[newtus]

is indecisiveness part of the illness?

my dad said he thinks its part of my illness - that im the most indecisive person he knows.

part of that comes from my lack of motivation. i want to do only a few things in life. but in actuality i dont really want to physically do them. idk what the other part is..

i found this website that said it was and other sites but this site also said nicotine helps reduce psychosis. Untitled Document

[AceNeurotic]

r u pyschotic or schizophrenic?

[faerie_moon_x]

I think lack of motivation may be caused by anhedonia which is a negative symptom. It's what causes that loss of joy in depression as well. Indecisive behavior is a symptom of depression. It may be part of sz, I don't know. But, with your stress and isolation, and things you say here, I wouldn't doubt you are depressed, even if not clinically.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by AceNeurotic

r u pyschotic or schizophrenic?

i am diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by faerie_moon_x

I think lack of motivation may be caused by anhedonia which is a negative symptom. It's what causes that loss of joy in depression as well. Indecisive behavior is a symptom of depression. It may be part of sz, I don't know. But, with your stress and isolation, and things you say here, I wouldn't doubt you are depressed, even if not clinically.

there times when i am depressed yes.
but even when im not i have no motivation. or extremely little.

but half of my isolation is extreme fear of people and stuff related to people.
the other half is i just want to be alone.

who knows what my stress comes from. idk.

[newtus]

does everyone here really think im depressed.
seriously.

[faerie_moon_x]

It's okay, I'm depressed like 50% of the time. I'm depressed so often it feels normal. How messed up is that?

What I mean by isolation is that because of isolation your more likely to feel depressed, like when you talk about loneliness. I know why you are isolated, but, it still effects your mood. Depression isn't necessarily a sadness, like people think. It's also when you feel helpless, hopeless, worthless, broken, and guilty (not everyone feels all of them and not every time.)

For me I don't feel sad when I'm depressed, I feel smushed down. Heavy. I have trouble making decisions, even simple ones like "Red shirt or yellow shirt for bed?" Motivation is at 0. Even getting up to go to the bathroom is a huge chore. It doesn't hang around a long time for me. Usually a few days, then I flip. I'm feeling depressed these las two days. But, my mind is starting to race faster, so I know the flip is coming. Maybe tomorrow or Wednesday.

[newtus]

oooh i see what you were saying sorry.
hah im really sorry.

yea definitely the loneliness.
i didnt start getting extremely lonely until the beginning of this year.
but i do have loneliness.
idk why its so bad now and wasnt before.
before 2013 i was doing the same thing and being home for 4 years prior.
...then again i was also in and out of college - and even when i wasnt i was doing stuff...and now im not doing 1 thing at all. not 1. ...not 1.
so yea i guess isolation makes loneliness for me.

its no doubt ive been extremely depressed the past month.
i cant hide as much as i wish i could.
but you did see me try and im sorry for that.

i fear depression more than psychosis.
ive had bad motivation though ever since maybe 1-2 years ago.
but i think maybe what i was trying to say was i have trouble making decisions.
i think i got confused and made a mistake.
what im TRYING to say is im not motivated much but i have extreme trouble making decisions so much that i just wont do them. because idk what to do.
ugh thank god i got it right and clear right now.

[newtus]

im sorry i got that slightly confused with motivation.

i have such a hard time making decisions i end up doing nothing. i confused my doing nothting wiht motivation. i still dont have much motivation. thats STILL true. but my motivation is coupled with i think my trouble making decisions.

[faerie_moon_x]

yes, I have terrible times make decisions. You should see me at the store wandering around. Without a list I'm just a confused mess! if it's not on the list, I don't get it. Or, I will call my husband 10 times because they are out of something and I need to figure out what else to get. Enough to drive soemone up the wall. But, like you said, I'm so scared of making a mistake it paralyzes me.

I understand that.

One thing I find is helpful is to make small goals and work toward them. That helps me with a lot of things. Even the tiniest goals like taking a shower can give me this huge sense of accomplishment. Yesterday I did the laundry before 10:00 p.m. and I put the clothes away instead of leave them in the basket like normal. It was like this huge relief and made me feel amazing. Something so many people would take for granted, you know?

[mimi2112]

i am indecisive a lot. it is a part of MY illness....whatever my illness is. all i know is that i have trouble making decisions. it's not that i think i will make the wrong decision, it feels as if i just CAN"T do it. it's kind of like the feeling we get when we CAN'T remember a word or when we lose our train of thought. it just happens. no reason for it. just another symptom to put in the basket.

what i have noticed is that when i have too many choices i cannot decide. this is why for instance i wear the same outfits over and over. not the same dirty ones, but ones that i've already put together and i feel comfortable with. choosing clothes from a closet full of clothes is so hard for me sometimes. i miss the part of me that enjoyed piecing together outfits when i was younger. now it is difficult to decide what goes with what. there's been times when indecisive and needing clothes, that i'd buy 3 of the same style jeans- all black- and 5 tops of the same style, but different colors. now i just want a uniform of sorts. i lost my creative self and envy women who put together such beautiful outfits.

i went online shopping for mattresses yesterday. there were about 1 million choices. i narrowed it down by price. still about 1 thousand choices. i have to have someone else decide for me. blagh!!

[newtus]

i think the decisiveness is part of mine too.

i didnt even see that into myself until my dad pointed it out.

EXACTLY @mimi TOO MANY CHOICES

many times i let people decide for me.

[faerie_moon_x]

Yup, I do the clothes thing, too. I can sit there and watch shows like Project Runway and pick out the best outfit, the best model, blah blah blah, so you'd think that's a talent of mine. But when it comes to dressing myself.... good luck! I feel so bored with my clothes yet also can't seem to motivate to change it. And deciding on new clothes is difficult.

I have to pick my clothes the night before otherwise the stress of making a decision in the morning will send me back to bed. I think that's a depression thing for me though. In the night I'll just grab whatever's easiest cos I don't care, but in the morning I just can't seem to do that. I have other examples but I can't think of them right now.

Newtus It's very frustrating.

*Willow*

[newtus]

i wear the same thing everyday. literally. same clothes.
i have for a year now. every once and awhile i change hoodies. thats it.
change underwear/socks once a week.
everything else stays same.

[faerie_moon_x]

My husband wears the same clothes all the time, too. Unless I am washing them or we have to go somewhere. He wears out his clothes. He has like one favorite jeans and shirt and changes socks and undies.

[mimi2112]

if it makes anyone here feel better about wearing the same clothes/outfits over and over, rumor has it that Albert Einstein did this.

[The_little_didgee]

Lassitude.