[jcsierra]

My husband directed me to these forums, and I have been reading the posts in this section and it just amazed me that some of the people are describing exactly how I feel!
I was dignosed with PTSD about a year ago. I have very bad nightmares, well I always have as far back as I can remember. I try to shrug them off, but they had gotten to the point where I couldn't sleep, I was afraid to go to sleep. I didn't want to have any nightmares, and I would generally have 2 or 3 a night. I was so tired, and I began to feel scared during the day. Of what I had no idea, I would just be terrified that someone or something was going to get me, and I would take myself, my daughter and my dog and lock us in one room until my husband got home. So finally I decided to go to a psychiatrist.
I went to see him and he told me that I had PTSD, from a traumatic childhood. He put me on Zoloft, which got all the way up to 150mg, I still had the nightmares, I didn't feel scared during the day so much, and the Zoloft was making me tired, so I fell asleep easier.
Since I was still having the nightmares, and having them more after speaking to my mom or seeing her, and severe nightmares after even hearing my mother's husbands voice, my doc told me that I should not have any contact with anyone in my family because they were triggers. This was pretty impossible, because I have younger siblings that I love dearly, and would not want to walk away from them. Plus I would feel very guilty for never speaking to my mom again.
To lessen the contact that I had when them, my husband and I decided that it would be best to sell our home, we lived in Illinois, and he was from Missouri, so we sold our home and moved to Missouri. I now live a little over a hour away from them. They wouldn't drive 30 min, let alone an hour. So the time I see them or speak to them is lessened.
Once we moved I no longer had the nightmares. I guess just moving out of the state helped. Well, I should say I didn't have as bad of nightmares, and the scared feelings were gone as well.
Then last week, there was a show on one of those channels that show real life stuff, I can't remember which one. It was called, "A haunting in Georgia" It was talking about this little girl who saw ghosts, and then her parents started seeing them, and then they woke up with scratches on them, and had psychics come in, and spoke to their preacher and all. Well they determined that they were evil spirits demons.. They were showing this as a recreated event.
I knew I shouldnt' have watched it, but I did.. I didn't know it was going to go from ghosts to demons, but it did.
Now I can't sleep again.. and I am up all night, so scared I am going to see something, I keep having images of the ghosts, recreated figures on the show, popping into my mind. If I try to think of something happy, the images show up there.. I can't push them away. I am afraid more so at night, and just keep thinking I am going to see something. I haven't found a new doc since I moved, I am also no longer taking the Zoloft, as it didn't really seem to do much. Plus my doc kinda creeped me out too.. he just always smiled oddly after everything I said, and it just was weird. Well do any of you have any suggestions on how I should get rid of these images, and this fear at night?

thx

[wisewoman]

Please find a pdoc and do it now before this goes any forther. In the meantime maybe looking up stuff on cognitive behavioral therapy will help. Good luck.

[kimmydawn]

hi jc and wecome! i'm sorry that your childhood so affects your life today. i can so relate.

it sounds like you were on the right track with the dr. i would suggest that you find another. however, i would suggest that you add talk therapy in. it's saved the quality of my life to the point where i needed no meds. make sure you find a therapist who is trained and experienced in trauma for adult victims of childhood abuse, ok?

(((((((((((((((jc))))))))))))))) it's hard. i know it. i can tell you...IT CAN GET BETTER.

let us know what you decide to do, ok? until then, we're here to talk, listen and relate.

be safe,

kd