sorry for freakout

just want to say sorry for my freakout. its on roll call. i was gone for a few days.

idk why i do the things i do like i did past few days.

all i can say right now is im very lonely
and trying hard to not even drink alcohol right now.
trying. cause i really want some to forget about all of this.

i hope i do not fail tonight and drink.

anyway.
i think maybe i drink and smoke pot to forget about the situtation im in.

the fact is is that ive sent letters to news channels and conspiracy theorists and people all over the nation and world to help me figure out who wants to hurt and a little bit of why. i mean its not a joke. its not funny. ive gotten myself on tv. ive contact 3 different p0lice departments and other people who have all put me in the hospital. ive done tons of stuff. im scared for my life and no one is helping me and ....i just...idk what other lenghts im supposed to goto to get people to see or understand that this isnt a joke.

but all people think im delusional. but this isnt a joke.

and im just scared to death and exhausted mentally and physically because of the situation - so i drink and stuff.

i cant sleep or eat.
in fact im so scared and exhausted that im nauseated. food makes me gag. so does any kind of drink.

im supposed to believe these damn voices and seeing these spirits are hallucinations.

but i just cant.

i really dont know how to put into words how ridiculous it is about why im being taught this stuff is fake.

I know it's not a joke, Newtus. And I don't think you're a joke, either.

I understand being scared for your life and no one around you helping. That's one thing I really understand a great deal. I just don't know the answer for you.

i dont think anyone knows the answer for me anymore.

i went through 20 newspapers last night looking for answwers. i found really nothing.

i feel like its all being hid from me.'

like they KNOW im here so wtf are they doing???

The way they like to play it - sometimes they give you little hints - but never enough.

exactly.

there was a point a month or two ago that i was finding something in every single issue of newspaper. NOW? now they are withdrawing the information as if it was never there.

they are so full of it.

im about to look in this morning paper.

Its' nto you guys.

people don't want to believe bad things.

I say I had to take a congintive function test. A real one. Not a fake one.

I got bad result. I say "I got bad result, I'm scared," and people blow it off. "You're worried of nothing."

I say "good morning" when it's afternoon and "good afternoon" when it's morning. people make fun of me for this. I cry because I am scared. Why do I do this? I can't stop. It gets worse. I can't remember wher I put my keys, my purse, my phone. I can't remember tasks to be done. I can't remember where things go or get things cleaned up. People say, "oh it's nothing."

I feel totally alone in this. I feel like I am losing my mind. I am watching myself slip away more and more. I am scared.

And no one believes.

So, both you Newtus and Kurhea, it's nto you. People just don't watn to believe in bad things.

Alone we go into this black hole.

did u read my roll call post about you DHeart?

Is it about the one with the film making? I usually don't read the roll call because it's such a long thing I get lost easily. I read taht tho just now.

ps I am not going to edit my posts for errors any more so people can see what is really like for me and see how much work I put into posts.

yea it is

i think when we edit ourselves we are putting on a front. just like when we fix that stray hair in the mirror every hour.

no fronts here.
this is more like...a nudist camp.

...mentally ill nudist camp...

This cheered me up so much!

It has been a long time since I did a comic. Today I am inspired by Newtus. I just put a new comic on my album page.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/album...ictureid=34407

is that me??? on the right.....

Yeah. I didn't know what your hair was like so I just made short hair. Or tried to.

lol how did you know that im half black

btw half. make my skin lighter. lol
my skin is a bit more olive cause im half mexican too.

sorry i got a bit of a race complex....

nm my issues
thats a great comix.

have you decided to post them on comix sites?

Oh, I know because you mentioned it before that you're half black half Mexican, that's how I knew.

i frgt what i say on here i think. lol its cool

That's okay. I forget lots of things.