[The Saint]

If you can relate please help. My family and I have been dealing with my schizophrenia for years now.It's kills me to think all that they put up with and go through.I know it's frustrating and at times ridiculous.It kills me to see it in there faces.I wished I could stop it .I wished I could kill it. The past 2years they have had to deal my cancer recovery which seemed almost endless.Now I have torn a legement (PCL) in my knee and will prob need surgery.This once again setting my recovery back.All my small plans have gone to **** and again I'm stuck here not recovering not moving not healing and putting my family through the never ending **** again.It's ****ing killing me it's ****ing killing me.I just want to be normal with small reachable goals but I can't even do that.Everyone thinks I'm ****ing stupid and as you know in a lot of ways that's true.We schizos lose any cognition at a drop of a hat.The written word becomes a smear and for simple math..screw it.I have done a lot better in the past but since someone jacked with my schizo really hard I can't do anything and my family is stuck again with the useless piece of ****.It never ****ing ends ! If people would stop ****ing with me and I can keep healthy I know I could make some progress.I think it's time to go.This will never happen it will never happen it will never happen.

[spiritual_emergency]

Saint, you're letting your doubts and fears get to you. This is the truth: Everyone has difficult times. Everyone feels inadequate at times. When they do, they can get trapped in those feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. It's not a schizophrenic thing, it's a human thing.

Sooner or later, the energy will shift without you doing a thing. In some cases, if you're able to do so, you can help bring that shift along simply by focussing your attention in a different area. Shifts can be produced by thinking and by doing. If you have been thinking of one particular thing, think about something else. If you have been doing one particular thing, do something else.

As an example, right in this moment, you're not extending a lot of kindness to yourself. So, change that. Rather than beating yourself up for the things you haven't done, shift your attention to the things that you have done or can do.

I hope the above might help you feel a bit more at peace with yourself.

~ Namaste