[KUREHA]

Should I try college again and driving lessons?

I know things are getting worse right now - but I want to impress my psychologist.

I'm just worried that if I take driving lessons they'll start following me around and I don't think I'll be able to concentrate with them around me.

College - should be ok-ish, it's close by at least and they have no metal dectectors or bag searches.

I don't want to start then quit again though.

[fishsandwich]

I think it's a good idea if you want to do it

Do you have to wait for September/October for college to start?

[KUREHA]

Yeah September.

I don't think I'm ready - but I think I'll try.

It's just I'll have no one to talk to when things get hard - got to do it alone this time, I'm going to be devasted next month.

It's like there is no point - may as well end it now.

[fishsandwich]

Are you sure you don't want to look for someone else to talk to?
And there's always us to have a chat with

[KUREHA]

Not sure I can talk about that stuff now

I'll never find anyone like her, no one can replace her, I just don't want to pay for someone that will suck. The CMHT is just to see a psychiatrist so I'm not going and my nurse is gone soon because time is already up, don't really talk to her anyway.

[KUREHA]

No one listens because they don't care. They'll just be against me. Most people are these days.

Next month is the last time I can talk about this stuff, just keep it to myself from then.

[Tamster]

Kureha, go back to college it's good for your brain and soul. I'm a big advocate of higher learning. I got my PhD when I was in a really bad place in my life, even though I'm not practicing my degree now I'm still glad I went and if I get strong enough I'm going back, it's great for your self esteem and a great place to meet people with like interests.

[fishsandwich]

Sorry hun. I try to listen; but for the past few days I've been in a really bad way myself and it's been tough.

[KUREHA]

I'm going to talk about it with my psychologist for the last time ever. I'm lucky I didn't get kicked out in Jan, but they decided just to leave

I just dont want to start and quit again, my psychologist said I was to ill last time, so it sucks things are worse.

People just ignore me in general. Don't worry about it I'm used to it, just the sleeper cells give me full attention.

[KUREHA]

God what am I saying, obviously my psychologist isn't against me, just want to talk to her. Wasted my appt with the nurse by telling her nothing, she doesn't want to hear it anyway

I really need to talk to her.

[Tamster]

Are you leaving the psychologist or are they leaving the practice? If you need a therapist maybe they could help you find a good fit for you. Something to consider. I'm leaving my therapist at my visit next Friday he doesnt know yet.

[KUREHA]

She is on leave for a year and I can't see her when she gets back

Ah right, why are you leaving yours?

Mine is awesome, I don't want to see anyone else though, it will all be wrong and I won't trust them
It's best to just be alone, but I really need to talk to her because I'm freaking out about something.

[Tamster]

Why can't you see her when she gets back? Maybe you could keep in touch by email if she knows how concerned you are.
I'm leaving my psychologist because he talks about himself too much and seems scared of what I need to talk about but I have a great psychiatrist who will help me find a new one. There is no great bond between me and T, but there is between me and my shrink, he never cringes but he winces now and then, it's harsh subject matter.

[KUREHA]

Ah right. - that's good then.

My nurse just said it was meant to be short term this time, I can email her once when she gets back just to let her know how things are.

When I don't have anyone to talk to though - I don't know if it's the right thing to do - it seems like great idea to me, but not to other people, but I won't have that now.
So I'll probably not bother with college actually.

[Tamster]

Why would you not bother with college. Remember it's a community of people with like interests that sometimes can understand you better than anyone else could. When I was in grad school I was having some really bad problems but when I was in class I could forget them and disappear into my studies it was like a comforting break from everything else.

[KUREHA]

Because I had to quit last time and this time I'll have zero support, I was thinking about it this morning, like it's over before I even start.

Going to have nothing to impress her with.

[KUREHA]

They all wanted to do nursing last time I was there, so no one was interested in my kind of thing - the teacher was impressed though

[Tamster]

I quit and went back 3x so I can relate to how you feel. You only need to impress yourself though sometimes our dedication to ourselves impresses others more than we know. I have 3 different degrees and was always surprised at how impressed others were at my accomplishments much more than I was myself. I saw it as just work but they saw it as a shining example of perseverance. I know it seems like I'm giving you a push in the education direction but I'm thinking of returning again myself and was thinking like you and realized how much I could help myself by giving it one more shot. I just need to pick a major first or at least a direction. What would you major in?

[fishsandwich]

I quit and went back to uni twice myself! The last two times when I succeeded, it was when I asked for help when I needed it. Sometimes, having a distraction like uni is the best "medicine" for emotional distress.

[Tamster]

Good point Fish! Definitely the best medicine. See Kureha others beside yourself have left and returned and succeeded, you can too. It feels great to succeed

[KUREHA]

Ok I'll try but it will probably be my 3rd time of failing. They'll make sure I do.

Got to get a higher maths qualification, I can do online courses, but going outside freaks me out. The other people do. The college isn't clean enough and they'll fly the drones in the class for sure.

I want to do Ethical Hacking at uni, computing is the only thing I can do.

[Tamster]

It's a start in the right direction you never know where your path will take you

[fishsandwich]

All of those courses sound really interesting! I bet there are lots of really good computing degrees offered online nowadays, too. Have you ever looked into the Open University?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Ok I'll try but it will probably be my 3rd time of failing. They'll make sure I do.

Got to get a higher maths qualification, I can do online courses, but going outside freaks me out. The other people do. The college isn't clean enough and they'll fly the drones in the class for sure.

I want to do Ethical Hacking at uni, computing is the only thing I can do.

whats ethical hacking?

[Tamster]

I had the same question is hacking ever ethical? Kureha educate us please