[newtus]

i was wondering if you guys thought i should still move?

ever since i got out of hospital ive bonded with my dad more and things have been so much better with him and i. and he tells me a lott he doesnt know what hed do if i wasnt here. i havent talked of moving since i was in hospital though. hes 66 buts hes not disabled or too old for anything so in reality its not like he NEEDS me for anything like if he had a disability. i just think hes sad. but i know i need him as much as he needs me too. for friendhship and support.

the only reason i wanted to move ACTUALLY was to get into some support groups that if i moved to the right city (richardson) and get in the edge of dallas and edge of collin county then i can go to some in a radius of me real close. radius of maybe 10-15 miles instead of being in 1 point and driving 35-50 miles to goto some. i have 3 picked out id like to goto. two ive been to before. and to make some friends. my age or even older is ok. maybe live in dallas county and goto their community college i can goto a richardson campus. which would be only maybe 15 miles away. i picked an apartment out already too. maybe get dallas county resources since they have more. maybe get into some hobby groups. etc. all that.

i kinda planned this out. like that. didnt plan financnes or anything further because im confused about moving and its not like my life here is bad and everything is provided. food and shelter and love. so theres no real reason to move except just opportunity is all.

[newtus]

also whaat made me wonder about moving is safety and that if i get a bad bad relapse like i did. plus i still struggle. a lot. although i feel could be made better by socializing just a bit. which is why i wanted to move too. to help my symptoms.

[costello]

I think you should still move. You can keep in touch with your dad without living with him.

[unaluna]

How much do you like to drive? Do you find it relaxing? Will your budget cover gas? Does it get really bad driving weather out there? I like to drive but not every day now.

I can get hyper and sign up for classes and stuff and a couple of weeks later I'm like, wtf, what did I DO to myself?? So I would not overcommit myself now.

Like I have a ten-month plan to get healthy, but it's kinda loose. First month all I did was write down the minutes of my exercise sessions. The time improved as the month went on. In September I want to beat those times.

Maybe my t would like to see something more definite, but I just want to see improvement over the past.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by costello

I think you should still move. You can keep in touch with your dad without living with him.

first thank you for replying. i appreciate that.

thats true. i helped him set up up a facebook and he knows how to text way better now. so thats two big things well done for communication.

[Gr3tta]

I still think you should move. I think there are lots of opportunities you are missing out on due to your location. I think you should have the safety net of a group home, roomates, visiting care companion , or something along these lines just in case you need help. But in a city I think you would have better access to these things. Besides. Its not like you would be tied there for life. If it didn't work you could go back to your dad later.
I think you should go for it.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by hankster

How much do you like to drive? Do you find it relaxing? Will your budget cover gas? Does it get really bad driving weather out there? I like to drive but not every day now.

not much right now cuase everythings so far away. i have to drive 10 miles for the nearest gas station. only bad weather REALLY is the sun.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I still think you should move. You're so isolated right now and I can see in your posts how that exacerbates everything.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I can see in your posts how that exacerbates everything.

you can?!

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by newtus

you can?!

A lot of your posts especially within the past few months have talked about your physical isolation and how much that makes things harder for you to deal with.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

A lot of your posts especially within the past few months have talked about your physical isolation and how much that makes things harder for you to deal with.

yep.
and its true. ive said so much idk what to say anymore. or maybe im just tired right now. but ive summed it up well. like above. i have to drive 10 miles for the nearest gas station. like CrackedSlowly said some weeks ago theres not even a police station or food joint in my town. the only thing there is besides spaced out houses is a post office which they are closing. i go out of town for every single thing except sleep and bathroom and have a place to sit. you know what i mean.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Yeah, it sounds like your living situation is just downright unhealthy for you considering the circumstances. Besides the sz issues, you strike me as someone who wants to interact with other people. This isolation is not good for your personality type at all. I always see you trying desperately to connect, and that'd be so much easier if you lived somewhere that's not so cut off from humanity.

@ Newtus: I agree with everything that has been said here. However, I know this is a big decision for you. Sit down with your dad and make a list of the pros and cons of you moving. Also discuss a safety plan for what to do in case things get bad for you again. Maybe move away for a short period of time to see how it goes. I think there are some apartments that allow you to sign a shorter lease. This way if you decide that it's too much for you then you can always move back to your dad's house. I do think that if you lived in a bigger city you would be able to have more options for help and for social growth. Bottom line is you'll never know if it will work unless you try it out. I say get your courage up, and go for it! I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Besides the sz issues, you strike me as someone who wants to interact with other people. This isolation is not good for your personality type at all. I always see you trying desperately to connect, and that'd be so much easier if you lived somewhere that's not so cut off from humanity.

well not entirely true.

this is what i say: cage someone up for a long time they go crazy wanting a lot of different things.

i am a loner so much. so much so. and its been proven. i spent 5 years alone and loved it. now ive been caged so long that i just need just a little of interaction and im fine. i mean i could goto a therapist once a week and be fine. ive seen it. but i dont want that type of stuff. its embarassing. i want a real friend. just 1. just an hour a week and im fine. but i dont have that. my dad sure...but besides him being my parent and wanting a deeper peer relationship - he doesnt have the time. i got on facebook and been skyping my sister for an hour twice this week and im doing better. i only need a little bit and thats also why i didnt know if i should move. cuz i only need a bit. the thing is is that the consistency of that bit is lacking because of distance. i need a CONSISTENT bit. i NEED my time alone. so i need a little bit but i need it CONSISTENT.

[newtus]

id hate to portray myself as this extroverted person because im so far from that its not even funny. and the internet can plant funny ideas in people. i may talk a lot here but not out there irl. that but im very much ok with my introvertedness and like it.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by newtus

id hate to portray myself as this extroverted person because im so far from that its not even funny. and the internet can plant funny ideas in people. i may talk a lot here but not out there irl. that but im very much ok with my introvertedness and like it.

I didn't mean to sound like I was pegging you as an extrovert. All I meant is that I know being cooped up does people in whether they're introverts or extroverts. Most people desire connection to other human beings in some form or another, and it sounds like your needs just aren't being met on a consistent basis like you mentioned.

[newtus]

no im sorry. idk whats wrong with me. im all tired. i will get back to this in the morning. i am sorry.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by newtus

no im sorry. idk whats wrong with me. im all tired. i will get back to this in the morning. i am sorry.

It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong! I'm going on basically zero hours of sleep at the moment so my phrasing and such is not as concise as I would prefer.

[newtus]

ok sorry

so getting back to this from last night.

yea i am isolated. i mean the towns so small you could say that its small enought to be around other cities so i can goto other cities really quick. but then again its like miles away. too far to be going to the gas station and the like. i use that example because its a good common example.

[newtus]

i think i would need a cosigner for an apt. but the first time that happened everything went to sh_t. i cant trust my mom. and my dad doesnt want to cosign i dont think from things he said about doing things on my own.

[Sometimes psychotic]

What ever happened to the hotel idea----you could goto a hotel say 2-4 times a month and it would still cost probably half of what rent would even with a roommate---it would be good practice to see if you're ready to move out. If all you need is minimal interaction I'd say setting a day for example when a support group meets and making it a weekly occurrence.

[faerie_moon_x]

I agree that your isolation is having a big impact on your life. Relying on one person for emotional support is hard on both you and your dad. You won't be moving hundreds of miles away, so you can still keep in contact. Having even just a few aquaintances, plus also the random contact you've talked about (cashier at the store, saying high to a neighbor, etc.) would be a huge boost and help you prevent that isolation that makes you so depressed.

There are always big risks when doing things like moving. But having a support system such as those groups could really help you a lot. Plus, if youc an get back into school, even just one or two classes a semester, will really help your self-esteem. Even if you jsut did like art classes and work on your photography, (which is already so good, it would be great to see you take it further,) that would really be good for your mind and soul.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

What ever happened to the hotel idea----you could goto a hotel say 2-4 times a month and it would still cost probably half of what rent would even with a roommate---it would be good practice to see if you're ready to move out. If all you need is minimal interaction I'd say setting a day for example when a support group meets and making it a weekly occurrence.

if u forgive me i frgt about that.

im so worried about safety though.

[newtus]

im thinking about moving into a apt where a lot of older people live indepently becuz its near a senior friendship center

[Gr3tta]

Do you enjoy spending time with seniors newtus? I didn't know that. If you do, that sounds like a nice arrangement. Does the housing accept younger people? I hope so!