[Sometimes psychotic]

"We currently have different legislation for those with mental health problems. It is hard to imagine any other group of people being subject to different laws based on a higher statistical rate of violence. Men are more likely to be violent than women but aren’t subject to legislation that allows us to more easily detain them against their will."

From the following...

Are you really at risk of attack by someone with schizophrenia?

I never really though of it that way, can you imagine if we suggested detaining a particular race because they were likely to be violent....I guess we have in the past with the Japanese in wwII and perhaps others...

I remember when I was in the hospital they would not let us check out on the weekend even if voluntary, when I found out I started getting upset and the nurse hit the panic button, luckily the four nurses that showed up were just concerned that I was too close to the door and let me go when I backed away...but before I did I asked them what they would do if I didn't and they just smiled. It seems stupid now but I had no idea that it would be a locked ward when I signed that form I just thought I was going to the normal hospital to get my medications stabilized. Never have I signed a form to take away my rights before. Never again.

But back to my original comment....as much as I trust my pdoc, I feel trapped by his power....really he could say anything and who would believe me. As cordial as it seems every time I see him it's a risk, luckily I'm down to every three months. Why do we give single individuals the power to detain others when the well are ensured a trial by jury. It's supposedly to help us but I know I wasn't helped by the hospital...it's a very stressful environment for a stress triggered condition. If its not helping us then it's no better than a prison.

Opinions?

[mimi2112]

I had to take time to digest this before responding. I also wanted to see how others here responded. I guess I'm going first.
I don't know where to start. Some of this is bringing up issues I have with government and society.

I hear what you say SP, about being voluntary in hospital, but not really when you wanted to leave. Somewhere else you noticed the Dr's PRN for Ativan in your chart. This brings up the whole civil rights issue for me. You clearly were no threat, whatsoever. You had been voluntary until the moment they locked the door behind you.

The government's wanting to do more for mental health is a great thing, however why is this because of violence? Most of us are not a threat to society. We are not criminals, yet we are criminalized. So now are we to expect even more stigma when we do seek out services, especially social services regarding mental health? That has been the case for me. I am looked at like I have two heads a lot of the time. Because of my label, there seems to be even more fear in the public about violence and the mentally ill.
I wrote elsewhere about the treatment I got from the interviewer at Vocational Rehabilitation, which is a government entity. One of her questions that was very off-putting for me was how my Dx symptoms affected my getting along with coworkers. The way she worded it I felt she inferred that I may have a propensity towards aggression and hostility, (because of what she read in some government pamphlet about mental illness I suppose).
What this has done for me is make me want to retreat and not apply myself in using Voc. Rehab., or other social services like the community health center. It's given me even more paranoia about being monitored. It's made me feel very insecure, really about a lot of things.

I feel I am rambling here, I am not sure. I hope you all get the gist of what I am trying to convey.

[mimi2112]

Oh and about the pdoc. Trust is number one in establishing a relationship with the psychiatrist. How can we trust someone who really does have power to lock us up? Believe me, at one point the pnurse was really trying to get me to go into a hospital setting. I am so glad I did not go. Now when I see her I keep a lot to myself. I just feel I have to in order to feel safe.

[Sometimes psychotic]

I think I was rambling too....somehow I thought I deserved the treatment I got because I was voluntary but it was never explained to me. The not getting out on weekends was on the form I signed but I really couldn't read and comprehend at that point. I trusted pdoc....of course at that point I had somehow decided that he was my uncle and he was going to help me pass a psych evaluation. Anyway I trusted him and I'm starting to realize I feel somewhat betrayed by his actions and yet I realize they are the standard of care. I'm lucky it wasnt PRN haldol and yet we can't drug criminals, detention is enough. While there are studies that suggest increased violence in a small subset of mentally I'll I never really stopped to consider the male female comparison. Can you imagine if all men were of a special class where they could be drugged if they acted up just because they might get violent?

Wasn't sure if anyone was going to respond to this, thanks Mimi. I'm just dealing with things I haven't thought about before. It's hard when the only people you can talk to are part of the system. I mean I have friends irl but they don't get it.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by mimi2112

Oh and about the pdoc. Trust is number one in establishing a relationship with the psychiatrist. How can we trust someone who really does have power to lock us up? Believe me, at one point the pnurse was really trying to get me to go into a hospital setting. I am so glad I did not go. Now when I see her I keep a lot to myself. I just feel I have to in order to feel safe.

I'm glad you didn't go either it's not a great place to heal...I went because when the pdoc asked if I would hurt myself or others I said yes that I wanted to kill this guy at Harvard that I didn't even know, but that he was really me, however i made it clear i would never do this, pdoc still gave me the option of outpatient but I was concerned that I might hurt my bird or something so I went to inpatient. After a couple of days I realized that I wasn't actually violent and the meds weren't working anyway so I wanted out.

[mimi2112]

Some of the stuff that goes on in my head is no different than what is written in bestselling horror novels, yet I don't see Stephen King in a straight jacket. I know if I verbalize some things it scares people and it tends to make a diagnostician scribble all kinds of stuff in his notepad.

[faerie_moon_x]

I believe like 99% of us with mental illness are non-violent. It's that very small 1% of people who are violent that make the news. You never hear about the lady with bipolar who crochets hats for premature babies at the hospital during her manic phase. Oh no. You do hear about the bipolar mom who beat her kids and locked them in the closet, though.... See, lady #1 is the majority of us. Lady #2 is the minority.

I've never been to the hospital. I haven't been in treatment in almost 4 years, and I didn't get a full daignosis when I went. Half of me wants to get help. The other half of me is paranoid of the help. And yet another weird combination of me feels maybe I'm supposed to be this way.... I don't know. I don't like the idea of being controled.

[Sometimes psychotic]

I know what I've been though is mild compared to some people but I'm only just beginning to understand how much control I gave up to be a part of the system. I needed it though, I wasn't functioning right, however some of it I think is overkill. I keep wondering about the PRN Ativan, no one told me about it so I know it wasn't for my benefit. Just the idea that someone would give you an addictive drug just to shut you up for a little while seems remarkably oppressive. I'm debating having a chat with the pdoc about it but part of me says there is nothing he could say to make it better, I think it's more the flip side that I want to change him.

[faerie_moon_x]

That's pretty scary.

The trusth is, though you can't change anyone's views. Maybe you need to consider a different pdoc if you feel he's not trustworthy.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by faerie_moon_x

That's pretty scary.

The trusth is, though you can't change anyone's views. Maybe you need to consider a different pdoc if you feel he's not trustworthy.

So a couple of months ago I tried switching to a pdoc where I work but none of the good ones are available. Do you know what this pdoc said to me at thr very end of the last session. Well hospital X doesn't have an inpatient ward so we may see each other again. He said it like it was a good thing! I still think he's good I just think he's misguided and performing the standard of care of what he was taught instead of being progressive. I suspect his ward is the best in the area is the problem, so I don't want to piss him off. I just want to research the British model because I don't think they use chemical restraints. He loves the British model so I might be able to convince him.