just wondering...

what do you do when you realize you've lost all passion?

i'm sinking, wondering why i won't go get help when i do not want to be like this any longer. i've come to the conclusion that i have lost all passion. nothing matters; again. i don't even know if i'm real, a figment of someone's imagination or a reflection of someone else from a parallel universe; again. i don't believe anything anyone says, i don't believe any thoughts are my own; again. i suppose i am posting this looking if anyone can relate...

i feel alone. i feel sad. with no reason to feel these ways.
i don't know what the f--k is wrong with me and neither does anyone else.

thank you.
the end.

Smilesandcries, I'm going through a lot of the same things. It's not a good way to be. It hurts so bad to feel like this. It's like a mindache that's reached migraine levels.

An ironic side note, I'm watching Stargate: Atlantis and the episode is about a parallel universe.

That's when I see my T. Have youthought about seeing a T?

this is the end segment from a song by SWANS- micheal gira wrote it..it fits i think with your OP.

"You're Not Real, Girl"

Girl you know it's only a feeling
You should never trust what you feel
When you forget your body
Nothing inside you is real
Nothing inside you is real
Nothing inside you is real
Nothing inside you is real
You're not real
You're not real

i think this says whats neccessary "you should never trust what you feel".

i need to move, i literally live in the middle of no where. there is no damn help out here. there's barely a grocery store...
yesterday i saw a tumble weed. HAHAH.

i tried to get help in the nearest biggest city and they told me since i live on the other side of the county line, i cannot get services/help in their county. thanks. i thought about making up that i'm homeless so i can get help. ...that won't work, i don't want to take from people who actually need help. i have to move, that's the solution.

so to answer your question, yes. i think about it a lot.

What about your county? when can you move?

@miguel'smom

the problem is i don't drive, the bigger cities in my county are over three hours away. i could take a bus, but what do i look like taking a bus for six hours every time i need to see a therapist? now, i if i didn't have a toddler maybe i would do this(travel ridiculous amounts of time to seek help). i have tried to look into like some kind of therapy through skype or something like that, but it's just expensive. i have to move, i am planning on moving in about six to eight months. just trying to get a career started so i can get off social security and become more self-sufficient.

i'm just going crazy waiting, hahaha.
i refuse to be crippled by some "mental illness", i will get out of this situation.

Can you get an efficiency? Or hud?

@miguel'smom

i'm sure i could get HUD, but i don't want that. i don't want section 8 either. i may be disabled, but there are far more people with greater disabilities than mine that actually need the housing. i'm surviving financially, it's just stupid because i'm educated and could be doing more with my life rather than sitting on SSI, it's been like 10 years anyway. that is enough. i'm over it, completely over it. plus, the money is running out. hahah.

You can get hud until you're are healthy enough to pay full amount of rent. Use your resource to get healthy.

My ZIP code actually is in an adjoining county. I've considered going to their free dental clinic, but am too paranoid to try.

what? i pay full rent. i'm weird about getting public assistance. i don't even want social security.