[KUREHA]

The student counsellor is trying to get me kicked out of college and sent to the hospital. Just because I took a knife with me that was only for protection.
She is trying to call my nurse and psychologist, I think she is just being harsh and over reacting.

Everything is just getting worse, my medication won't work properly. College has me stressed and I just can't cope with all the sleeper cells.

[sandworm]

wow, I am sorry you are dealing with so much. I hope it gets better and this
is just a patch to get through.

_S_

[shezbut]

(((Kureha)))

A break from school might not be a bad idea. Just a few days even ~ get onto the right med/s and into a happier state of mind.

University professors are always very understanding. Special rules are made for times when students need a physical and or emotional break from classes, and the break doesn't hurt grades.

Ex: I was a senior in college and switching meds due to dangerous side effects of one that I'd been on for a while. It was finals week, to make things even more distressing to me. I sat down with one of my professors to explain the situation. He advised me to take a break, following my medical doctor's advice, and tell my other professors that I would take their final's within a few months. {I really didn't want to take the break, but I also didn't want my grades to suck!} I followed his advice and everything went very smoothly! It was no big deal for them to wait a couple of months, none of them minded a bit. And I'm sure that my grades were a lot better than if I'd just forced myself to continue going through with the finals ~ because my brain could NOT do it then.

Very best wishes and gentle hugs to you!

[KUREHA]

Thanks

I only do 2 days - I'm part time and I've already have a break. So I just have to be there.

The student counsellor, the teachers - they are being all negative, they think I'm too ill to do it right now. My psychologist and nurses aren't saying that.

They are the ones against me at college - I'd like to see them cope perfectly fine, if they were being gang stalked.

[sabby]

(((((((((((( KUREHA )))))))))))))

I know that you feel you are protecting yourself from the sleeper cells. Unfortunately, it's quite a different story when you bring a knife to school, even if only for protection. There is always a chance that someone could get very badly hurt or worse and that is what the teachers and the counselor are trying to prevent from happening. They are responsible for creating a safe place for every student at the school.

It may be worth your while to take care of the immediate issue in your life which is finding the right combination and dose of medication to help you be able to deal with life in a more healthy and safe way. After you become more stable and calm, then you can go back to school and take your courses.

I give you kudos for wanting to continue your education. I think that is great! But I also think that if anything bad was to happen to you or someone else because of that knife, you would feel just awful and that would bring a whole new mess to your life, one that could have very difficult consequences.

Please take some deep breathes and listen to your nurse and pdoc and T. No one wants bad things to happen to you hon. They truly are trying to help you and keep you safe.


sabby

[KUREHA]

I know I shouldn't have trusted her - I'll see her next week and stop after that, just to see why she is against me.

She's like I'm not having a go at you - I'm just trying to make you understand. Well I understand perfectly. My nurse M.I.A she was never like that - she understood my point of view and god I miss her.
I can't miss more of college - unless of course she gets me kicked out and the next college is forever away.

My medication was working fine - I can't see the psychiatrist I don't trust him - he doesn't listen anyway - the other 1 was better.

How are you sabby?

[KUREHA]

Then she pretends to care - "Be careful sweet heart - some people won't like that"

She's a fake - she can't see anyone elses point of view - too close minded - she just lies - fills your head with lies to get you on side.

I see through her - I can see those lies - the medication not working has to mean something - maybe its expanding my mind. Maybe I need more.

Anyone know what the max dose of abilify is?

[KUREHA]

My medication has lost the ability to control me - either that or the sleeper cells are allowing me to see more.

The true benefits of the medication must be working.
I'm stuck with the anxiety - but I have been for a long time - so why should it matter now.

Now that I'm seeing it all - my confusion should clear up

[costello]

I don't know what the maximum dose is, but aren't you taking 15 mg already? Why don't you give it a chance at this dose?

[KUREHA]

It's not doing what usually happens - in fact its doing the opposite.

[cybermember]

Please heed Sabby's advice. Bringing a weapon to school is just not cool.

[KUREHA]

If they let me stay. I think they are going to search me anyway.

[KUREHA]

It's just so hard to tell, the OCD was so much easier to see that.

[sabby]

KUREHA, I'm concerned about you hon. If I read your posts correctly, it sounds like your thoughts are a bit up, down and all around right now.

I'm doing pretty good, thank you for asking hon.

I know you want to stay in college and it would be great if you could. Sometimes we have to deal with what we are dealt when it comes to whether we like our nurses or trust our psychiatrists. I know a little of how the health care system works in the UK and from what I've seen, you don't have much of a choice when a change in your team is made.

Is there any way you can call for a team meeting? I wonder if it would help you and the others to have one so that you are all on the same page together. Then you can all be involved in the process as to what you are on for meds, how much you should be taking, how it's working or not working for you now, etc. etc.

Please take good and safe care of yourself KUREHA.

[mgran]

Hi Kureha, I'm a bit worried about you as well... being caught bringing a knife to school isn't good. But the thing I'm really worried about is you asking about what's the max dose of abilify. Please don't take more than you've been prescribed.

Fact is that the max dose is different per person... what might be a safe a dose for a big muscular man could be fatal for a slightly built woman. If you read online that a maximum safe dose is such and such, bear in mind that this is just an estimate. Messing with this stuff, you could damage yourself, even kill yourself. Please be careful.

[KUREHA]

Well I'm not getting kicked out of college - the nurse told me this morning. Although if I bring a knife they are going to say I'm not well enough to do the course.
I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can talk to the nurse - I 'll just talk to him about the medication - I just don't want to say the wrong things.

Don't worry about the meds - I asked my nurse a few months ago if I could take 50mg, she said I'd probably collapse - so I know I can't go over that. Plus she told me about people that have overdosed before.

[Shoe]

Hey Kureha if you can't finish college it isn't the end of the world. I had to drop out when I was in my early 20's because of mental health issues. Then about 20 years later I went back to school and got a 4 year degree. Things change and conditions change.

[KUREHA]

That's cool I just want to get to uni fast though - I don't want to be too old for jobs of waste even more time.

I just want to get college over with - but everyone is doubting my ability.

[mgran]

Hi Kureha,

don't worry about getting through uni fast. I had to take a year out after A levels, before starting uni, and then I had to take a year out after my second year for mental health reasons. I did finish in the end. It's not the fastest who wins the race, often, it's the most persistent. Just keep plodding on, taking it a day at a time, and see how things work out. I'm glad that you're not going to take too much of your med, that was a worry to me. I'm really hoping that at some point they find something which will help you get through.

Just to let you know, your sheer determination and ability to get up day after day, and keep on trying, no matter what cr@p life throws at you is inspiring. You mightn't realise it, but just by keeping on you're doing a great thing. It doesn't matter if road blocks come up, if you have to pause before going on... what matters is that you keep on trying. And I've never heard you whingeing or feeling sorry for yourself ... you just grit your teeth and try again. Thank you for that. You have a lot of strength, and I don't think you give yourself credit. Personally, I'm sure that you'll do it in the end, also that you'll be getting better over time. You'll look back some years from now, and see how far you've come. Keep it up girl. You're doing fine.

[KUREHA]

Thanks,

It's just they all think I'm not well enough - even the nurse is saying it now and he wasn't before. Only leaves my psychologist that thinks I can do it.

I just don't want to be doing nothing aas much as I hate going to college - I only have until May to keep going - then I can relax for a bit.

If the sleeper cells would stop things would be fine.

I'm going to call the nurse tomorrow though - because I need some help for college - because outside is so hard to cope with.

[costello]

I just want to get to uni fast though

You sound like my son. He also wants to get stuff done fast. I think that's a young person's thing. You get a little older, and it doesn't seem that important to rush to the finish. The finish of one thing is just the start of the next. Might as well slow down and try to enjoy the journey.

I just don't want to be doing nothing aas much as I hate going to college - I only have until May to keep going - then I can relax for a bit.

This sounds like my son too, except he's trying to get a job. As much as he hates sitting around all day with nothing to do, he's really scared to get a job.

[costello]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Only leaves my psychologist that thinks I can do it.

I think you can do it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And take that Abilify, every day, as prescribed. I think things will even out for you.

[KUREHA]

Thanks - I just feel like I've wasted too much time already - I don't want to waste more.

I managed to do the full day yesterday - well it was either that or I'd be off the course, but I stayed all 6 hours.

I'm going to try and make some friends next week - that will be hard though.

[costello]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

I managed to do the full day yesterday - well it was either that or I'd be off the course, but I stayed all 6 hours.

Hurrah! That is such good news. How did it go? Be sure to give yourself some time to relax, unwind, and recover.

I'm going to try and make some friends next week - that will be hard though.

Good luck!

[KUREHA]

Thanks, my psychologist was impressed as well.

I was really anxious – but I still went and my anxiety went up and down , but I stuck with it – I really wanted to go home, but I was glad I stayed.
They all doubted me – well all at college and they were wrong, well as long as I can do it every week.

I just need to not look out the window so much, I’m sure I seen someone disappear.

I’m just wondering if I can do it without my meds.

We get 2 breaks so I want to ask someone if I can go with them, but I don’t know who to ask, I was going to ask the 2 people that look most ‘popular’ but I’m worried they’ll just laugh at me, but maybe it will be ok as well, cliques don't matter so much when you get older - I think.