[TheatreKid]

My diagnosis keeps bouncing between Bipolar I with psychotic features, and Schizoaffective. Sometimes I will have mood episodes with no psychosis at all. Sometimes I will have mood episodes with psychosis. Sometimes I will have psychosis with no mood symptoms.

I have been experiencing depression for weeks, and it got bad enough and I was isolated enough (I think isolation is a big key) that I started hallucinating. First I heard a voice repeating "Be righteous before these idiots" and the next day, I saw a giant bird-thing. I don't think they were linked but who knows.

Randomly today, it felt like the depression started to give way. The suicidality is gone. I have energy again. I can think of my future without wanting to die. But the psychosis remains. I had to take a bus to and from the hospital (ironically) to get some medical supplies. I don't want to go into detail about what my thoughts are right now, but I am partially sure that I am the only person left alive in the world, everyone else is dead, or I am imagining them all. The bus ride was scary.

But I KNOW that the right thing to do is to tell my psychiatrist when I see her on Monday. I'm even still afraid she won't believe me.

So are delusions still delusions when you kind of know they're delusions?

[worthit]

Yrs,my pdoc calls it atypical

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk

[sandersdillion948]

If you are the only one alive, who was driving the bus?

[TheatreKid]

I don't know... it's kind of like people are dead but they're here. But not like zombies. I don't know.

[sandersdillion948]

Our beliefs create filters on how we see the world and how we interpret incoming information. The trick is to stop believing it, when I think I am in a delusion I check with my therapist, I use him as a basis for reality, I let him tell me if i am delusional again and then I believe him. Reality is relative, but we can share realities with other people. That's why there are so many different church's, so many different beliefs, everyone seeing the world different. I suggest you go reality shopping. I am still shopping myself. Just to make sure I am still alive, I pinched myself, so yes, you are delusional again.

[remidios]

Yes, I think you can have delusions and still realize they are delusions. I only really worry when I believe them more than not.

I often believe I'm dead,or the only one alive, all sorts of things like that.

[blackwhitered]

When I can tell something is up, I just call them "weird thoughts". Sometimes I get actual delusions where I can tell that no one would believe me or would think I'm crazy, but I still believe them. Sometimes I have zero insight. That's when I make bad decisions. For me, delusions are a lot more dangerous than hallucinations...

What I have to do is stop the weird thoughts before they become delusions. Otherwise it's like Inception where a thought becomes planted in your head and gets out of hand.

Oh, an even better comparison is like the baobab trees from the book The Little Prince. Catch them while they're fresh or they'll keep growing and become unstoppable.

[jaynedough]

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

So are delusions still delusions when you kind of know they're delusions?

This is something I've been wondering about, too.

[Victoria'smom]

Yes, you can know you're delusional.

[_C2_]

I felt the same when I was having delusions, but they feel so real that you can't help but go along with them. For example I got this idea in my head that the meat at this particular grocery store was contaminated with camera bugs that were spies sent from the government or whoever owned that grocery chain, wanting to get into my apartment and watch my every move. I knew it was crazy and untrue but I still avoided going to that grocery store for meat. My boyfriend would ask if we could go there to get meat cause it was cheaper and I was like NO.

Another example one day I thought people were following me. I would see older men with sunglasses standing by the corner of the street (it was in an outdoor mall type area) or sitting down across from me with sunglasses on and I felt like they were all watching me reporting back to whoever. I knew this was not true but it felt real so I still felt anxious and uncomfortable.

I think that you can definitely know that you are delusional. It can just be so difficult to not go along with the delusion when it's happening. Like for me, it took a long time to not buy into the delusion that God was communicating with me through signs everywhere. I still feel a little pang of giving in when I see "signs." It can be really difficult to ignore.

[BAZOOCA123]

I know this feeling, I think there is a demon coming after me and always watching me, and everytime I go up stairs I feel like its chasing me. I also feel like my school is watching everything I do and is out to get me. I feel like there are invisible lasers that emit from my fingers and eyes. I truly think these things, but yet I know they are untrue and im just being delusional.

Originally Posted by BAZOOCA123

I know this feeling, I think there is a demon coming after me and always watching me, and everytime I go up stairs I feel like its chasing me. I also feel like my school is watching everything I do and is out to get me. I feel like there are invisible lasers that emit from my fingers and eyes. I truly think these things, but yet I know they are untrue and im just being delusional.

I really get the invisible lasers delusion. I'm still coping with the delusion that light comes out of my hands that heals people. It doesn't help that there's such things as reiki and such.

what if you have heard repeatedly that you are delusional, but refuse to believe it. is that delusional? haaaahahaha.

[spincera]

Lately, I have been so out of touch with reality (or so they tell me) that I have been scaring my friends and family. So, I have been told that I have delusions, but I believe they are real along with my hallucinations. They are real and they are starting to plague me. :/

[racoon101]

I had a delusion that their would be a nuclear war waged on the us at 5:30 the next morning and that all the coins and batteries in my home and auto contained the souls of demons. I wound up tearing the place apart to get them out in the yard so the house and car could go to heaven without be contaminated. Other things occurred as well which got international media attention. I had only a very slight legal record before that and now I have two felonies and am out around 70K, lost a business and two cars also.

Originally Posted by spincera

Lately, I have been so out of touch with reality (or so they tell me) that I have been scaring my friends and family. So, I have been told that I have delusions, but I believe they are real along with my hallucinations. They are real and they are starting to plague me. :/

is it the things you say that scare them? maybe because you don't speak the same language as them - pretty sure you will know what i mean when i say this. i can relate to you when you say that you believe your "delusions" and "hallucinations" are real - this is a truth for me. i will not believe them when they say they are all false and figments of my imagination - because to me, they just have scales over their eyes. their blinders are on. i see the world the way it actually is; many people cannot handle it.

[mtnannie]

I've had several delusions and most of them I didn't know they were delusions. I had one that I eventually knew was a delusion. I believed that I could drive through the cars in front of me and they would turn into black smoke. After four accidents, i realized what was going on. Then when I found myself thinking about it again, I tried to talk myself out of it and was unsuccessful. BTW, I quit driving after that.

[Chuds]

So are delusions still delusions when you kind of know they're delusions?[/QUOTE

Yes, I have had plenty of delusions that I know is not real. However, the bottom line is that it feels real.

[Spectrolite7]

sometimes i think i actually died and this life is just the after life and it's a nightmare.