How do I tell my parents?

LL23TY · Apr 15, 2013, 10:57 PM

Ever since I was younger I've always known there was something off about me and now that I'm 17 I've been experiencing signs of Schizophrenia and they are getting worse. The voice inside my head, hearing stuff that no one else hears. I've been oversleeping and people have told me that I tend to get this blank look on my face and that's how I feel. Blank. I also suffer from Self-Esteem issues, if I can make it through a day without telling myself that I'm stupid or ugly then its a good day.

Anyway, I know there is something wrong with me and that I need to get help, but I don't know how to tell my parents. How am I supposed to tell them? I've left hints that I've been hearing stuff and so on, but they haven't picked up on it.

Basically what I'm asking is. How did you tell your parents that there is something wrong with you?

Switch · Apr 16, 2013, 02:35 AM

Hi, LL23TY. Welcome to PC.

So, I saw this when I was actually looking for something else, but I felt compelled to reply. I don't have Schizophrenia, but I think the answer to your question is similar to many different mental illnesses. I'm going to assume that you're parents are pretty average, treat you decently, and try and look out for you. If I'm wrong, tell me, because the type of parents you have can change the best way to seek help.

First, I would not just tell your parents, but I would also ask a teacher that you are comfortable with, or the guidance concealer or nurse at your school. They are trained to help with situations like this, and they should take your concerns seriously. They might be your best resource at first to getting practical help.

Second, for me it was a joint effort between me and my sister to let my parents know. For me it was bipolar disorder, and later DD:NOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified) similar to DID (dissociative identity disorder, previously multiple personality disorder) that I had to "come out" to my parents with. Both times they didn't believe me when I told them my susspissions, but they did support me in getting help. For me, when I told them, they agreed that I needed to get help and some answers, but they were adamant about not labeling it as anything until we had consulted a specialist. At the time I felt betrayed, and thought they didn't believe me. Now I realize that they just didn't want me to get fixated on one disorder, and color my behaviors accordingly.

Okay, so I said my sister helped right? She actually kicked off the conversations for getting me help with Bipolar Disorder. She told my mom that I had been having very bad mood swings and was skipping class all the time and crying a lot. Taddle tail, I know.

But this prompted my mom to ask me about it, and when I was confronted about it I felt I had no choice but to admit that I had been struggling.

With the DDNOS, my mom had already known I had mental health issues, so when my safety was called into question my friends were the ones to back me up when my mom doubted me. Actually with that one I just walked right into the emergency room, got taken in for an assessment, and got them to call my mom and tell her where I was. She freaked, needless to say, but it got my opening point across...

Now she's my biggest advocate.

In your situation I think the best way to do it, and simplest, is to just tell them. Sit them down and say that you're worried about yourself and you would like their support in talking to a doctor. If you're really worried about it, you don't even have to tell them that you think it's Schizophrenia, just be very clear that you're scared about something, and you want their help to talk to a doctor. Parents generally worry about their kids, and if they see how scared you are they will understand that you need help, regardless of why. Make sure when you have this conversation they know it is something serious you want to tell them. It will be awkward at first, but if you can muscle through the awkwardness it can be very beneficial and rewarding.

A more casual way of telling them is through a friend. Tell them something like "So-and-so brought up that I space out a lot, and that I get a blank look on my face. It made me think, and now I'm really worried because I realized I've been hearing voices and other stuff, and I've been really struggling with feeling good about myself, and feeling happy. I'm worried there's something really wrong, and I want to get help because I'm getting scared for myself." Be really calm, and try and let them draw their own conclusions about what it is instead of just saying "I think I have Schizophrenia" This could scare them and make them think that you're just looking for attention (though that's the extreme side, it will still not get the result you're looking for)

An alternate of "going through a friend" is telling one of your close friends you trust first, and recruiting their help to be your "tattle tail". Have them approach your parents privately (say, one day they're over at your house, have them take one of your parents aside) and have them express their concerns about you. Have them frame it in a way that seems like it was their idea to tell, and that they are coming to these conclusions from watching your behavior. Your parents will likely approve you later that day or week in private and you have to be honest with them about what you have been going through (although you don't have to tell them it was a set up

) This friend, as mentioned above, could also be a teacher or your guidance councilor Ask them to talk to your parents, and say that they are expressing concerns that you've brought to them, and ask them to leave out the fact you asked them to tell.

You're parents are going to be scared, not just for you but with you. They're child is hurting, and going through things that they can't even begin to understand. Their fear might color how they react, so please keep that in mind. If you don't get the reaction you were looking for, try and look at it as if you're friend just told you that something terrible happened. They might get angry or not believe you, but this is NOT because they don't love you, simply because they are confused and scared and don't want to admit that they're child is hurting in ways they can't fix or even understand. This will be new to them, and they might be taken off guard. Likely they will be very worried and want to help right away. They might blame themselves, or think that they've done something to make this happen to you by accident. They could be asking themselves how the hell they missed you struggling so much, and feel like they've failed you. They might panic. Everyone will respond a different way. (example, my mom panicked and got over protective, and my dad was very rational and calm and supported me in getting help any way he could. I found out later that he was actually sick with worry about me. Even this year he was very stressed out and started struggling at work because he was so worried when I was in hospital!)
Just remember that they love you very much, and will want to protect you. Hell, they might surprise you and say they've been worried about you and were scared about approaching you about it!

It might be uncomfortable, but telling them is the best thing you could do. It was for me. If you're scared about doing this, try to constantly reassure yourself that you're parents love you and want the best for you. If at first you're plea for help doesn't get through, bring it up, over and over and over and over again. Keep it clear. Tell them you would like their support, that you think you should see a doctor (even just to be sure), and that you are looking to them for guidance. If you need some motivation, read some positive coming out stories. I know it's not the same thing as telling your parents you're gay or something, but it is the same type of scary and it will give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside that can give your hope. Reassure yourself that they are not going to reject you because of what you're going through, because trust me they won't.

Sorry that was SUUUUPER long... it's just this kinda hits home.

best of luck, stay safe, and tell us how it goes.

PC is here to support you. >>>>> Positive energy to LL23TY >>>>>>

faerie_moon_x · Apr 16, 2013, 04:17 PM

If you are uncomfortable telling your parents and you live in the US, by law you can go to see your primary car doctor and tell them your concerns. You don't need your parents permission to do this and you can ask that they not share anything with your parents if you don't feel comfortable with it.

Your doctor can do two things. First, they can act as someone who can talk to your parents with you there, so that you have support of an authority figure if you feel that is helpful. Secondly, your doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist so that you can find out what's really going on.

kaliope · Apr 16, 2013, 04:47 PM

I never told my parents. I scheduled an appt when i was 18 and they found out about it and didnt respond very well. It would have been nice to have support. The last two posters have good ideas. Talking to a counselor or dr to gain support in telling your parents is a good way to go. Or you could simply ask your parents to schedule you a counseling appt. tell them you have a lot of stuff going on in your head that needs sorting out and then let the therapist decide if it is schizophrenia before revealing that worry to your parents. good luck to you

Apr 21, 2013, 11:24 AM

It was very hard for me to open up to my parents about anything relating to mental health because I didn't want to upset them with the crazy thoughts going on in my head. I was convinced it would hurt them. The first time I ever told them about the voices I hear was when I was 19. I was scared to death and was currently going to the doctor for what I thought was depression. I went in one day and told him that my voices had told me to kill myself. He told me that was a symptom of schizophrenia and that he could no longer handle my mental health and that I had to go see a psychiatrist. I called my dad crying, terrified for the fact that he said my symptoms where in line with schizophrenia. I just cried and cried, telling my dad I didn't want to be labeled a freak. I was scared and was scared to tell me parents everything I was experiencing. Though when I told them about my voices, they immediately showed support that I couldn't even fathom was possible. I have learned through this long journey that communication with my parents is key and that they only want to help me and see me succeed in life. I was nervous to be labeled a freak by even my parents. Turns out that opening up about what was happening in my life was the best thing I could have ever done.

Perna · Apr 21, 2013, 11:36 AM

I would straight out ask to go see your doctor for an appointment about some concerns about yourself you have. Then, I'd tell the doctor and leave it to him/her to sort out how you might get help and what to tell your parents, etc.