[Shadowsinsideme]

hi-
My name is Becka. I'm 18 yrs old. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia about a year ago.But I've been having symptoms all my life.

Well, i hope it is ok if i post here because i use to post on another schiz forum and almost everyone there (including the assistant administrator) Did not like me much because i expressed a problem i have with taking my medication--right now, i am taking effexor and trazadone for my depression and anxiety, but i have had a big issue with accepting that i need to get "better" and take the Geodon. this is because my symptoms have been part of me for so long (hearing voices and such), that when i was on antipsychotics and all my symptoms went away, it was very depressing and weird and difficult for me to deal with. I wish they (the other forum)could have accepting that this was just how i feel and that i still needed support--a place to come to where i can talk about this. I am not against medication in any way. I dont ever try to discourage other people with schiz from taking meds, in fact i usually suggest it if they ask for help...i just happen to be having a personal issue with medication myself, which hopefully someday will get better.

so anyways...some of my symptoms include:
-hearing voices (mostly internal) Which mostly have conversations with each other and occasionally talk to me/comment on me,
-feeling possessed/other people inhibiting my body and other kinds of weird bodily illusions,
-paranoia,
-visual hallucinations and visions, some tactile and smell hallucinations,
- negative symptoms, and thought disruption.

So, i hope you guys can accept that i have chosen (for now) not to be on antipsychotics. I am in therapy though so im getting help with this issue.

thanks for reading this

-Becka