[DePressMe]

I have not posted much in this forum. I think because I have a little bit of denial about my illness. I've been dxed with depression with psychotic features. Its the psychotic features that give me the most problems. Mainly I get paranoid and have hallucinations of people trying to get me. There have been times where I took boards and nailed shut my doors and hung blankets over my windows. I've been in the psych ward 3 times for doing things like this.

Its really terrifying when the people start chasing me. I feel like I need to tell you how scared I get--it's terrifying to have the people trying to get me. Sometimes I can hear them talking. I can't always understand what they are saying but I know they are talking about what they are going to do to me. When I can understand them they are yelling at me and saying they are going to get me. If they get me they will kill me--I have no doubt about that.

Right now I am on my meds and the meds are pretty good at keeping my hallucinations to a minimum. I feel like I need to open up and talk about these things. Thanks for reading this--any feedback would be welcomed.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by DePressMe

...it's terrifying to have the people trying to get me. ...
Right now I am on my meds and the meds are pretty good at keeping my hallucinations to a minimum. I feel like I need to open up and talk about these things. Thanks for reading this--any feedback would be welcomed.

I'm really sorry you are suffering through all this. It isn't easy to share it with people who have never experienced it.
But most of us on this forum have had it in chunks and can relate.

I hope you find a solution that helps you with both the paranoia and heaviness of depression.

[likewater]

(((Depressme))) can you get a home security system? Would that make you feel safer? I know what it is like to be scared. I have ptsd and then had an ex husband stalk me. Made it a lot worse. Wishing you peace.

It sounds like your imagination is on overdrive and becoming a problem for you.

I'm diagnosed with Major depression with psychotic features also.

I get by well enough to be a step-dad and husband. I've been married for ten years. I struggle with thoughts on occasion. It doesn't scare me anymore. I let them out here mostly and with my psychologist. I can control them enough to have friends in the real world where people don't rely on psychiatry and psychology.

I hope you can distance yourself from your thoughts enough to find happiness.

G'luck brook.

[DePressMe]

likewater, I can't get a home security system because right now I'm living in a camper. I don't have the money for an apartment.

[Gr3tta]

i always keep all the windows covered. funny how when i've done it with blankets and duct tape i'm "psychotic," but when i do it with blinds and curtains i'm "decorating."

i try to use my dogs as my early warning system. if they're not barking at it, i can consider that it might not be there. but of course this is far from perfect.

[costello]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta

i always keep all the windows covered. funny how when i've done it with blankets and duct tape i'm "psychotic," but when i do it with blinds and curtains i'm "decorating."

lol...

i try to use my dogs as my early warning system. if they're not barking at it, i can consider that it might not be there. but of course this is far from perfect.

I also have a dog who makes me feel safer. I used to have this little spaniel who barked at everything. The dog I have now - my Great Dane, Bridey - only barks at important stuff. And even though she's a coward at heart, she sounds and looks very scary. I've left her in the car with the windows down and my laptop in plain sight with no fear of anyone trying to steal it.

[likewater]

I loooove great danes. Ok , i confess, i looooove all dogs. Mine , a standard poodle, who looks like a giant muppet , saved me when someone broke in my bedroom window. They look cuddly, but don't threaten their owners! Now she is 13 and has hardly any teeth but her bark still sounds mean and burglars dont know difference. :-)

[costello]

Originally Posted by likewater

I loooove great danes.

I have some photos of Bridey in my photo album on this site.

Ok , i confess, i looooove all dogs.

I'm a dog lover too. My dog is spoiled. She goes to doggie day care while I'm at work. Heaven on earth for dogs and dog lovers.

I had a dog when I was very young that seemed to adopt me. I still love her. I have a dog now that I am begining to love. He is a very affectionate and bouncy small dog.

[costello]

I have to share a dog story. I was just now relaxing on my bed. My dog was sleeping next to me, and my cat was sleeping in his little bed. Suddenly the cat gave a little cough, like he had a hair ball, and my 125 pound dog jumped straight up into the air from a dead sleep and raced for the door to escape.

Some watch dog! Scared of a cat's cough.

My dog is skiddish also. He is small and hasn't expereinced the outdoors much. It is in his best interest to be skiddish.

[glorp]

The covered windows are a major problem, I have come to realize from personal experience.

They create the illusion of safety and secrecy, but in truth they draw attention. Bad attention. Who is inside that house with the blackout curtains that never ever open? What goes on in there? Are they cooking meth? Wanking off all day? Trafficking child prostitutes? Sending spam e-mails? Is it an opium den? A voodoo shrine? Are there 150 cats in there? Or just some paranoid nut? What's he look like? Does he have a three foot beard? An aluminum foil hat, maybe? What the hell is he building in there?

The only cure is to open all the windows of your dwelling. First get every visible room tidy, if showing off your squalor to the world is a source of anxiety, even if it means taking treasured junk to the landfill. People probably will look in at first. But then they will realize you are as boring as anyone else and stop. Go about your business, but devote a certain amount of time to sitting at the window and watching. Watch cars drive past. Watch other people's windows, across the street. Watch anyone walking by. Scan the landscape in all the corners you might imagine the watchers lurking until you have convinced yourself that they are not really there. Whatever power you imagined they had over you, you now have for real. If you can convert your mental image of a window from something to be seen through into something for you to see everyone else through, you have won. The next step is to do the same trick to your eyes.

Also, sunlight provides vitamin D, a chemical which is necessary for life not to suck. If you never go outside, at least make sure you take vitamin D pills, or you're never going to feel up to it.

[costello]

Wow. What a great response, glorp. The wisdom of personal experience. Beautiful. I love the idea of changing the window from something to see in with to something to see out with.

And I never would have thought of the vitamin D thing - even though people talk about it all the time on my low carber forum. You need direct sunlight to make vitamin D. The light that comes through the window glass has the rays you need filtered out. So you can get a sunburn through the glass but you'll still never make enough vitamin D.

Edited to add: This reminds me of a house I drive past regularly. He's built a privacy fence all around it so the house is nearly completely hidden and posted KEEP OUT and NO TRESPASSING and DO NOT ENTER signs all over it. The fence itself is in need of paint and repairs. I have to admit I wonder what's going on there when I drive past. I tend to assume there's a paranoid sz living there, but that's because of my personal experience with my son.

Hi DePressMe. I too have been diagnosed with depression with psychotic features. It totally sucks! I'm terrified of ending up in the hospital and so battle daily to control my behaviour so people don't know. It's physically and mentally draining to hide it, but my fear of the hospital is greater than my fear of anything in the real world. I do understand the urge to cover windows etc, but totally agree with glorp that it creates unwanted attention and makes things worse in the long run.

How long have you had psychotic depression everyone? I've been depressed almost 5 years, with psychotic features for 2 years I'm starting to wonder if it's ever going to get better of it this could be a life-long thing (not that pdocs or Ts have ever said that).

*Willow*