What is :your: personality like?

I put a trigger warning on this because I guess it could dredge up some bad memories or start some rapid cyclical downward spiraling (redundant?). But then, is the archetypal schizoid able to be "triggered"...? A different subject. Kinda. Annnnyway...

Obviously, we are diagnosed with SPD. However, this obviously, too, doesn't mean we're all completely alike. There are pieces of it that apply to some and not to others and so on.

I still am not as educated about it as I'd like to be (kind of difficult given what seems to be lack of sources/research...), so I'm gonna start by saying that the phraseology I'm going to use and refer to will come from good ol' Wikipedia for the sake of a consistent/universal reference.

When I think about traits and the subsequent differentiation between dx and actual personality, my natural thought process grasps for what appears to be close to the profiling outlined by Dr. Akhtar.

Akhtar's profile outlines what "classic" schizoid behavior generally looks like. However, there is also the "secret schizoid", where the classic traits are hidden by the individual for presentation in the public world to keep in mind.

There are also "Millon's subtypes", of which there are four, and one with SPD may, apparently, be/have one or all of them.

With these things in mind and/or whatever else suits your fancy...

• When you think of yourself, aside from SPD, what stands out? The "three words to describe yourself" type thing.
• Can you remember a time before onset, or do you think it's always been there?
• What do others see? What have they observed? What do they like?
• Which pieces of SPD or your respective individual personality have given you the biggest hardships/problems/stressors socially or otherwise? Which have given advantages?
• What pieces of you contradict your SPD dx?
• What are your favorite parts? Your least favorite?
• What do you like to do? If you work, what is your job?
• Do you care that you're different? Do you wish you didn't have SPD?
• Growing up (or presently), did you feel a need to be individual, or a greater desire for conformity? Or did you not care about one way or another?
• What do you want to improve?
• What makes you want to table-flip?

I'm just curious about how much we are or aren't different from each other with a disorder that presents as very black and white for people that tend to see in shades of grey.

i would say i am a remote schizoid except for drifting aimlessly. three words to describe myself are solitary anxious and creative. i really dont know when the onset was. t seems to think it is the result of my other diagnoses. i had a friend who used to call me spock because of my lack of understanding of romantic ****. today people see me as funny intelligent and compassionate and a loner. i find the most difficult thing is not being able to attach to people, not caring enought to nurture relationships. they just dont matter to me. i feel guilty admitting that if i go a year without hearing from my children i still wouldnt make that effort to pick up the phone. i wouldnt even notice. i think the biggest advantage is even though i am alone and isolated due to my agoraphobia, i never feel lonely because i dont care about human contact. i contradict the diagnosis because i have a desire to have relationships deep down. my job also contradicts it because i am a social worker and have much compassion for the people i help. it just doesnt matter to me if i never see them again when they walk out the door. i didnt care one way or another about conformity, individuality. i dont care one way or another about a lot of things. i want to improve in the area of relationships. i want to have them. and i do my best not to get angry so i dont reach the point of table flipping.

Some answers might refer to a few months ago (before the onset of depression) to give more accurate answers.

When you think of yourself, aside from SPD, what stands out? The "three words to describe yourself" type thing.
How about three points?
My interests/knowledge, especially for someone of my age, it's a tad unusual, positively.
My logical nature (that is, as I've said, before I became depressed. It's still present, but not as predominant in appearance).
My introspection.

Can you remember a time before onset, or do you think it's always been there?
Age thirteen, I left the only friend that I had who lived within 1,000 miles of myself.

What do others see? What have they observed? What do they like?
I don't know about this. Most people aren't particularly engulfed with me, they think that I'm very abstruse, but my friend said that he appreciated my level of productivity for someone apathetic of most things which society deems important, and my rationality.

Which pieces of SPD or your respective individual personality have given you the biggest hardships/problems/stressors socially or otherwise? Which have given advantages?
Positive:
- Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family\
Need I describe? Much less drama.
- Almost always chooses solitary activities
It gives me more freedom, or at least the feeling of such.

Negative:
- Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect (emotion)
- Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others
People just love to tell me how rude I am, usually in public.
- Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities
It makes it hard to get up in the morning.
- Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
I'm sure that if I enjoyed relationships like "NTs", this would be an issue.

If I didn't mention other symptoms, they aren't positive nor distressful, or I don't experience them.

What pieces of you contradict your SPD dx?
I love to read non-fictions, especially those of neuroscience and astronomy. I would appear "obsessed" with information to "normal" individuals. The reason I consider this contradictory is because many with SPD don't particularly "love", nor would they be "obsessed", with a subject.

What are your favorite parts? Your least favorite?
Didn't you ask a similar question previously? Same applies.

What do you like to do? If you work, what is your job?
Read, walk through parks, buy things. I'm a student.

Do you care that you're different? Do you wish you didn't have SPD?
The only thing I dislike of the aforementioned is that people rarely understand what I'm saying. No, I don't speak gibberish, but people rarely find the true meaning of my text, or they judge me by my appearance, only to be ever so disappointed with who I truly am. I'm sure that my life would be much better if people would leave me alone.

Growing up (or presently), did you feel a need to be individual, or a greater desire for conformity? Or did you not care about one way or another?
I'm the epitome of an individualist.

What do you want to improve?
I wish that I could improve my capacity of motivation, and that I could care more. If I'm apathetic of something, there's no hope in changing that.

What makes you want to table-flip?
Uh, most people, as SPD cliche as that may sound.

1. Some say I'm "smart," and they're the stupid ones.
2. Hard to say. I always had SPD traits. Then I was looked at as more normal during a couple of years, but the school counselors made me see them for therapy. Then, I contracted schizophrenia with a bunch of negative symptoms. I've never recovered.
3. Smart and nice but eccentric.
4. Everyone thinks I'm weird when I interact as I would prefer people to interact with me.
5. I can get a long with others, but probably they just need me for help in certain tutoring issues.
6. I don't need people, and I'm never lonely. I dislike my inability to maintain a job.
7. I like staring at the wall and thinking. I have no job.
8. I only care; because, others care.
9. Didn't care. I was teased for being different though, and I didn't care about that either.
10. Career opportunities.
11. Nothing.

First, I'm not sure I'm still SPD. I was normal until age 18. Then I changed and I actually matched the criteria for a diagnosis but I didn't go to anyone to get dx'd. Now I'm 32, I no longer match enough of the criteria but I still have that withdrawnness internally most of the time. Lately I noticed something changed again... (there was a trigger for that change). Now I can be made to feel connected with the people for short times.. just like before age 18, but it's overwhelming soon. I overreact internally. Then I get used to it if it continues.. so it doesn't seem hopeless. Just things have not calmed down yet overall.

So with that preface aside, here are my answers:

1. Confident. Detached-analytical. Aggressive. Persevering
2. Yes age 18. I was always a detached person but I was able to have real good times too with friends and family.
3. Confidence, logic and that I'm hard to get to know. They specifically like my helpfulness.
4. Aggressiveness. Both advantage and disadvantage socially. As for SPD, zero/reduced affect and the zero tolerance to be around people (but this was transient), these are/were the disadvantages. The advantage is ability to remain detached when others are upset and independence.
5. No longer a full dx. When it was, it was really full-on SPD minus the PD part as it was not throughout my whole life.
6. Favourite: detachment. Least favourite: detachment when this is undesired.
7. Analyse, develop an understanding then apply it on a real life issue. Job is basically based on the same process. Oh also love to compete.
8. I wish I had never had the SPD part of my life, yes. Because now I'm relearning what it is like to feel connected. It's something that was long forgotten but is good. But I suck at it, I still get overwhelmed too easily. This wouldn't be the case if I hadn't been in that SPD phase before.
9. I was pretty conventional for the most part but also always had my own thinking and an introspective part of me. I view myself as an independent thinker since age 18...same time as the SPD developed. But this part of me will have to remain :P
10. Ability to connect without getting overwhelmed.
11. When sh7t gets in my way of getting to what I want. F8ck that, lol, I get frustrated and then aggressive easily.

So? Am I different from you guys?

Skimming the replies yeah it looks like I'm slightly more social and conventional. I don't like to be eccentric, let alone appear that way actually. I seem to have more drive to do things as well, I suspect this is because of relatively good integration into society when I was younger before age 18. Then I stepped outside the system but I still kept in loose contact with people..from a distance (online, doing things for them, earning money that way too).

@stopchewinggum: do you mind if you are really just needed for the tutoring issues?

Tiger 8'just curious if your a guy or girl cause I wanna see how the two sexes differ im a girl and have been struggling with depression for two yrs .

Hi, I'm going to premise this with the fact that I was literally diagnosed with "traits of SPD" yesterday...

-When you think of yourself, aside from SPD, what stands out? The "three words to describe yourself" type thing.
compassionate, insecure, and trustworthy? Idk lol
-Can you remember a time
before onset, or do you think it's always been there?
Honestly, even though i was jsut diagnosed yesterday, I've always felt like I've had these symptoms; I just never had a name for it like I do now
-What do others see? What have they observed? What do they like?
What do other see in me? Probs that I'm anti social and constantly isolate myself and according to my psych dr... I have "self-defeating traits" but also that I really do care about the few people in my life and I have a logning to strengthen our relationships, I just don't really know how or I'm scared to idk

-Which pieces of SPD or your respective individual personality have given you the biggest hardships/problems/stressors socially or otherwise? Which have given advantages?
probably the anxiety associated with the SPD traits gave and still give me the biggest problems. i've ruined entire relatinships because of anxiety. I've also just lost the chance to begin what could have been a great relationship but whatever....
- What pieces of you contradict your SPD dx?
sometimes I feel like i fit in perfectly because i feel detached emotionally and physically from others and the world, but otherr times its like I feel almost too much and so that kind of contradicts seeing as a symptoms of SPD is emotional detachment but I could be misinformed
-What are your favorite parts? Your least favorite?
i think my favorite part is also my least favorite. i love that i have only a few close relationships so i cherish them but at the same time, I look at my sister, who is friends with everyone and sometime si get jealolus
-What do you like to do? If you work, what is your job?
i love helping people. i'm a student right now, but I'm going to be studying psych in college this fall
-Do you care that you're different? Do you wish you didn't have SPD?
i think this questions applies to me differently on a day-to-day basis. some days, when i'm feeling good, i feel like I'm special, or at least unique and I like it. But on my bad days, my biggest desire is just to be "normal"
-Growing up (or presently), did you feel a need to be individual, or a greater desire for conformity? Or did you not care about one way or another?
I'm only 17 but when I was younger, all I cared about was fitting in. I was bullied and so I did anything I could to be just like everyone else, and when I couldn't do that, I tried to be invisible. Now, I don't care as much about what other people think of me; or at least, I'm trying not to
-What do you want to improve?
I want to go to college and I want to get a job and be successful. I want to get better and I already am on my way there
-What makes you want to table-flip?
I'm not really an angry person, but I do get annoyed by a lot of things. Mostly, though, I think that's just a mixture of hormones and my meds lol There haven't been enough table-flipping moments in my life to document thus far

LOL

1: The three words that describes myself would be... Satisfied, disinterested, unambitious.
2: I have always been a person who was more interested in things other than socializing and people. The older I got my interest in socializing decreased.
3: Other people see an ordinary person, a very quiet ordinary person.
4: The biggest hardship is the lack of proper social skills that I would have cultivated if I socialized more in my younger years but since I don't want to talk to people this isn't really an issue. I'd say the biggest advantage I have is being happy with being isolated and that can be useful since there are times when you cannot avoid being alone.
5: I'd say what contradicts with the schizoid stereotype is occasionally talking to people, most of those conversations are done online with a cousin and friend on facebook at least a few times a month. I probably have a proper conversation face-to-face twice a week.
6: When I compare my life with others I'd say I like how my life is, I'd say the only bad thing is missing out on the life's opportunities that I would rather avoid but that is not necessarily a bad thing.
7: I don't really want to do anything in particular so I kill time with beer and the internet. I work part-time in a restaurant as a dishwasher.
8: Considering the stress and peer-pressure that the majority go through I'd say I am thankful for being Schizoid.
9: In my teen years I was a bit of a nightmare. I defied the education system and failed in my grades on purpose, all I wanted to be was an artist or a bin man so I did not see the point in trying. I was pretty much a starving artist and may have took it a bit too far. Had a girlfriend once, she got bored of me so I let her go since I learned that romance is too much and not really my thing. I've learned that I am happiest without the demands that others put on me.
10: I would like to increase the volume of my voice so I would not have to repeat myself to everyone I talk to.
11: Many things annoy me. For example, having to repeat myself because the person said 'what' probably out of habit spite having heard me perfectly. Dropping things, rude people, loud people, sneezing, dog barking etc. Stuff like that.

I'm still not completely sure if I have SPD, but that alarm at the back of my mind keeps bringing me to research more about it. I seem to fit the remote schizoid description best.

• When you think of yourself, aside from SPD, what stands out? The "three words to describe yourself" type thing.

Hobbyist, diverse, introvert.

• Can you remember a time before onset, or do you think it's always been there?

As far as I can remember, everything aside from the depression has always been there. The depression didn't start until sometime between the ages of 12-14 due to bullying and stress.

• What do others see? What have they observed? What do they like?

For the first few years, people saw a weird person since I was trying to hide it (that and the lack of social skills). Now that I stopped faking it that way, I'm mostly seen as normal and smart, but shy.

• Which pieces of SPD or your respective individual personality have given you the biggest hardships/problems/stressors socially or otherwise? Which have given advantages?

My emotions (whenever I wasn't faking) gave me trouble. I always had that feeling that there was something missing, like I should be feeling something stronger. I didn't feel human. My emotions are, however, stronger when I'm by myself or daydreaming. On the other, I guess I can be a decent voice actress after all of that time faking.

• What pieces of you contradict your SPD dx?

I used to care about forming platonic relationships, but after moving somewhere every 2-4 years before going to college, I grew more apathetic. Aside from that? I can hold grudges.

• What are your favorite parts? Your least favorite?

Whenever I do feel a strong enough positive emotion, I feel so alive. However, every time I do, I get exhausted.

• What do you like to do? If you work, what is your job?

I like composing music, programming things in JAVA, learning about different things, listening to music, etc. I don't have a job yet, but I'm currently in college pursuing an electronics and engineering degree.

• Do you care that you're different? Do you wish you didn't have SPD?

I'm used to being different. Even in personality, I'm different compared to most people I know, including my relatives.

• Growing up (or presently), did you feel a need to be individual, or a greater desire for conformity? Or did you not care about one way or another?

I used to want to conform, but every time I tried, it didn't feel right. I ended up sculpting various things about myself from scratch, and have never felt better.

• What do you want to improve?

I wouldn't minded finding a way to feel stronger emotions more. There were times that I needed to express myself, but couldn't. I feel like, if I were to cry more often, I'd feel better for a longer amount of time (those memories of who I used to be still haunt me sometimes).

• What makes you want to table-flip?

People that are too stupid. I went to school with enough of those. Loud eating, those fake personas I had, and remembering middle school (even with the bullying, it was terrible).

[Funny, quiet, sarcastic.

Yes up until about the last 10 years I was probably not SPD. I was outgoing and read books like "how to make friends" and such.

Many think I am weird. But most people think I am funny and like to talk to me. It is mostly me that rejects people over and over again by not doing what they say and not going out with them or looking pained if I do have to go out with them. They end up confused as to why I seem like such a good person and someone they want to get to know but *I* keep telling them I don't want to get to know them.

The biggest hardship comes from the idea that I don't care what others think I am willing to live my life on my terms and am unaffected by typical worldly pressures that control most other people. I find it funny that as a child we were always told not to give into peer pressure but as an adult that is a key bonding activity. I believe I gain an advantage by not being really affected too much but a lot.

Mostly well regarded and people are drawn to me. I am considered funny in a positive "Sandra Bullock" way.

I like to watch good tv, I like to watch good movies, I like to do DIY home projects. I work as an attorney, can you believe that? Lots of involvement with others. But a very toxic work environment which probably has turned me SPD.

I do recognize it is a problem and I do recognize that that I would like to go back... but I also feel like what I am right now it a direct result of experience and therefore I don't think it will ever happen and I can't really care. I do feel in someways there is nothing wrong with me.

Before now I had a greater desire for conformity but I had hope back then it would make a difference. But now I see it won't so as the great Frank Sinatra said "I want to do it my way"

Finding good friends and not being considered such an outcast.

People who walk in front of me too slowly because they are looking at their phones.