Things in common in psychosis

Been in the middle of severe psychosis for almost two weeks. Been a downturn in my disease and has been the worst symptoms I have ever had. Getting the hang of it but looking for some support or finding similarities in things other people have had to deal with. Don’t have a support network here, all we have at my medical office is a bipolar group, which is why I turned to this site.
My hallucinations have become ten times more vivid so I can’t tell them apart from reality. Voices now external as if somebody really is standing right next to me yelling or talking. Paranoid delusions involving other people which I am acting on which is rare. TV talking to me, tons of figures waiting for my outside my house etc. Tried to venture out by myself for the first time yesterday and barely made it because picking up my meds at the pharmacy I suddenly thought I was back in the ward and everybody around me were either patients or staff, took a while to settle down. Been having really bad sudden episodes that are completely real to me such as everybody melting or looking and sounding evil until I am in total shock and panic. Major depression to just want it to stop. Cried myself to sleep last night just exhausted.
They have adjusted my meds which to it has been like a fly against a fly swatter. So they are increasing them again. I go back to work Thursday which I have no idea how to handle. I am considered high functioning so I work etc. But this is the lowest I have ever functioned before. I even wrote a paranoid and delusional email to my bosses and the head of my company which did not end well.
Has anybody else gotten this down? I am not looking for one line cyber hugs or random words of advice such as breath in squares. I just need to know there are other people out there who go through this and what it is like for them.

i have gotten that low many times.

most of my days in my life are similar to that.
i try to reason with people because i feel very justfied in believing what others tell me is paranoia.

but what you said that you thought you were back in the ward again. i get that a lot DAILY. i havent heard someone else say that here. thought i was alone in that. multiple times a day i feel i am somehwere i realize im not there but during that time i really think im there. often i feel the presence of the hospital staff watching me in the bathroom and seem them watching me as i feel like i am actually there in the moment.

my really bad down moments involved police and involuntary hospitalizations many times.

Just wondering about work...do you have short term disability insurance where you work....it will let you take a little bit longer off. On the plus side your text here is totally competent so you must be high functioning as you say.

I had a couple of visual hallucinations that were pretty real when I was driving. The road center line was a total zigzag much like a British crosswalk. I saw this guy as a driver that actually lived in another state. If they weren't impossible I wouldnt recognize them as hallucinations today. I also had three girls in the psych ward wearing metallic kimonos but I got distracted by the tv and they were wearing jeans and t shirts when I turned around.

I'm also high functioning and now I'm actually considered recovered for the most part but those visual hallucinations are so real as to be dangerous. Be careful if you have to drive at all.

As far as auditory...the first one I could hear outside was my sister saying they're making her hear voices....most of the other ones were shorter....the majority of my voices were inside my head but they were really well developed into distinct personalities. So a little bit different than yours.

I'm glad they're working on your meds. I only took off about two weeks for my psychotic break that lasted about a month and a half but that was due to poor insight I really didn't know how sick I was...I had no idea I actually thought I was psychic and getting ideas for work through the voices...anyway see if your work has short term disability insurance because this qualifies.

Yeah I get fears of being in the hospital or fears people will notice I am sick again and take me back. I get paranoid sometimes people will come get me and drag me back to the ward. I have an overwhelming fear that something will show in my behavior by accident at work and they will make me go to the ER (I work at a hospital) and then I will be taken away. I have been getting more and more anxiety the closer it gets to my return date.

I do not have disability through my company I am a part time worker. I can be written off for more days via FMLA but it would mean I don't get paid. I have to make my bills.

I just feel so lost right now. Got really angry and suicidal again today but calmed myself down. Just want this to stop. Wish I had people in my daily life to go through it with but I don't. Just hate the isolation.

Do they have a psychiatrist on call where you work? The first hospital I went to could do nothing for me except a drug screen and a brain scan so they might not be able take you away. They seriously just sent me home with a referral to a psychiatrist. I work at a hospital too albeit in an affiliated science lab.

Did you read my post on blocking hallucinations I find that music really helped me but only if I was singing along with it in my head. It let me do physical tasks even at my sickest. There is also another broader link within the link.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/schiz...cinations.html

As far as being alone...I have spent the last two years reading every book and story I could get my hands on but I still feel alone. Elyn sacks book is great for High functioning individuals but she tended to have a more disorganized type of schizophrenia instead of something heavy on the hallucinations. Everybody seems to get sick in their own way...it is the most unique thing I've heard of. I'm always a little jealous of things like bipolar because it seems like there is a unity amongst people who are sick. Mania is mania and depression is depression...but psychosis is just all over the map and you never know when it will happen. I'm in remission now but will it last or will they be dragging me back to the ward in a year or two?

Wish you luck at work!

I have a medical team and a crisis line if I can't reach them. Anyone I would see at the hospital say in an emergency would bill me and my insurance doesn't cover that hospital.

Yeah I use a headphone at work to listen to music in one year. Works well for the most part but right now I dunno how well. Will see when I get back. Yeah I am reading The Center Cannot Hold. About halfway through. Reading her experience of becoming obsessed so to speak to her doctors or therapists was interesting as I have run into not obsession but a irrational connection to some in the past. Never knew that was a common experience. Learning a lot from the book and feeling good about the idea somebody could function so low and succeed so well. I want that for my life but I have few around me at work who see me as worth it.

In one ear - typo, gotta love smart phones.