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#1
Sep 29, 2009, 01:03 PM
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Please help if anyone has any info which can help me.
My uncle has a bad case of schizophrenia. No meds for almost a year. His life has been turned upside down. he is 54. lived with my gma all his life. She passed away last October. I live next door. He has always been just a puppy dog type of guy, kinda out there when you talk to him. His conversations consisted of things from teenage years and people he knew back then and things he did then. You would just agree with him and nod and all ok. NOW, there is no way to talk to him, he gets in to frantic speeches about who he hates and wants to kill, and will kill you and how evryone is against him and he owns everything and everybody owes him. He is a big guy, 6'11 and WAS 400lbs. now he isnt eating and very unhealthy, lost about 100-150 lbs. I can not get him to a DR. he refuses, says nothing is wrong with him. I know he is borderline diabetic too. Maybe is now. HE has not showered in at least 6 months and wears same clothes for months at a time. They smell so awful of urine and sweat, no one can stand close to him. The house is getting destroyed. He gets SS and has money to live and stuff, but when he gets his check, he GIVES it away! literally, and begs for money or cigarettes from anyone he sees. The guy has more risidual money then anyone around I know of. All his house bills and insurances are paid out of a farm account that is in my control. I moved my mother in with him about 8 months ago, but she is now bolted her doors and lives in just a bedroom with a bathroom and is no help to me in getting help for him. She to is entitled to live there as well due to farm income and property ownership. She acctually makes the situation worse. BUT, the home is both of thiers. 50/50 ownership. There is no way we can sell it, for he will never go. Even if it did sell, I would be afraid for the people who buy it, He would, I am afraid to even think what he would do. My mom had not lived or been around him for over 30 years. She just ignored he even exsisted. Now she does the same but with telling him very very mean things and just makes it all around worse. I am desperate for help, I am in the middle, want mom to be happy so she can be around her grandkids and such, but also want my uncle to be comfortable and medicated as well. Agencies and police departments and all such have been no help at all. They tell me he has to be a threat and blah blah, call 911. Everytime someone does call, it breaks my heart, and nothing is ever accomplished when the police come out. It is killing me. They pretty much are telling me until he does do something violent to someone, they wont help. What to do? All this and other things in my life is taking a toll on me. I am on verge of a breakdown. I have always been strong and strong minded, and I am losing that Quality in me.
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San Blubbery Have a joyful day! 
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#2
Sep 29, 2009, 01:58 PM
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Hello blubbery, I've read through your other posts just to get a better sense of what's happening with you. If I've understood correctly, these are the areas/relationships which you currently identify as problematic: - the uncle - the mother - their property - the husband's dog - the husband - your property - the daughter - the son - the money - the job - the lack of help Technically speaking, that's just too much **** going on. No wonder you feel you're on the breaking point. You need to be able to step back, assess and then prioritize because right now, your energy is being pulled in so many different directions you probably feel you're not getting anything done. You cannot do it all so something has to give. Personally, if I was going to order that list above and rearrange it according to priority, I'd say the first item you need to address is the lack of help -- you need help and you need to get help for yourself first. Right now, you are the person most in need of mental health assistance. You can find some of that here. There are a number of different discussion areas -- look around, make some posts, vent and unload a bit. If possible, also see if you can find a local therapist who can help you evaluate and develop a plan of action for dealing with your immediate family: your husband, your daughter and your son. You need to be coming from a place of stability and you can't as long as your place of stability -- your home -- can't offer that to you. Speak to your husband about the dog and try to come up with a plan that's going to remove the dog as one of your burdens of responsibility. Maybe your husband could build an outdoor run for the dog and you could kennel the dog at night when it's in the house. Or maybe you could farm the dog out somewhere else for a while until this current crisis has passed. It sounds like the dog needs some training but unless your husband volunteers for the job, there's no point in adding more to your plate right now. In terms of your mother -- is there anywhere else she can go for a while? An aunt's place, another child's? It sounds as if her presence is inflaming the situation with your uncle. If so, perhaps you could gently encourage her to remove herself from the situation for a period of time. It shouldn't be necessary to point out that your uncle is unstable at the present time but her legal rights will remain her legal rights. In terms of your uncle -- he must have been working with some professionals (a doctor, psychiatrist, health nurse, etc.) at some previous point. If possible, it might be helpful to contact some professionals who are aware of his history and have some insight into his prior stable behavior. They may be able to initiate some action on your behalf, i.e. if he is diabetic and not receiving care, they might be able to act from that angle. You might also benefit from locating a support group for caregivers. NAMI is a national organization but you would likely benefit most from a local support group. You will find other people there who have been in your position, have an intimate knowledge of what's available in your community, and may have some ideas that can help you secure help for your uncle. Some communities have teams that will come out to an individual's home to assess them. Is that an option that's available to you or one that you have explored? Also, when your grandmother passed away, was any sort of cash fund put into place to tend to your uncle's care? If so, you may be able to make use of some private services -- sometimes these offer a better quality of care. Those are just a few ideas for your consideration, blubbery. The situation is complex and complicated and successfully getting through it is going to take some time. While you're struggling with getting that under control, I'm sure you will find many others here and elsewhere, who can offer some encouraging and supportive words. ~ Namaste
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~ Kindness is cheap. It's unkindness that always demands the highest price. Last edited by spiritual_emergency; Sep 29, 2009 at 03:29 PM. |
 tarabug922
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#3
Sep 29, 2009, 03:28 PM
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More ideas for you in terms of your uncle, blubbery. Some of them may be moot because you might have already tried them. Note that none of them are "shoulds" -- you will have to tackle this as you have the capacity to tackle this and that's going to be dependent upon your knowledge, your confidence, and what else is happening in your life. Here, in no particular order are some other suggestions that may be helpful Re-establish contact with former caregivers/med schedule: If possible, I suggest you speak to his former doctor and see if they will give you a prescription for your uncle for the medication he was taking before. Sometimes windows of opportunity open up -- if your uncle were to suddenly become open to taking medication it might be best to seize that opportunity while it's there. It will be much easier to do so if you just have to run back to the house as opposed to trying to take an action that might take days or weeks to implement. Know the legalities: No doubt, you've already been exposed to some aspects of the legalities. It will be helpful if you are very well versed on them. This will allow you to act on windows of opportunity as they present themselves and also allow you to learn/accept where you are powerless to take any action. Please note that the laws that have been implemented to protect the rights of the mentally ill are in place for a reason however they leave family members struggling with no voice in the system of care. If you're not already aware of them, here are two links that may be able to provide you with some additional information: Find him a friend: Ideally, there needs to be someone in your uncle's life that he trusts and can communicate with. Previously, that role was likely filled by his mother but with her passing, he lost an important advocate and voice for himself. You'd noted that previously he was a "puppy dog" kind of guy -- this suggests to me that he was not inclined to anger or violence. He's only become that way since losing his mother and coming off medication. If he can forge a new relationship with someone he trusts and feels comfortable with, that individual may be able to help coax him back into some form of treatment. This may become of critical importance because as you are discovering, the option of forced treatment may not be an option. As a result, you need to try and develop other avenues of reaching him. It doesn't seem to me that your mother will be able to fulfil this role for him. It's possible he was close to another family member, family friend or was involved in peer-support programs -- if so, try to bring that individual back into his circle of care. If not -- try to find someone who can serve this role for him. If he was involved in a peer-support program before, you might be able to find someone there. If he was involved in a religious or spiritual community, you might be able to find someone there. Figure out the finances: I'm assuming that your uncle's primary form of financial support comes from his disability check and that you do not have access to those funds except through him. It also sounds as if he's not capable of managing those funds right now and this might be part of the reason he's not eating well or taking medication. I'm assuming you have some form of guardianship over your uncle, if only in regard to his inheiritence. Perhaps there is a way that you can have his disability cheques delivered care of you. If that was the case you can not only ensure he has adequate and healthy food, you might also be able to negotiate with him, i.e., I'll buy you cigarettes but you have to promise to take a shower. It's also possible that your grandmother left behind a cash fund that can be drawn on additional care. Understand what's happened: The death of a family member is always a stressful situation. In your uncle's case, he not only lost his mother, he also lost his primary caregiver. The stress of that alone could be enough to inflame symptoms but he also came off meds, presumably around the same time. It's important to emphasize this point because too often people can look at only the label and forget that there's a person behind it. Losing a parent would be difficult for most anyone to cope with; all the more so if they felt like the only person in the world who was on your side. At least some of what your uncle is going through -- his resistance, his anger, his defenses -- may be related to a grief response. Meantime, medication isn't always necessary but if people are going to come off, cold turkey seems to be the worst way possible. This may become a negotiation point for your uncle. For example, perhaps he says he doesn't need medication anymore but if you can explain that his rapid withdrawal from meds has created the current situation, he might be open to taking them again for a period of time if you assure him he will be given the opportunity to reduce and slowly withdraw once he is stable once more. If possible, connect him with peer support services: People who have gone through these kinds of experiences often feel that those around them don't understand, can't understand. This may close them to any input from you. Peers however, are people who have gone through an experience that is similar and for that reason, people may be more open to hearing their advice. I know people who will balk and resist if a family member tells them their function has deteriorated but if a peer tells them as much, they just might listen. Connecting your uncle with peers might be a long-term process because he needs to be reasonably stable to be able to accept that experience. You may be able to find peers through local support groups or online groups such as this one. You can also help connect your uncle with positive peer experiences by bringing peers to him, either in the flesh or through books and articles. Naturally, his ability to make use of those kinds of relationships will be dependent upon his ability to communicate with others, to read, or to use a computer. Hopefully, there will be something in the above that might provide some more assistance to you and your uncle. ~ Namaste
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~ Kindness is cheap. It's unkindness that always demands the highest price. Last edited by spiritual_emergency; Sep 29, 2009 at 04:22 PM. |
| tarabug922
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#4
Oct 05, 2009, 05:59 AM
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#5
Oct 24, 2009, 07:44 AM
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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