[Beautiful_Pain]

Everything was unreal, including me. The floor I walked on, all the objects in my house, my body, my mind...I couldn't see properly--everything was in a grey haze. Blurred, distant, untangible, unreal. =/ My head felt like it was smaller to my hands, and it was unreal, felt like it would spin off at any moment. But it also felt heavy to actually move it. I felt like my body and mind were dissolving into the grey nothingness I saw all around me. I couldn't think cohesively, or speak fluently. Which I think if I had gone into the haze/fog/nothingness...I would have been in complete psychosis. Completely out of touch with any type of reality. I didn't let myself go there, as I'm still trying to wait until after xmas to break like this. So I burned my arm 5x last night, which helped...though the feelings with my head spinning off are already starting to come back, right now, since I woke up. I feel no pain...my lips where numb also last night, it was hard to speak out loud during my discussion with a make believe dr and nurse XD So that means, I guess?, that I let myself retreat into psychosis a few paces? If so, then I am there a step or 3 in most of the time *sigh* Many non real situations and scenarios...I talk out loud to people who aren't there, even feel them sometimes, hear them, smell them. *sigh*

Well enough rambling, I guess =/

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Um hon I really think it may be best to go to the hospital sooner than you had wanted....You don't have to but you seem like you are so much closer to that break you spoke of..or call a T and get a med adjustment for now

hugs

[CedarS]

I agree with Sleeps, can you call a T? Can you get into the hospital soon?

We are all hoping the best for you.