Am I schizophrenic or psychotic?

Okay, so about 7 weeks ago a kitten of mine died, I'd been suffering from depression and anxiety for about a year at that point and was just waiting for something to push me over the edge and that did it. I haven't spoken to any of my friends for about 6 months because I've had no motivation to even approach them, I've sort of just disassociated myself from the world. I'm not going to cover everything that's been happening to me as I don't want to bore you, so I'll try to keep it brief.

I'm utterly convinced that all my cats are going to die. I can't even look at them without wanting to puke. I'm sure they've contracted something from the kitten that passed away, and it makes me too sad to even acknowledge them. I told that (and numerous other things) to the psychiatrist I was seeing at the hospital, and she referred me to a team that specializes in the prevention or delay of psychosis in young people (although I didn't know this is what they did at the time, I only found that out a few days ago when I researched them).

I failed to get in touch with the team despite them calling me numerous times, and about three weeks later the nurses that were visiting my house twice a week to see me informed me that the psychiatrist doesn't think I'm unwell enough to have to see the psychosis team, so they referred me to somewhere else for therapy. I was fine with that. So about three weeks ago I went to see a psychologist from the therapy team I had been referred to, and she put me down on the priority list for therapy. I'm still yet to hear anything though.

Since then my symptoms have worsened. Three or four nights of the week I go completely without sleep, and it's at night that I start thinking the most irrational things. For example, one night I thought I could here the tap in the bathroom and became utterly convinced that someone was in the house trying to kill me. And then I couldn't hear my parents breathing and 100% believed they were dead or killed and felt physically sick and petrified. I literally spent all night in the corner of my room watching my door, terrified. And then, I was sure someone was in my room even though I couldn't see anyone. About four hours later when it was just turning light, I got in bed and had an anxiety attack, my arms and legs went tingly etc., and then I believed I was getting that body lock syndrome. And it's just stuff like that that happens every other night that have me concerned. It's causing me all sorts of problems and is making my depression and anxiety much worse.

Also, I think I've sort of been hallucinating too. For example I was watching TV midday, and the walls started moving as if they were breathing in and out, and then they started to discolour. I also see orb-like dots and flashes in my eye, and shadows and moving lines.

I've told this to one of the doctors at my local GP, but he just told me to get a good nights rest and that infuriated me! He said I just had anxiety and there's nothing he could do. And that he couldn't prescribe me sleeping tablets because I was on them two weeks ago. I was hoping he would refer me back to the psychiatrist I was seeing at the hospital or something, or someone that had some knowledge about mental health.

Anyway I'm not going to bore you any more and I'm sorry if this is a long post! Also, I want to mention that I've kept a hell of a lot of other information out as I don't want to make this post too long and put you off reading it.

Thanks!

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Hi twigg, my name is Chris. I am sorry your kitten passed away and hope you are feeling better. It sounds like seeing your psychiatrist again may help, he/she could prescribe medication that is more affective for you. I have mentioned going through a rough time in my life six years ago in another forum on here, but I was very afraid too and with time and a good support system (like this site and therapy), I got through it. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to seek help from your parents or you psychiatrist if you feel you are in an emergency. Hope this finds you well.

Hi Twigg! Thanks for your post. Based just on what you said here, I don't think it sounds like szi. You may or may not have experienced some psychosis. What did the pdoc at the hospital say? Did they diagnose you?
It definitely sounds like you have a lot of anxiety - I am sorry you have been feeling so scared. If they can help you with these feelings that may eliminate a lot of your symptoms. I hope you will feel better very soon.

Hi Twigg. Welcome to Pc, and thank you for sharing.

It sounds as if you have been experiencing a lot of anxiety and the insomnia is obviously not helping. I am so sorry for the tragedy of losing your kitty.
I wonder if you can call about seeing the early intervention team? Explain that you feel you could really benefit from it, even though the doc changed his mind---if you were to contact him again and tell him about your altered states- visual disturbances and paranoia- it sounds like you do qualify for the program. More studies are showing that early intervention is beneficial and I encourage you to be diligent in getting support.

In the mean time, keep sharing here. We have been through what you are going through and are here to help. Take care.

Thanks for the replies, all of you! I would contact the psychiatrist at the hospital but I don't want to be a pest

I've felt relatively normal the passed couple of days, I just hope the symptoms don't manifest again. I went to see my local doctor today and she prescribed me some more Diazepam to help with the panic attacks at night, but that's all she could do. I've still got to wait 10 weeks at the minimum for CBT therapy for my anxiety so I just hope that I don't deteriorate in the mean time.

Thanks!

"I would contact the psychiatrist at the hospital but I don't want to be a pest "

The doc is there to treat you, you are not being a pest asking for help.

I concur.

She's already referred me to another place though, where they specialize in anxiety, and I start therapy there in 12 to 18 weeks (as I've found out today). I don't want to be a bother when there could be people that need help more urgently... I don't know I just don't want to come across as a nuisance when she's already referred me somewhere..

It is actually important for you to contact the hospital to find out if you were given a diagnosis if you don't know. You don't have to contact the doctor directly. You can ask to have your medical record released to you (which may cost you a fee but not always, usually around $25,) or if they do charge and you have little money you can have your primary care doctor request it, then get the results from him/her. This would be good for continuity of care as well.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. But it is very important to know these things and you're not being a pest. It's being a responsible patient. The more you know about your own health care the better you can advocate for yourself.