[newtus]

about how i see patterns in everything.
i mean...my thoughts..i mean idk how to explain..

i made a mistake of buying a striped yellow/gray shirt
THOSE PEOPLE WILL FIND ME IF I EVEN GO OUT WITH YELLOWJACKET PATTERN CLUNG TO MY SKIN. IM A TARGET AS IS AND ILL BE DEAD AS IS IN A STRIPED FASHION.

in fear i have flushed 120 pills of haldol/xanax/& ambien acouple days ago down to toilet to give them a taste if my their own medicine that THRYVE GIVEN ME.

[RunningEagleRuns]

do you have a doctor or friend to talk to?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by RunningEagleRuns

do you have a doctor or friend to talk to?

my doctor dropped me....2 weeks ago.
i dont know anyone. you know.
i usually sit alone all day
unless im doing an errand with my father on the weekend

[KUREHA]

Sorry you're having a hard time.

I know without my psychologist things would be worse for me, she helps me sort things out.

I know how it gets whens you don't have anyone to give their view.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Sorry you're having a hard time.

I know without my psychologist things would be worse for me

its ok.
i quit therapy a day after my psych dropped me.

i wish this would have been sorted out with police i wish they wouldnt have treated me like a crazy....
.....
....
i wish theyd give me the time and listen
those mofos were THERE they are still THERE AS WELL AS HERE.
the more i think about it the less i believe im a psych patient
im glad i flushed all those meds now
i bet i domt even have s-affective dx

[KUREHA]

Sorry you don't see your therapist anymore - I always told my nurse I didn't want to see her, she still came though.

The police have never helped me either, I'd just had them laugh at me or look at me like WTF or pretend they'll help.

The police don't do much of anything, whether you're perfectly sane or totally nuts. Unless you're the one committing the crime or you have a bunch of money, they don't care... So don't worry too much, you guys! : )

I think, regardless of having a diagnosis or not, everyone should see a therapist. Even "normal" people need a professional opinion when life gets hard to deal with. And, unlike the police, they'll usually listen. Even if they don't always believe you. Their judgements are based in the commonly accepted notion of reality & in your personal safety... So sometimes it seems like they are against YOU, when they are really just against certain thoughts/behaviours that are consuming you.

[newtus]

america is a POLICE STATE

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by newtus

america is a POLICE STATE

I don't think you're alone in that sentiment, though probably most people wouldn't state it quite so strongly.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

most people wouldn't state it quite so strongly.

THIS is what im sayinging. THIS is PART of the reason why im being watched/following/trying to be killed. THIS is what im trying to tell EVERYONE.

i am not mad. you are on to something here that maybe only 1 or 2 people since ive been here a year on here have mentioned.

ive inherited a ruminating thinking, persistance from my mother but she is passive
i have inherited an aggressive, persistance from my father but he goes from one thing to another

i go around and around on the same thing agressively until i get what i want. NOT MANIPULATIVE. im saying change. im SAVING THIS PLACE MAN. IM SAVING THIS WORLD MAN. FROM EVIL.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS IS WHAT THE GOVT FEARS. I POSSESS QUALITIES THEY HATE THEY DESPISE. I ALSO POSSESS KNOWLEDGE THEY HIDE.

PLANES
HELIS
PEOPLE
SPIES
SUITMEN FBI
ALL & EVERYTHING
AFTTER ME

that is only part of it BUT SEE WHAT IM SAYING NOW EVERYONE
THERES NO ONE ELSE LIKE ME ANYWHERE ANY THAT. IS. WHY. I. AM. BEING. TRACKED. BECAUSE. I. AM. PERSISTANT. AND. ACTIVE. WITH. WHAT. I. KNOW.

[fishsandwich]

Newtus, I think most people would agree with a less extreme form of what you say - yes. But also, most people are OK with that. They don't see it the way you and I do. That's important to keep in mind.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

Newtus, I think most people would agree with a less extreme form of what you say - yes. But also, most people are OK with that. They don't see it the way you and I do. That's important to keep in mind.

do they agree with murder and vengance against mental pros. os omcuh they deserve the beatings of a bat to the face and fires set to their afamliies memebers.

I'd understand your anger & fear getting to a point of having violent obsessions... But their family members? They probably don't even know who you are, let alone any possible reasons why you would want to set them on ****ing fire! Lmao.

Relax. Meditate. Take a deep breath for a second because there is a lot more in the world than the negativity & conspiracies you are so afraid of. They're not all consuming. They're really not. Promise. : )

[newtus]

i swear to god. im CHRISTIAN idont care what other people believe. i am and i swear to god on his crucifix that THIS stuff is not CONSPIRACY.

its IS real

ill set fires to their families. their pets. ill set it to their childrens toddlers newborns to their financial assets. ill set iit to their parents their possessions to their grandparents newphews nieeces.

IM QUESTIONING THE WHY F**K AM I ON HERE ANYMORE

[newtus]

no one does a double take down the barrel of a sawed of shot

[costello]

Originally Posted by newtus

IM QUESTIONING THE WHY F**K AM I ON HERE ANYMORE

I'm sorry you're in such pain right now, but I'm glad you come here to talk to us.

I'm glad too; I'm just trying to soothe you. We all know there is always some bigger, frightening power over our head... Be it the media, the government, the Universe. But sometimes simply acknowledging something as unknown & unchanging helps to relieve the fear.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Newtus, I have to admire the way you speak your heart here. I feel your pain and anger. I have had that too.

When I feel hunted like that, I usually make myself invisible. I use radio silence, and stop thinking verbally. I stop writing, so even the less psychic forces can't tell what I am thinking, and it makes it more difficult for them to find me. Of course it also means that my friends who want to help me don't know what is going on, but they suspect it from my reclusive actions.

As for ditching the psych meds, I think that is where the real danger lies for us. Being on them helps some people, and not others (I found out I'm an "others"), and being off them is also a very rough ride for those of us with accurate Schizoaffective diagnoses. We feel things others don't, and are aware of things others feel less strongly about. But it is in that transition period of coming off drugs that our minds get most warped, I believe. Our pain is hugely amplified and we tend to do things that make us targets for people who want us to conform socially.

If you can, I hope you manage to get the help of someone who takes your anger and pain seriously, and can help you get out of the zone of med drug withdrawal and the land of stripey yellow jacket targets.


TS

Originally Posted by newtus

about how i see patterns in everything.
i mean...my thoughts..i mean idk how to explain..

i made a mistake of buying a striped yellow/gray shirt
THOSE PEOPLE WILL FIND ME IF I EVEN GO OUT WITH YELLOWJACKET PATTERN CLUNG TO MY SKIN. IM A TARGET AS IS AND ILL BE DEAD AS IS IN A STRIPED FASHION.

in fear i have flushed 120 pills of haldol/xanax/& ambien acouple days ago down to toilet to give them a taste if my their own medicine that THRYVE GIVEN ME.