[JE30]

I've been with my husband for around 13 years total, married for 3 years. For several years now, I've noticed a change in his behavior. He is not the man that I fell in love with and married in college. Here's the situation:

He had the same job for 7 years as a Financial Consultant. A year ago, the broker he worked for decided that he didn't want my husband to be on salary and moved him to straight commission. But the kicker was that when he moved him to commission, he barely let him call on clients. Not sure why, but when this happened he became very angry and bitter all the time. He then would come home after work and go straight to the basement and get on the Internet.

I then decided that I needed to know what he was looking at when he was downstairs on the computer. The searches were all about bugs being put in homes so the government can spy on people. As time went on, he started drawing weird shapes and colors on the us map and would talk about how cities were made and strategically placed on the map for a reason, 9/11 was a US govt job, etc. He also started seeing shapes in his hands and said that they weren't there before, and that the govt was to blame. He even went to the doc to get his wrist xrayed because he thought a chip was in his wrist. I begged him to see a doc and he said that people would think he's crazy.

Back to his job....he became very angry when he would come home from work, so I suggested that he talk to his branch mgr to quit and get unemployment bc he was so unhappy. He was once one of the top rookies in his office, but then he blamed the broker he worked for that he wouldn't let him be productive, etc. The branch mgr loved my husband and thought alot of him, so he granted unemployment. My husband was jobless for 7 months and things seemed to be getting better with his behavior. He seemed happy and he was hardly on the Internet.

He finally found a job in the bank industry. As soon as he started the new job, things were good for about a month. Well, we just went on vacation and things took a turn for the worse.
We were with his whole family in the mtns having a great night. Well, his aunt saw where I posted on my Facebook page that I was bored. She confronted him about it very upset. Instead of coming to me to talk to me about why I put this on my page, he walked over to my purse, reached for my phone, took it and smashed it on the ground. It scared me immensely and his family said nothing to him or me! The rest of the vacation when I would try and talk to him, he would clinch his fist like he wanted to hit me and said that Facebook is the devil.

My once sweet husband has turned into an angry, bitter man. I love him to death and know that he needs help. Is he bipolar or schizophrenic? How do I get him toa doctor? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening,
jE30

[costello]

Hi JE:

There do seem to be some signs of paranoia in your story. And possibly psychosis. The work situation could have been a trigger for an episode. He sounds a bit old for a first episode, but it's possible. Can you talk to his doctor about getting a physical? Some physical illnesses and conditions present with psychiatric symptoms. Is he abusing drugs or alcohol?

It's a tough situation. If he doesn't want to see a doctor there's little you can do. If he'd smashing your property and clinching his fists, he may be on the road to threatening you with physical violence or hitting you. If that happens you can call the police and possibly get him hospitalized involuntarily. Depending on your state you'll probably have to show he's an imminent danger to himself or others or some such thing.

Personally I hate involuntary hospitalizations, because I think the words "forced" and "treatment" don't fit together. If your husband believes he's being spied on and is receiving messages, he's probably confused and frightened anyway. Forcibly placing him into a hospital will feed the fear.

I have in the past tricked my son into admitting himself voluntarily. I even hate doing that. One time he was convinced people were trying to kill him. I told him he'd be safe in the hospital. It got him to the hospital, but they didn't hold him for long (3 days). You may be better off talking to him about his fears and working to build an alliance with him. The things he's afraid of may be delusions but the fear is real. Keep in mind that paranoid people can suddenly and seemingly inexplicably turn that paranoia on you. You can easily become the "enemy." It's maybe a role you should try to avoid.

Another approach would be to focus on yourself rather than him. Educate yourself. Possibly see a therapist for yourself, preferably one with some experience with psychosis and mood disorders.

Good luck to you. This is probably the beginning of a long journey. Don't expect any miraculous solution.

Take care of yourself.

[SakuraLi]

JE30, I`m sorry your going through this. I agree with Costello she is right on the money. My boyfriend of 8 years has schizophrenia. Its been a long hard journey and it is hard for everyone coping with loved ones with SZ and bi polar. What I can recommend to you is get as much support as you can to help you cope: family, friends, support groups etc. Next, this maybe be hard at times but make sure you are relaxed around your husband try not to hold tension he may detect when you are tense around him and that may put him on edge too. You want to make sure your husband is as relaxed as much as possible. The more tention and stress he goes around with the worse state of mind he will be in. See if he will let you massage him if you are willing to do this. I think if you can do calming soothing things for your husband you maybe see little positive changes. See if he can do somethings for you to help soothe and relax you. With me and my bf I tend to focus on whats going wrong and why stuff happens the way it does. And I`d been going into a spiral of worries and depression because of the stuff thats negative for a long time now but Im trying to be more positive and not be so tightly wound about my bf. But my bf is doing ok these days having done a full course of treatment and meds for several years. But everyone is different. with your husband it may take time to get him into treatment and on meds. during this time you will need a great support team to help you survive your own personal lows and issues you might develop. Try not to become consumed with the disfunction that has and will take place. Realize with mental illness you husband is not doing these terrible things to hurt you he literally has no control. It took me almost as long as I`ve been with my bf to understand he didn`t do stuff on purpose. trying to understand that can be very hard. But to answer your question is your husband likely BP Or SZ it sounds like SZ to me. Anyway encourage him to get to the doc. Asurre him he`s not crazy and no one will think he is crazy Good luck. The most important thing to remember is maintain your own peace of mind and mental and emotional health.