Sorry for posting again but...

I think that me trying to "look/act normal" is making things worse for me somehow. Like, a lot worse. I don't know. Does anyone know what i mean? Or experience anything similar at all?

is it because you are having to pretend to be someone you are not? or because you feel like a fraud? im not certain, would need more information. just wanted to respond so you didn't feel like you were struggling on your own. take care.

Kind of. I'm not sure exactly what it is.

I feel like I have to pretend I'm okay/fine/"normal"/whatever, I'm sure a lot of people with mental health issues feel the same. It's just exhausting after awhile and it seems like by going to such lengths to hide everything that I'm just making things harder on myself(I can't really hide it anyway so I don't know why I bother). Sorry, I'm not making sense sorry.

I know what you are talking about because I went through this when I was younger. I felt like I had to act like another person to make friends. Nobody liked me so I felt like I had to act. The only time I could be me was when I was alone.

When I was acting I felt awful about myself. I did not understand why nobody liked me. I thought I was the problem because I was severely bullied. For a long time I carried this burden and blamed myself for other people's nasty behavior. Actually it was them not me who made them act that way.

This need to act normal lessened around the age of 25. Now, I am rarely bothered by this so it does get better.

Yeah, I feel like I'm only allowed to fall apart if I'm by myself. Around other people I try so hard to just act like I'm fine even if I'm severely struggling. It's screwed up because I can't act "normal" even though I want to, eventually I "slip up", I say or do something weird, and people laugh at me and/or think I'm crazy.

I guess by "normal" I meant "socially acceptable". There's no "normal" blah blah blah but that's not what I mean. Sorry for being unclear, everyone.

i used to think thre was no normal but there is def a normal. and its very clear what it is.

think about it
when someone says "i just want to be normal" or "i act normal for everybody".
analyze what they do and say and mean.
youll realize there IS a normal.
and no this is not my attempt at philosophy. its just very clear.

NORMAL is ...exactly what atypical said.
normal is what has been deemed socially accepted/appropriate in society.
theres definitely such a thing as normal and being normal.

that doesnt make normal REAL. because the fact that so many fake it or meld into into somehow only makes the concept of normality superficial. normal IS real but its not truth.

even the definition of Normal is very clear. and i didnt look at it until after i typed the above.

that definiteion is off in the context of psychology though.
its what is expected of us. what has been DEEMED socially appropriate. so normal is not static. it changes. but whatever is deemed (keyword) appropriate is what is normal at this moment in time.

newtus, thanks for putting into words what I've been thinking for awhile. I really like how you said that.

Sorry for adding the normal statement. Now, I want my words edited out of the quote. I never wanted to start a discussion on the idea of normal.

its not what u typed.

i have tendencies to go into tangents if theres a space

i asked people in this forum and they said they didnt mind that i did that.

I'm not very good at being socially acceptable. It's part of why I isolate myself so much. I stick out pretty much where ever I go. Just physically I look different. Quite frankly, I always look like hell because I'm so exhausted and drained and psychotic. And then get into talking and stuff and ughhhh. I just don't do well at all. I don't know how to hold a "normal" conversation about "normal" things. Culturally I'm so behind, I missed out on everything I should know about in the past decade because I've been so sick. Not that I was ever interested in stuff like that, but I can't even fake it because I just completely missed out on so much and there's no way to recover the years I've lost.

Then add in things like disorganized speech, "delusions", and having to sometimes talk over the voices I hear... yeah, it's really not pretty. Definitely not socially acceptable, it's a lot of why I stay in my house alone most of the time. I have zero incentive to "socialize" because guess what it's not for everybody first of all and second of all I really just can't. I'm unwell, have been for a long time, and I'm sick of making up excuses for why I don't want to do xyz because I'm too embarrassed by my issues to actually tell the truth.

Thank you both of you. I felt my post was leading into a topic that is very open to interpretation. The last thing I want to do is start an argument. Anyway my feelings are very strong on this issue. Sorry for straying off the topic.

I am so with you. It's so much easier for me to hide out. You're not the only one!

I didn't read all but to your first post, yes I know what you mean. I am pretty sure I look like a crazy person most of the time. I am clean, sure, and all that. But I'm not "Put together." I brush my hair but I don't "style" it, and often it's just kind of a wild and crazy mop of frizz because I just brush it and let it dry by air. I'm more "thrown together" clothes wise.

And, you know, I have the crazy pressured speach problem. And I have a nervous laugh when I talk too. So, first off I can't shut up and even to the point of interruptions at times (which makes me feel aweful but I can't freaking shut up,) then I'm nervously laughing at the same time.

Then is my natural flat expression. If I'm engaging with people I have expression, (and often I am thinking in my head to be expressive, like remember to smile, which I'm sure sometimes comes off as looking off by the looks I get,) but if I am just sitting my face is very flat. My husband often complains I must be in a bad mood. But, no, actually, it's just my flat face. And then of course random people approaching me "smile!" Uhm... okay? It used to confuse me until I learned exactly what was up.

So yeah... I get what you're saying from my experiences.

I know what you mean. The condition makes it hard to keep connected with society and other people.

No doubt, I have severe problems connecting with society and even the people I am close to...However, I have found out that smiling to strangers is rewarding and they don't usually talk to me. It took a lot of guts to smile at people--I really had to force myself to do it but now I'm glad I do....D.

All the time, you're not alone.