[Rainbow_fishB]

one of my voices. every so often i think about suicide, then he drags it out for months. Even if i'm not suicidal, he persuades me to overdose, or cut my wrists, or jump. This is happening now. I dont wan tto die. But if i slip up with my thoughts and say i will, even half heartedly, then he will keep me to my word. I will have to. And i'm feeling so low right now that its so hard to keep myself from agreeing with him. I'm scared so scared and theres no-one i can talk to. No-one will understand. they will underreact, brush me off their shoulders. Thats what my parents do because they're scared to admit that i'm ill. one time when i should have gone to Er for self harm, they wouldnt let me coz they didnt want to hear the truth. And though its been going on for so long i know its sz, they wont let me even say that word. they want it to be just psychosis. because thats more short term. So they wont believe me, but i need them to, because i dont want to die.

[lynn P.]

(((Rainbow fishB)) - I'm sorry you feel invalidated by your family and feel scared ATM. Are you taking medication and can you share this with your doctor - make it clear you want to live but have these unwanted voices. Make an appointment and be completely honest with your doctor.

For now this idea or comparison might help - if this voice said "go eat horrible smelling garbage"...would you think its possible to obey this? These thoughts remain strong because it strikes fear in you. You may need some medication to offset these voices and thoughts. I hope you get some help soon.

[pachyderm]

Tell him to go kill himself, if he thinks it is such a good idea.

I told Him to go kill himself and He said He is invincible and not able to die and if I do what He says, I will be like Him one day too. Cant win.

[pachyderm]

He said he is invincible, but is it true? He seems to want a lot from you, which makes me think he does not see himself as so powerful as he wants you to believe.

well how would i ever know. i take His word because He knows a lot, lots of stuff He said came true. Why would He lie about it, doesnt make sense. I tried hitting Him, pushing Him off buildings even into traffic. He comes back. I cant write too much, if my mum or firend read this, they kick off at me.

[pachyderm]

I think anyone who tells you things that you say he has said is not your friend, and is not someone whose word you should take. People who feel powerful in themselves, secure, do not say that kind of thing.

Originally Posted by HavingABadDay

well how would i ever know. i take His word because He knows a lot, lots of stuff He said came true. Why would He lie about it, doesnt make sense. I tried hitting Him, pushing Him off buildings even into traffic. He comes back. I cant write too much, if my mum or firend read this, they kick off at me.

It is positive that you are posting. writing about what's going on with your emotion's and feeling is powerful within itself. This gives perspective, I think.
I'm fairly new to Psch Central and I am encouraged by the wonderful insight that so many have from their experiances,
and share them. I look forward to joining in on the conversation, for the first time in years with those that have similar stories to tell.
warm thoughts.

[Rainbow_fishB]

Lynn- i'm going to see my doctor tomorrow. I dont take meds right now, but i've recently been thinking about it and thats what i really want to talk about tomorrow. i will my tell my doctor what he is saying, and hopefully start taking medication soon. Thanks for your help,
Rainbow x

Wishing you the best of luck

*Willow*

[faerie_moon_x]

Are you feeling any better, Rainbow? I hope so.