[claire717]

Hello.
I have a few questions in regards to a close friend of mine who has schizophrenia.
He is male, I'm female & we have gotten close over the last year. We have a lot in common & have enjoyed each other's company.
What I am struggling with is this. He got off his meds about 4 months ago & has bipolar & schizophrenia. Actually he was Much calmer off of the medication & functioning overall at a higher level than on them. They do Not have him medicated properly.
The time he was off he has had multiple meltdowns, run in's with the police, and has now moved a few times. He is homeless but in a shelter he can stay till he finds a home (it's part of the mental health system shelter).
I am beside myself as to how to move forward with our friendship. He is on only 2 medications & they make him very manic & he is delusional. He seems to think he can function in a regular apartment at this point & I would say, "kudos," & WONDERFUL but he doesn't seem to be doing well at all. I think he needs to be in a group home setting where he has support.
It's not so much that as I typically try to be supportive & on occassion with voice my rathers..
He is high functioning as to exercise, eating healthy. He doesn't isolate.
BUT I feel that in ways I am, in the way, anymore..
It has taken a toll on me as I have had to go through these losses by being his friend, it has upset my own stability, getting used to seeing him here, then there or that he will cut me off for days, weeks at times.
The last 3 or 4 weeks I haven't been able to sleep. I feel it has sent me into a depression.
I Really care for him.. but I also feel I am needing to take care of myself as well & it's getting more difficult..
He seems to have mania on the meds, this is how he reacts to the medications he takes.
No matter what they won't work with him to fix this problem.
I guess my question is this:
As much as I care about him & enjoy being a close friend; I'm beginning to think that what he is needing more than myself there (often) is the people he is around, where he is living, the groups he attends at mental health center, etc. I feel in a way I am becoming overly needy by my own struggles & in all of these changes of which have taken a huge toll on my own psyche. It has affected me/ everytime he cuts me off, moves, checks into hospital, on & on.
He is not stabilized in his environment.. I'm lossing ground.
HOW do I be his friend?
Can anyone give me ideas on how to deal with this? I want him to know how much I care about him.. I DO CARE DEEPLY for & about him. But too I am struggling right now, falling into a depression due to my lack of supports in this & my own cross I bare..
Any ideas would be appreciated. Thank you so much!
Claire

[RunningEagleRuns]

Well has he seen a psychiatrist? They could help. The right meds will do miracles. Good luck. You are a good friend.

[claire717]

Originally Posted by RunningEagleRuns

Well has he seen a psychiatrist? They could help. The right meds will do miracles. Good luck. You are a good friend.

He's not on the right meds. He actually was doing better off of his medications than what they have him on now. He was merely disorganized (highly) but now he is more delusional. No doubt he is schizophrenic & he has been in the system many years.. He has had a major set back though the last # of months after doing better ...

I wonder if you all could tell me too.. I really do care for him, I see him, not the mental illness, though the two are not separate... but lately I have more people telling me I need to cut him off. I think it is odd frankly as we generally meet in public so no one is around him.. & I don't talk about him much (on purpose for the reason I am saying)...
We lived in same apts., the don't want him back here..
It is bothering me in the fact that I see him.. & others are seeing the disability. There are those that like him.. it just seems insane to me how shallow people can be.

Needing to vent right now. I had a gal tell me to my face 20 min ago to Never talk with him again.. because he did come around this place again..
I think he needs guidance, structure, supervision too at times .. but I like the guy. Is it stupid of me to want to be his friend?????????? what is it with people? We have a lot in common, our faith, many spiritual beliefs, we are health conscious.. it is apart from the mental illness & it's like people want to box him into a category & me too when I hang with him.
It's like you're OK if you cut him off, if not then you are crazy.. wtf?
sorry.. I'm just upset & confused at WHY people want me to cut him out of my life. People with schizophrenia are capable of close friendships are they not? (i know the answer by the way.. )...
thanks for letting me vent!
(I do not have schizophrenia.. i am disabled physically & also I notice how people at times in my life want to shun me.. people are very odd at times).

[ickydog2006]

I think if it is having a real/intense negative effect on your mental health or if you feel you are in danger, than you should let him go. Other than that I think friendship is really important and that you should continue to standup for him, that he is a person too.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Id stay his friend. He probably needs help.

[faerie_moon_x]

One of the symptoms of schizophrenia is to isolate. So he probably throws off that whole feeling like he wants you to go away. But, I say that you stay friends with him. Just study up on schizophrenia and remember that you can't fix him or argue him out of his delusions (if he has them,) but to just be his friend and listen, (but don't play along with his delusions, either.) And when he needs it to give him space. In the long run he'll be better off having a friend around and so will you.