[ladisputelover]

So I'm gonna post this in both schizoaffective, anxiety, and psychosis because I don't know....
My pdoc thinks I might have schizoaffective disorder because in her words, I don't "look like I'm psychotic". Or whatever that means ahah. I don't know if that's a relief or not but I'd really like an official diagnosis just to know what the hell is wrong with me. :/
My hallucinations continually get worse every day but my pdoc just thinks they're anxiety/trauma- based even though they started before my trauma???? Whatever. I just wanna know what's wrong with me....
She upped my dose of Zoloft and Geodon so I guess that should help, hopefully. She also mentioned partial hospital which I kinda do kinda don't want I don't know.
Instead, I'm changing from individual therapy every other week to now once a week so that should do something. So I'll have individual every week plus three groups each week and a fourth group every other week.
Hopefully I'll feel better in a couple of months but I'm not really holding my breath.
I'm just so sick of everything, especially life. Ugh. Oh, and now I'm officially diagnosed with PTSD, WHICH I ALREADY KNEW I HAD FOR YEARS LOL.
And tomorrow is the anniversary of my best friend's death so yay. I'm having so much fun. *notice the sarcasm* :rollseyes:

Hope all is well for everyone.

Most people with Schizoaffective, Schizophrenia, or bipolar 1 dont look psychotic. Psychosis is a mental state, not a personal attribute.It's kinda of weird that your doc would say that. Are you currently on an antipsychotic? If you are is it helping? If it isnt, you may wanted to ask your doc to consider different ones.

Hope the best for you.

[ladisputelover]

Yeah I know right? What a weird thing to say, especially a pdoc.
And yeah, I'm in Geodon and she just raised the dose so hopefully it will help :/

[halflight]

Ever felt alone and no one listens to a word you say?

[ladisputelover]

EVERY EFFING DAY OF MY EFFING LIFE

[halflight]

so should I just be mute so I don't feel worse
?

[ladisputelover]

That's the question I ask myself every day.

oh god, i love you guys right here in this thread. i was that person screaming in the silent room that no one could hear even though nothing else was going on. i was a mute because it got that bad - i'm a gemini, i LOVE talking. and i let this thing get to me so bad that i just quit talking because i saw no point - cause no one was listening or would tell me i was making things up. ladisputelover, halflight - talk to me, private message me. i'll effing listen and i'll help you navigate this crap best i can - only because i have been through it. all i can do is give advice on my experiences and hopefully it will clear fog/bring you clarity. you can't let this stupid diagnosis take over your life.
ladisputelover - i have been hallucinating since i was a small child, i have trauma in my past; WHO DOESN'T? growing up, my grandmother would tell me everything is fine and tell me to embrace the voices/hallucinations but then when i "got too out of control" would send me to the hospital to get medications - so i would be drugged/shut up. not to mention she had been medicating me for as long as i can remember. creating a monster and then dumping me when i became too much for her to handle. i don't know, i still wrestle with the diagnosis i've been given, i was diagnoised schizoaffective 10 years ago. i am really spiritual (this is completely different than religious) and so i believe i have been given a gift to see/hear things others don't. and i am currently unmedicated because i am trying to figure it all out. i've been without medication against doctors orders for 6 years, i do not suggest you do this however. i do not know how i appear as "stable" as i am, it's hard. real hard. but i feel at this time it is important for me to do this to figure things out - and in the last three years i have figured out so much through self-discovery. sorry, i'm rambling again and i'm almost sure i am completely off topic. hahahaha.

[ladisputelover]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

oh god, i love you guys right here in this thread. i was that person screaming in the silent room that no one could hear even though nothing else was going on. i was a mute because it got that bad - i'm a gemini, i LOVE talking. and i let this thing get to me so bad that i just quit talking because i saw no point - cause no one was listening or would tell me i was making things up. ladisputelover, halflight - talk to me, private message me. i'll effing listen and i'll help you navigate this crap best i can - only because i have been through it. all i can do is give advice on my experiences and hopefully it will clear fog/bring you clarity. you can't let this stupid diagnosis take over your life.
ladisputelover - i have been hallucinating since i was a small child, i have trauma in my past; WHO DOESN'T? growing up, my grandmother would tell me everything is fine and tell me to embrace the voices/hallucinations but then when i "got too out of control" would send me to the hospital to get medications - so i would be drugged/shut up. not to mention she had been medicating me for as long as i can remember. creating a monster and then dumping me when i became too much for her to handle. i don't know, i still wrestle with the diagnosis i've been given, i was diagnoised schizoaffective 10 years ago. i am really spiritual (this is completely different than religious) and so i believe i have been given a gift to see/hear things others don't. and i am currently unmedicated because i am trying to figure it all out. i've been without medication against doctors orders for 6 years, i do not suggest you do this however. i do not know how i appear as "stable" as i am, it's hard. real hard. but i feel at this time it is important for me to do this to figure things out - and in the last three years i have figured out so much through self-discovery. sorry, i'm rambling again and i'm almost sure i am completely off topic. hahahaha.

My problem with this pdoc is that she won't give me a straight answer. I have OCD and I NEED to know my diagnoses but she won't give me one. She says I might have this or I might have that and I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of feeling so out of control, so out of touch with reality and those around me. I'm sick of living, plain and simple. I hate it.

fire her, get a new one that isn't with all the bs and interested in keeping you around and playing with your life soley to fill her pockets. this is real life not imaginary land, i am sick of these doctors playing around with people's lives. *breathes heavy* hahahaha.

i know exactly what you are going through, although i got a straight diagnosis. it was the medication game that drove me to tell them all to kiss my arse. hang in there ladisputelover, it will get better as long as you keep striving to find answers. i love you even though i don't know you.