[iamsz]

Anyway i have been diagnosed paranoid sz i had paranoias and i thought i would never get better but latly mylife is changing. i am thinking in first person again which i havent done since i was dx and i am doing better with my paranoia. but i am doing well for five minute and then i get really depressed and think about dying for a half an hour and during this time i am trying to do things but it seems like i do nothing and the time skips hours i have been seeing time just go bye so quick. i am on 1500 mg of depakote i think this is a bipolar med but im not sure it sure isnt stabilizing my mood and the respridol is not helping the paranoia that much i mean this paranoia is so real and i know i am dilusional but i think it is for real i dont feel unsafe now but i am scared to face future and i do not like being around people i think that everyone hates me for doing stupid things in school but wtf i was the biggest sheep or is the word im looking for poser.... but i just cant let this stuff go and i need to