idk anymore.

nos so sure anymore how much this is all illness.

i had a vision last night of death.

i saw swimmers leaving shore and there as no land on the other side. then they got out in the middle and started drowning. i wrote this down:
"and what if people dying are just swimmers unable to hold their breath anymore. and fish are in heaven. and the depths of the ocean are the dark depths of hell"

i woke up this past easter and there was no bad wather expected. i felt a horrible presence demonic figure around me. i prayed on my flooor for hours straight 5am to 6pm. it started raining out of blue unexpected right after i started praying and stopped minutes after i stopped.

the voices are real people.

i already told my story of gangstalking to random people in letter around the world.

why am i here.

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this, illness or not it sounds overwhelming.

I'm with you 100%

im constantly told none of this is real and im expected to buy.

someone constantly tells me this deep dark color is red...or blue....or purple....i should believe it right cause everyone says thats what it is..........
.......i see black.....no one else sees black...im said to be wrong......

.....a tree falls in the forest and i heard it....no one else did....it made no sound?....NO.

I think what our reality is what is true... and no one can change my mind of that.

i believe my reality over the illness.
way more so.

in fact i would not come here anymore ....but i have made some friensd here.
i left everywhere else online slowly...regarding mental health forums. but i finally have. this past few weeks.

I'm glad you are still here
It is nice to see a familiar when I come here

WOW
that means a lot to me...

This is a very vivid image for me.

Sometimes when I'm not well and I'm trying to sleep, I imagine myself floating on a wooden raft in the middle of a fog. I can't see the shore in any direction. I'm just sitting alone on the raft in the silent fog, and in the water below me are the things I struggle with.

I don't think it matters if you describe what you experience as illness or not. I think the only thing is that you should strive to be at peace within yourself. I don't think that means fitting into the box of society. It is a very personal thing and different for all of us. Whatever gives you peace in your mind and heart is all that matters. Acheiving that is the goal, not some vague, unreal idea of "normal," because there is no normal. Normal is a label society gives a box very few people actually fit into....



I'm also glad you're still here. I was worried about you when you were gone before.

For what it's worth, I missed you when you were gone a bit ago. You matter to me.

i think why i come why here besides liking some people is
that i still need answers to what scares me in this stuff.

ive been listening to these voices and interacting with these what i believe to be demons and evil and also god and visual prophecies. idk what they mean. i desperately want to know the whole thing but i only know parts.

not to mention my being gangstalked/followed/potentionally i may be murdered/etc. thats half the battle of living. i dont talk about that much here as i do other stuff because its more concrete and i know the whole story pretty much. i just dont know WHY totally im being followed. i see people following me and talking and writing about me. i see all that. its real. but i just idk why. i truly dont know ALL of why but i have speculative theories.

Well, I know I don't have any answers but I'm happy to listen and speculate with you. Speculating is one of my favorite passstimes, what with my racing thoughts and all... I'd probably win gold medal if it was a sport.

scary update:

the most recent gangstalking incident that happened to me was i saw doctors and mental hospital staff following me. in target and the mall and i think 1 other place. not even joking. i saw their badges. they worked at the mental hospital a few miles down.