[neodoering]

Anosognosia means you're mentally ill but unaware of it or unable to accept it. This condition applied to me for two years and into a third. At times I suspected something was wrong, because it seemed really weird to hear voices in my head, but I couldn't act on these flashes of insight.

So instead, I burned tons of my money during manic fits, and I ended up in jail, then was transferred into a sanitarium. I was homeless for better part of a year, living out of my car and then, when the cops impounded the car for driving without insurance, I lived on the streets. Because I could not connect my circumstances with mental illness, I did not fight it with therapy or drugs. Because I thought homelessness was only temporary, I did not seek housing. Somehow, it would all take care of itself. The voices screamed at me and belittled me and threatened to kill me, and I screamed back at them. The cops showed up, time and time again.

Eventually a cop asked me if I was hearing voices, and in a moment of clarity I said yes. He suggested a treatment center. It was at that moment that I realized I was mentally ill and needed help. Things got better from there. But it was years of absolute horror and anasognosia until I hit the turning point, and I couldn't do it on my own. I needed psychiatrists, therapists, social workers, an EBT card, SSDI, and my own will to pull out of the tailspin, to stabilize my condition.

What about the rest of you sickos? Experience anasognosia yourself? How long did you run around burning up from full-blown symptoms, before someone got through to you that yes, you were mentally ill? Was it someone else, or did you realize it yourself? I hope you have a gentler story than mine. Homelessness and living on the streets really sucks, and I wouldn't wish it or schizoaffective disorder on anyone.

[neil w]

Hi neodoering! I think you already know this about me but for the sake of others.. I spent thirty odd years having hallucinations, increasingly complex delusions and other lesser symptoms without the slightest idea that i was mentally ill. I thought i was supernatural, or at least that supernatural things happened to me on a fairly regular basis, and i thought that those around me corroborated this and witnessed these events. during this whole time i was able to forget about these experiences and carry on a relatively normal life until something would happen to jar my memory and contribute to my beliefs. It's only been these past three or four years that I've tried telling myself that im mentally ill and what i thought i had experienced was indeed delusions and hallucinations. a bit odd i know...

[Teddy Bear]

When I first got on meds they said I had a psychodic episode. I wasn't for 2 years when they diagnosed me as schizophrenic. I didn't believe it. Now I know.

[Bbop]

It took me 2 years of extreme psychosis and loosing my job. During this time I truly thought that my scewed reality was real and that everyone else were the crazy ones. It wasn't until my husband looked at me one day and said "You are Schitzo!" When he left for work I immediately looked up info online. I began crying the more information I read. I realized in that moment that it was me the whole time. I was the sick one..... Knowing helped a bit in my willingness to find a Doctor and begin treatment. The Seriquil for my exsessive parinoia has helped quite a bit. I still have this altered reality at times that makes me second guess everything I'm doing. It is my boys that help me to be grounded as I don't want to mess them up. Is it normal with SZA to swing back and forth between realities (scewed and real) even while on medication?