Is life just a performance for you too?

Hi, I have a question.

Is it acceptance to be happy with emotional bluntness?

After 4 years and 6 psychiatrists unable to reach a concrete diagnosis, I have found solace in emotional bluntness! I've recently realised that I don't care anymore and that everytime I have to interact, I approach it as an actress would a role. I'm actually happier now than I can remember being in a long time and this I put down to incompetant psychiatry and acceptance that I actually prefer my self imposed isolation. Is this just the next level in evolution I wonder? Am I becoming Vulcan lol. I don't fear death nor do I actively plan suicide though I know there will come a day when I've had enough and that is fine by me. Selfish? yes! Do I care? No!

I know I'm living the wrong life and can't see a way to get there so I look to the stars sitting out at night and let myself relax and the visions come to me and I get to spend some time in my proper world. What is so wrong in that? As in the previous statement. There will come a time when I will take steps to go there permanently but for the moment I am content with my nightly visits. If the psych forces me back to this existance that they claim is reality then what is the point as I don't want to be there.

My last rremaining "friend", has suggested that I make an appointment to see the PDoc, but although I may "see", the perceived issues, I don't actually want them fixed anymore. What could I say anyway? "hey Doc, just popped in to say hi and I'm happy in my own little world and don't require your assisstance any longer".

Am I wrong or just evolving?

Just thought I would put the thought out there.

Mandypie x

Gee it must be nice !

It is Saint, and then the sun comes up and ruins it or it rains like now and I can't get out. It's got no houses or people in sight, surrounded by mountains and open terrain with a loch that I sit beside and get the clearest views of the stars ever as there is only darkness and the sounds and smells of nature. I love it there, no one bothers me. My friend claims my approach is unhealthy and damaging but what is wrong in finding a place you love and wanting to stay there. Albeit it is in my head but I am truly at peace there!

In the day I am expected to be this person who I don't know as I don't feel her, but simply go through the motions and "act my role". My friend says I am a Jekell, (spelling), and Hyde and weird but follows it with that is why she likes me cause I am unpredictable! At the same time though she is suggesting I seek help! Why? Just leave me the hell alone and let me get back to my mountains!

Seriously, is she right or am I in denial?