Help

need answers! Or at least to be told I'm not the only person that relives the same terror every day. This is just going to be a short glimpse into my daily life. 1st I've been dealing with this since I was a child, it's just getting worse and deeper. Im a really shy person, you will see me taking off on a walk by myself when involved in a big crowd. Even with my OWN FAMILY I've known my whole life! I get really anxious and nervous.* To the point where I cf ant breathe.* I've always enjoyed being in my own thoughts because honestly, I feel like an outsider, like I'm the only person alive that has the same mindset or mentality as me. Not that I think I'm superior than anybody,* just more logical and not held down by emotions. I never cry, I don't argue with people because I'm more reserved than that. Plus, I just never feel the need. Now this is where it gets interesting, for about 5 years now, I've gotten to were anytime I'm at home by myself, I get this feeling of impending doom, pure terror,* almost like I'm constantly running from Freddy in the horror movies. Its crippling, I've always been an independent person,* so it's hard to ask my family for help because I know they wouldn't understand.* I'm always seeing almost like premonitions and I can't control them. I've seen my son get shot in the head by an intruder.* Or my son having to watch me get hurt and I can't help him. I know it's supposed to be mind over matter but that one aspect I cannot seem to stop. I won't take a shower unless someone is home to sit with my son because I always have that gut feeling that something is going to happen. And if I'm in the shower when it does, then I wouldn't make it to my son before someone else does and I can't take that chance. I pace the floors, check the locks and windows religiously, and stay up all night with my mind racing. Its very exhausting just trying to act normal so I don't have o explain what's going on, because after all, this is not normal and I don't expect many people to understand.

You are definitely not alone. Sounds like panic attacks. Can you leave your house to see a psychiatist?

I can, I just gave up on the doctors around here though, they only ever want to put me on meds and I have my son all the time by myself, I can't be on medication all the time. It sucks 😔

Have you considered trying to talk to a therapist? Maybe there's some old trauma or something that is underlying your fear. Did anything ever happen to you in real life, that you remember, where you got really terrified?

Sounds very OCD-like but it's a bit worse than plain OCD

i hope you feel better soon. i used to be like that and still am only not even half as bad. the thing that helped me, although you may not want to hear, was meds. they saved my sanity.i hope you can still get counseling too.

Two more things actually.

It's OK to be logical but you do need to process your emotions. You cannot escape them forever. This is a basic principle. Period.

The other thing is, I had something similar to your stuff, not the same but it was also this impending terror and it was pretty crippling. I could not deal with it for quite a while - was about 5 years on/off - so I went to someone recommended by a friend. I thought she was a psychologist but it turned out she was a psychiatrist. So, after the first session she wanted to prescribe me meds. I never went back. I figured out how to solve this problem on my own, I may have got a bit lucky there... Basically I got an inspiration on how to change my attitude about the issue that then resulted in a rather strong catharsis. Been fine since then, that is, this issue never returned.