why i dont like reading other schiz personal stories

the title is so long

some people offer me to read or listen to their story.
or i come across some online. i used to read them a lot or seek out to read them to understand myself more. its been a long time now.

i dont read them anymore and i dont want to.
i have found them to make me extremely depressed.
especially the parts where the parents call in on them or the police or something gets involved and they get taken to the hospital. stuff like that.

it makes me very depressed because it reminds me of when i was either kicking or screaming or confused at the hospital.
and because i dont see my life going anywhere but more hospitals some day.
thats all my life is. but thats all it will be. too.

others posts on their stories are irrelevant, cause each one has different manifestations. got to sleep. wish to know what works best for mood cause zyprexa is not enough, apparently. mood enhancers. already on escitalopram. some help?

I know how you feel. Sometimes I get teared up when it comes to stories.
It all comes to memories that trigger emotions.

I'm always remembering whenever I hear a SZ story of how ****ed up life is for everyone and how we're all treated. It's just not right.

Then it gives you a reason not to trust therapists, doctors, and psychiatry itself. It makes you want to quit it all.

SZ eats you inside out, and it feels that there's no hope. All that matters is that we get through life with it until it is time for God to take us with him.

Best to avoid triggers, really. That's one thing I've been learning and it's not always easy.

I just ignore it all, my voice has been pissed the last week or two as I don't even think I've heard much more then a couple words it's said. If I do, I'll just think, "that's stupid" and the rest of my mind often agrees so it's easier to ignore. That and a lot of conscious mental training. I notice I slip back from time to time into a semi-subconscious day dreaming state where the voice have a lot more influence, but I just focus and pull myself back into consciousness, it takes some effort at times. There are several layers of consciousness, I'm still trying to achieve a higher state, as there is more to go. It's been a little over two months of training now, but so worth it, I've really just started noticing the effects lately of my hard work, it was like a switch going off. And I can feel it when I start slipping back, a nasty feeling, which keeps me training and fighting for the conscious feeling where the voice can easily be ignored.
My friggin auto-immune/chronic fatigue can make it ruff at times, but I'm winning that bastard as well, slowly but steadily.