I feel like there is a hole where my heart was. My mind is humming about how I need to imagine me future. Honestly, I want to walk away. i don't know why the streets call me sometimes, they do. they are, now. i know where it heads, take me from the view of all the people who have love for me, then the voices have their real fun. i want to be destroyed. i want to enter the singularity, i'll be recycled, so, so what. As usual, I don't care enough. i'll just sit till work, then I'll think about something else, eventually. i used to put trees in a wood chipper. i want to be processed through a wood chipper, today, now, anyway. my blood and guts and crushed bones and mangled brains would be a site that would give pleasure to some, anyway. at least i could feel needed while i got crushed and mangled, before i ended.

sorry, just needed to voice this.

I'm alright. thanks.

[costello]

Have you been able to sleep at all? For how many day have you been unable to sleep? If you've had insomnia in the past, what, if anything, helped?

i can't remember.

[costello]

Originally Posted by brookwest

i can't remember.

Is there anyone who would remember? Your wife maybe?

I'll ask her. She does home dialysis and it consumes her time and energy. I make the meals and do housework. I've been worried about my step-son, he has been away for a few days.

[costello]

Originally Posted by brookwest

I'll ask her. She does home dialysis and it consumes her time and energy. I make the meals and do housework.

I think you should interrupt her with this question. It's important. You need to get some sleep.

I've been worried about my step-son, he has been away for a few days.

Has he run away? My adopted son did that a few times, and I was sick with worry.

He is back now. He was up north with my wifes ex-best friend who hates us and encourages our son to hate us.

[costello]

Originally Posted by brookwest

He is back now. He was up north with my wifes ex-best friend who hates us and encourages our son to hate us.

At least you know he's physically safe.

Did he run away? In Kansas it's a crime to knowingly take in a runaway minor child.

no. we aren't trying to stand in his way from seeing this person. she is very clever and she scares me.