therapist can act as a guide.

Another technique that helps to take attention away from voice.

Breathing exercise
If you are feeling very anxious or angry or just want to calm down, you can try a breathing exercise that takes the attention away from the trigger of anxiety to a simple tool of counting breaths.

Find a comfortable position seated or laying down. Begin to relax your breathing. Silently count 1 on the inhale, and two on the exhale. Then silently count 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 or until you lose the count then return to one. No judgement. I sometimes end up at 18 then smile and return to 1. The idea is to focus on the breath and the counting and not get sucked into the anxiety or anger trigger. Also works to quiet the mind. Breathe in a natural way do not force it.

how is there a way out if schizoaffective disorder is a chronic illness? you meant a way to cope? I also dont understand the subfourm that apperared here recently, schizoaffective success stories, sounds like a bunch of ******** to me.

i have not yet had total success getting rid of voices, but my techniques are a way to push the frequencies out of your brain snd into frequencies that tv sounds drown out.