Can someone with Schizoid PD fall in love?

Do you think its possible for someone with Schizoid PD to fall in love or be infatuated for a short time, like around 9 months? Why or why not?

whoa.....big questions.....I think true schizoids don't think about either. they would rather not deal with the intricacies that come with dealing with other people. but that is only part of being schizoid. you can meet other criteria and not that one and still be schizoid. I have schizoid traits, id rather be alone, I don't know that I am capable of love, I had a hard time developing a relationship with my own children, but I do get crushes. I wish that I could have relationships with people but I don't know how. it is incomprehensible to me. I feel incapable. it doesn't seem worth the effort. im happy alone. I don't even understand why people complain about being alone. so I hope this helps answer your questions some. take care...

Thank you for your thoughts and insights. I'm wondering, do you feel love for your children? Do you want to retreat from them when they are around? And finally... how is that you wish you could have relationships but are happy alone (isn't that a contradiction)?

I think the guy I dated may have Schizoid PD or at least a lot of the same traits. I have read that some people with Schizoid PD do get into relationships or marriages sometimes, so I'm trying to understand this condition better.

Please don't take offense. I truly need to know. Do schizophrenics have empathy. Otherwise how could they love?

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Hi Lynda. Schizophrenia is different from Schizoid Personality Disorder. I just wanted to let you know in case there was another forum that you might want to try posting in.

Most schizophrenics do have empathy.

Been married for 15 years.... I consider myself in love. I do require space and lots of alone time though and my wife respects that... + it suits her fine due to her occupation which involves a lot of work at home.

I have been with my husband for a total of about six years. Before him, I had been with others, and had other romantic interests. I think much of the "infatuation" stages in the beginning with all of them had a lot more to do with the intense interest in their respective personalities and the physical chemistry, more than...I don't know...the "butterfly" feelings usually depicted, or emotional attachments. Before my husband, I've never been broken up with...I'd always done the breaking, because I had no sort of sentimentality or emotional tie-ups a lot of people experience, and felt like I didn't want them tagging along with me forever, even though I like and love them as individuals. My head never lets my heart run the show, ever.

But love is a complicated emotion. It's different for everyone. It cannot be defined in one way.

Sometimes I wonder if I truly "love" my husband, because I see how other people function and act... But I do. I love him the way I do for how he is, and he loves me in the way he does for how I am. I love him for how he shows his love, and he for the way I do. And so on.

We didn't get engaged for five years because I was so hung up on this nagging feeling and question (even before knowing what schizoid personality was). It caused a lot of problems for us. But, it came down to: Do I want to live my life without this person? No. I want to spend forever with him, and I care for him, and would do anything.

I always want to be alone...with him.

Re: can schizoid fall in love
Definitely. The schizoid mainly wants to be alone, I hypothesize, but could get infatuated, as you say. The problem is that later on, he/she may get nervous being around the object of affection too much and will want to be alone. Meanwhile the loved one will want to claim too much time, so the relationship will spiral downward into instability.

I was most fascinated with your story and created an account for some advice. Me and my girlfriend who has schiziod have been on and off forthe last 2 months although it looks we maybe done for good. It hurts me cause she is best girl I have ever been with and she has admitted to me that I have treated her like no other guy has. I have tried my best not to show emotions and feelings to her as well as giving her space without questioning when ever she asked for it. However she still complains about she doesn't like the idea of 'commitment' and I should move on. We are both in our early 20s and I am prepared to take however long it takes to make her satisfied. What was the difference between your husband and your other relationships that he makes you complete? Thanks in advance

I recently found out I had SPD. I always knew something was really wrong and it was more than just the symptoms that arise from it. But now that I know what it is; let me give you my perspective. I`ve only been in one long-term relationship and fell in love once. Since I am so shy and the social anxiety is bad, the only way I will talk to a woman is if she approaches and shows interest in me. Otherwise, I only want to be alone, in my room, by myself. My anxiety, depression, constant worrying torments so badly that my life becomes, "what can I do to make myself feel better?" Therefore, I could never really love someone the way that they might deserve and want. So the short answer is yes someone with SPD could fall in love, but don't expect them to be really too aware of and interested in how you feel, what you want, etc. You would just have to be understanding of that because people with SPD cannot express emotions well.

Hey there, sorry for a delayed reply.
Sucks. I sort of know the place you're in currently...I pretty much did what it sounds like your girlfriend is doing to you at least a couple times. I reached a state of feeling like I loved him, but wasn't sure that I was in love with him.

First of all, I don't think you need to suppress the expression of your emotions and feelings. She may have SPD, but you do not...you should feel free to be who you are, especially when it comes to how you feel. I mean, I may be schizoid, but I'm not autistic (I mean no disrespect by this) - I have zero issue picking up, discerning , reacting, and "properly" interacting people's cues. In fact, I spent many, many, many years of my life acting the same out for the sake of getting by more easily in life. (Which, as an aside, I do not recommend.) Likewise, barring other factors at play, I should think that your girlfriend is able to do pretty much the same, and so able to easily read you by your expressions - her reaction to them is another matter. To expect you to become less emotional is completely unfair. It would be just as unfair if you expected her to become more emotional.

Giving space is great. I feel like I should be able to elaborate a bit more on that, but really it's pretty much as simple as that. It is definitely a form of support, in my opinion. However, as an aside based on my personal perspective, I wouldn't just assume she wants space if she's being "distant" or similar. Sometimes I may be quiet or not talkative and seem shut-off or disinterested, etc. which, yeah, could mean I'm just craving some alone time. It could also mean I just feel really ****** and just can't express it properly at the time or am too "weird" to say "just stay with me" to my own husband. Verbally, I can be really useless, especially if I'm actually feeling emotional, as it's just too overwhelming to the senses - I'd rather just shut down. If I'm really hurting or need to get something out there in an accurately comprehensible way, it's best if I write it down. As such, responding to writing is easier too. (Like here. Also, texts/email rather than... the phone *shudder*. I hear this is common for SPD, but everyone is different of course.)

It's hard to nail down total exacts, obviously, when it comes to what set my husband outside of the pack, but the first thing that comes to mind aside from overt personality stuff is his style of support with acceptance. ...He's completely fine and able to individually function with me not liking parties, my desire for quiet, my aversion from the social norms. He isn't slighted or paranoid about my not visibly getting "excited" about surprises or gifts or the like... All of that stuff falls under "acceptance" for me. The support? He actually sticks up for me, advocates. He's in my corner, not part of the throng telling me to get out more or speak up or to just [fill in the blank]. It's not "I love you for who you are" during the quiet moments and "Why don't you just [fill in the blank again]?" during every day life, pushing me to...push myself to be more like everyone else...? He doesn't treat me as though I'm innately sick and doing it wrong, and just need to be taught. He doesn't think any of that needs to happen. He knows it's just me, and that I'm truly, genuinely happier not doing all of the common things others do and so on. I'm not home on a Friday night thinking to myself "Oh, woe is me... I wish I were more comfortable or outgoing...then I could go out with friends and..." I'm not missing anything. I don't want company. I'm stoked that I'm alone and not having to talk BS with a bunch of people because that's "just what people do." I'm a 25 year old adult, ffs, and at this point know quite well what does and does not make me content and comfy. He sees this, he knows it as well as I do, and doesn't make me feel guilty or belittled about being different, about being myself.

What's more, I have depression and various anxiety disorders, and he has that to deal with. He is a fantastic shoulder to cry on, listener, hugger/holder. He also has depression, but it's very well-controlled...however, life happens. And when the times come when he needs support for similar reasons...I'm nowhere near the kind of supportive and patient person and personality he is, which in turn makes me feel like crap, because I can't return the emotional support that he gives to me - I can't provide equal give and take in that form. ...But he knows that, and can see the way I show my support in the best way I can, and doesn't feel shorted or hold grudges.

Obviously, I don't know your whole story, but if you can express that you're willing to wait however long it takes for her to be alright with commitment, and that you are completely aware that she may never be alright with it, that's a huge thing...to express you don't want to give up just because you can't predict the future, that this is important enough to hold onto, despite the risks. During my own times of crisis and commitment fight/flight, it came down to this each time: "Will I be happier and better off right now if I'm not with him anymore? Will I wish I was with him?" ...A hard question, and one that is very different from the "Wouldn't he be better off without me?" question, which is also a very real and heavy one, I think, that will always be there and what inspires the "self-sacrificing" ideas of ending it/not committing. But, it is not my job to decide what is best for him.

I'm too used to having to predict people's emotions so that I can put on the proper mask to squeeze by undetected and as a "normal" person, to have time to think about what reaction is the least offensive or disappointing etc that I have in my capacity to offer without causing drama. Remembering, then, that masks are unnecessary in an honest and open loving relationship is a hard thing to do. I wonder if that is a piece of it with your situation - if she thinks, outside of her own personal discomfort with commitment, that you'd be better off with someone that can match your emotions and social aspects in a more obviously complementary way. After all, it would be easier. This then comes back to the above^ - communicating your own side of the story.

I feel like I haven't explained well enough, but don't know that there is such a thing with these topics. Let me know if you want clarification. Hope all isn't lost for you, and that you each find the answers you need.

...That thought. Therein lies much of the pain. You also nail it with your last sentence, Crow. I think success is impossible without that understanding.

I agree. My brother was schizophrenic and he definitely had empathy.

Personally, I have bf of 3 years, but it's a weird relationship. We don't kiss or anything like that, and we don't use the L word. I know he loves me, and for some weird reason he's okay with the way things are. He does hug me after dates, and so far, he isn't complaining.

Yes, but a majority of schizoids do not feel sexually attracted to anyone. Keep in mind that a lack of sexual attraction to others does not imply that they don't have the capacity to love someone.

I'm more or less a schizoid, but I occasionally get infatuated with my crushes. After a while though, my infatuation fades away, but I am unable to establish a long-lasting romantic relationship. Having infatuations/crushes isn't the same as having a romantic relationship. Overall, I got used to being a loner, but all I really wanted was to have friends. The moment I feel rejection or betrayal just around the corner, I might as well close my heart and shut out my emotions. At least I don't have to worry about others anymore.

Hey. Thanks for your post, I also don't like the inticacies that come from dealing with other people.

Does this mean I'm Schizoid?

Hm not sure if I have spd or just something similar because it was not always with me, I developed it only at age 18 or so. Anyway I do relate to what you said here... seems so hard to develop a friendship. Though I'm trying... and yeah, all I really want is just that, some friends to enjoy some time with, doing stuff together etc. Tho', I used to have more spontaneous and enjoyable friendships before I turned 18.

As for love, no idea, depends on the definition of love. If you mean the romantic emotions beyond just feeling a bond, well, I'm able to feel some warm bond rarely, but not real emotions beyond that. Well, I saw it once, what it could be like but that could not be mine. (At least I figured it could not be, I may have been wrong.) So I shut it down very fast. This was like ~8 years ago...

As others have said there is a difference between schizoid and schizophrenic. But I think in both cases the answer is yes. I know less about schizoid, but my roommate is schizophrenic and she definitely has empathy. She may not have the best understanding of how her actions make others feel, but she does care about it. It's just harder for schizophrenics to focus on the right issues, I think.

A true lack of empathy would make that person a sociopath.