taking care of yourself?

Do you go to the Dr when you need to?

Do you go to the dentist yearly?

Specialist that your suppose to?

If not How can we get to the point we're taking care of ourselves?

I've finally gotten to a place that I'm capable of making these appointments because I have insurance now. Not having insurance was the main reason I didn't do these things yearly like I should.

We were just talking about dentists/self care on S&P roll call earlier, so it's clearly a big problem for people here.

I avoid the GP like the plague. It's not safe to see him for many reasons. So I just tell myself that my sleep issues and headaches and all the rest are nothing important. I had a letter in the post weeks ago to make an appt for some abnormal blood results, but I haven't been to find out what's wrong. If my arm suddenly fell off, I'd probably try to tape it back on with duct tape to avoid having to see a Dr! Not really, but that's how much I want to avoid Drs and nurses right now.

I haven't had a dentist for about 4 years, and my dental self-care has been not good for longer than that. It's embarrassing to admit that, and my other neglected self-care aspects. I've got to have 2 fillings and a wisdom tooth out and I'm terrified. I'm only having it done because the nerve pain is now worse than the fear of making the appt.

I've recently made an opticians appt for a second opinion for my visual issues, but I don't know if it's an eye problem or a brain problem and so I will have to mention my brain issues with a complete stranger, which I'm dreading. I only made the appt because my mum bullied me after months of me not doing anything about it.

Years ago, before all of this, I showered every day, brushed my teeth twice a day, brushed my hair every day, changed my clothes every day and took care about my appearance with clothes and jewellery and hair accessories etc, went to the Dr when needed, kept up appts with dentists and opticians, and all the other 'normal' things that people do without even thinking about it. I honestly have no idea why it is so hard.

Like brushing my teeth - it takes 2 minutes morning and evening: how hard is that?! Very, it seems. Even though I know that my teeth will fall out and I really don't want that. Even though I'm scared of fillings and missing teeth and judgement from others. I've broken hair brushes in my hair and sobbed my eyes out because my hair is so knotted from not brushing it for up to weeks at a time. Why?! No one can tell me why it's so hard! Or what to do to improve it?

Even when I'm doing 'well' for me, it's still not back to my previous levels of self-care by a long shot, though obviously better than my worst. I've tried bribing myself every time I do something, tick lists, shouting at myself, post it notes everywhere around my bedroom and bathroom telling me to do things, changing one habit at a time, increasing frequency of activities gradually...why is it so hard?!

*Willow*