[xmoonbeamx8]

I can't figure it out. I am terrified at all times lately. I've stopped sleeping until I become completely exhausted and then I can sleep an entire lifetime away. When ever I am alone I feel constant fear. I don't know what is going to happen next, I just know that something is. I have such high anxiety about this that its just making it worse. How are all of these noises around me even possible? Why am I so afraid that someone is here? I need to get past this but I feel there is no where to even turn. Every bump makes me shake with fear and I feel completely isolated by my own thoughts. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

[costello]

Is there something new or different going on in your life recently? Especially something stressful - good or bad? Starting a new job or losing a job? Moving? Illness? Any other stresses?

[xmoonbeamx8]

Its the end of the semester. I suppose that could set me off more than usual. Just the intense fear is so strange. My body seems to literally be fighting off sleep, which the lack of sleep is just in turn making me more stressed.

[costello]

Originally Posted by xmoonbeamx8

Its the end of the semester. I suppose that could set me off more than usual. Just the intense fear is so strange. My body seems to literally be fighting off sleep, which the lack of sleep is just in turn making me more stressed.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I don't know what to do to make it go away, but I do think that shining the light on any potential triggers might help. I hope someone else here can give you suggestions on how to cope with the sensations of fear.

I'm probably stating the obvious, but trying to get some sleep is important. Lack of sleep always accompanies my son's psychosis. Always. Anything you can do to find a way to sleep would be helpful.

[Ash0198]

Do u have a pet? If u have one...especially a dog or cat...they can sense presences in the house. If u have the fear and feel as if something is with u then the dog r cat will sense it too and they'll have an instant reaction that u will be able to notice straight away.
When I get like this I put my dog straight into my room an if I feel like someone is here with me I look at my dog and notice his body language has not changed. Therefore there is nothing to be worried about .
Fingers crossed u have either a dog or cat haha

Hope all is well!!

[xmoonbeamx8]

Thank you both! I could use a pet somedays, but I also have a history of getting really tempermental cats that end up stressing me out more so than being a comfort. I am really picky when it comes to the personality of an animal. A dog would be nice, but being at school so much leaves long lonly days for a dog so I figured I'd hold out for a few years. I have medicine to help with sleep, but it makes me so sick, and I really dont trust what in medicine either especially when I get so ill from it. Every time it gets close to the time I want to lay down at night I just being to get so anxious, I am trying to be as medicine free as possible but I try to take an ativan to reduce my anxiety, but my dosage isnt high enough. I dont know why this is so hard to fight. I feel like the battle only ever begins when I feel too weak to fight back, and I really just need to stop rambling and sleep. sleep would be wonderful

[brackenbeard]

if you're having a hard time... do something pleasurable. find that place again where you feel ok. it's tough when you're rattled, and fearful to do anything. but you need to continue to do the things that make you feel good. you've got to continue doing things despite your fearful state. all bad things pass. all bad things pass. this is not the end, this a blip. you will get through this.

[costello]

Originally Posted by xmoonbeamx8

I also have a history of getting really tempermental cats that end up stressing me out more so than being a comfort.

lol... Sorry about that. Our local shelter has volunteers who come in and socialize the animals. They take the cats out of their cages and groom and pet them. They take the dogs out for walks and play with them. It's purely a come-when-you-can type of thing. You're not obligated to any schedule. Would something like that be possible?

sleep would be wonderful

Yeah. The sleep thing. I had mild insomnia most of my life, so I know how unhelpful it is to have someone say, "You need sleep." And now my son! His insomnia can be massive. He can go for days at a time without sleeping. He's taking a small dose of Zyprexa now, so he does sleep more or less normal hours now.

I'm guessing you've heard all the normal suggestions for getting to sleep. Have you tried that Sleepytime tea, the extra strong one with valerian. It doesn't make either my son or me fall asleep, but several of my coworkers claim they wouldn't be able to drink it at work, because it makes them zonk out.

I've playing with aromatherapy recently. I used lavendar and orange last night. It's supposed to be calming. And the lavendar is supposed to help with insomnia. I was heating the oils in the living room - where both my son and I were. Don't know if it works. I was pretty relaxed, but I think I would have been anyway. My son seemed a bit tense because he's starting his second week of work this morning. Come to think of it, he was less tense than he might have been otherwise. So maybe it did work.

Do you get enough exercise and sunlight? Especially early in the day. My son's pdoc wants him to get sunlight in the morning, exercise vigorously for 30 minutes a day, and take fish oil. (He doesn't keep up with it, but that's what the pdoc wants.)

[xmoonbeamx8]

Thanks those are all really good ideas.
I try to get exercise,,, but with the last week of classes happening, and finals next week I spend so much time in the library i dont get as much as i know i need. As for sunlight, I wish I saw the sun more often. I need one of those happy lamps that is like your in the real sun

[costello]

Originally Posted by xmoonbeamx8

I need one of those happy lamps that is like your in the real sun

Yeah, I want one of those lights too. They say you can just get the bulbs, and it's cheaper.

Btw, I've been burning lavendar essential oils every night recently. It's helping me sleep, I think. But my son has actually been sleeping worse. A coincidence maybe? I figure at the very least the house will smell nicer. It smells like herbal tea to me.

[Gr3tta]

i'm sorry you're feeling so fearful. that's just an awful feeling. i want to make suggestions, but they may or may not work for you. maybe just try some if all else fails, okay?
1. whatever might be there that you fear, address it. talk to it. tell it, "please leave me alone. i need to rest now. if you want to communicate clearly with me, please make an appointment. i have availability on ____________ at _________ time.
2. if you're getting sleep deprived, give yourself permission, and make it possible, to sleep at any possible time. got a spare hour, and feeling sleepy? set an alarm quickly by having one available in every room. keep spare alarm clocks, or carry your phone with you that you can easily set an alarm for, in every room. keep a set of clean work and/or school clothes on hand, so you can quickly get changed. set the alarm for only ten minutes before you have to leave. maximize your sleep and get a full 50 minutes, pull on clean clothes, and out the door. consistently, 50 minutes here and there can make a big difference!
i've never had a useful sleep med, so i work hard to maximize all the sleep i do get. it helps me have the strength to stand up to all the stressors - the ones others create, and the ones i create myself.
i hope you will feel much much better very very soon.

[Ash0198]

There is a natural pill- melatatonin and its the concentrated stuff. This is produced naturally in our bodies for sleep but you'll need a prescription for the concentrated pills. It's helped me wonderfully and it doesn't matter how much u take! Just how much suits u. The only side effect I got was very very vivid dreams!! But my dreams are crazy vivid even when I'm not taking it!! How have things been so far??

[costello]

Originally Posted by Ash0198

There is a natural pill- melatatonin and its the concentrated stuff.

I'm big on melatonin - the natural kind that we produce in our brains at night. Apparently production is suppressed if you're exposed to blue light at night. So I insist that all the lights be off at night.

I've heard melatonin supplements should be taken with care. If you take them at the wrong time they can screw up your circadian rhythms or something. I suppose that's less of an issue if you have the kind of extreme insomnia my son has.

Maybe he should try melatonin if he gets into a bad insomnia period again.

[Ash0198]

Yes he should definitely!! It worked quite well for me...u guess just make sure he takes before he gets into bed. Of even an hour before he hits the hay depending on how long it takes to kick in I suppose

[costello]

Originally Posted by Ash0198

Yes he should definitely!! It worked quite well for me...u guess just make sure he takes before he gets into bed. Of even an hour before he hits the hay depending on how long it takes to kick in I suppose

Thanks, Ash. Right now he's taking an AP which is allowing him to sleep. But it's good to have a back up plan for if and when we lower the dose to the point that he can't sleep.