I've virtually disappeared in every aspect of my life. Where I once was, I no longer am. Where I once had an amplitude of eager ears, I am left with none. And all of my thoughts are melding together from the sheer stress & inability to stop indulging my self-analysis. I can't see this ever being over. Typically I run the optimistic side of things, but this feels completely insurmountable... I've always loved being independent because it was out of choice. I had options & I refused them. But now that I am stripped, I am utterly lost. It's not that I need anyone, but companionship would be comforting in my time of need. Reassurance. Anything to elevate me back to my usual place so I'm not sinking anymore in this mental space that is "in between" everything. I'm ****ing annoyed. I'm ****ing overwhelmed. And I'm ****ing sick of where I am... Unfortunately, I have nowhere else to go.

[There's no use in elaborating on what I mean by anything. It's personal stuff. I just can't keep the thoughts in my head or in my journal anymore. I feel like a ticking bomb. Just one more miniscule circumstance away from exploding... And this is nothing medication can alleviate. Stress & strain on my psyche isn't curable by a simple tweaking of brain chemistry. Reality has no cure.]

[Atypical_Disaster]

I have to admit I'm not sure how to reply to this since you didn't elaborate too much on what's going on, but I'll give it a shot anyway since I'm not sleeping so why not?

Disappearing from life like that usually means that for whatever reason(s), things couldn't go on the way they were. The good news is that the change in your circumstances didn't result in your complete destruction. You have a chance now to start again, sure it's different and it's not the way you want it to be... but you're still here, you're still you, and you still have a lot of opportunities.

It sucks to feel lost like that. When you're going through so many changes(especially changes you didn't make willingly), you're going to feel off-kilter for awhile. It doesn't last. I know it feels overwhelming when you're in the middle of it, but it's not going to last forever.

[LadyShadow]

Although you say no support is needed, I will have to say this. I understand where you are. You didn't elaborate what was going on, but you don't have to. Your words resonate with me because that is where I'm at in my life. When you say you have virtually disappeared in every aspect of your life, a tear ran down my cheek.

Powerful words for a lost soul. You are not alone.

Thank you both... I admit to being a little embarrassed. I think I had a wee bit of an episode; thus the catastrophizing. But I do appreciate it. Sleep helped -- I was able to separate myself from everything temporarily. Apologies for not elaborating, but, some matters are not for public forum. Regardless, the validation that I am entitled to my complete freakout is... Much needed.

[faerie_moon_x]

We all need support and companionship. There's no reason to be embarrassed. I understand having an episode. I have them, too. I hate them but there they are, coming out of left feild. So, I understand. And if I could make money with catastrophizing, I'd be a millionare.

I'm glad sleep has helped.

Sleep always helps puts things in perspective, I find I also second Faerie that there's no reason to be embarrassed because the whole point of PC is to post what you need to, when you need to

I hope that you're feeling a bit better now

*Willow*

[anneo59]

I know, I know, our situations are all different. But have been dealing with a lot recently and having to pull it together. and much of what has been said on this thread, I could also echo! Take care, all!

[anneo59]

glad you are bettter, agree that some matters better kept private for various reasons, understand. Be well!

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Shayatanica

Thank you both... I admit to being a little embarrassed. I think I had a wee bit of an episode; thus the catastrophizing. But I do appreciate it. Sleep helped -- I was able to separate myself from everything temporarily. Apologies for not elaborating, but, some matters are not for public forum. Regardless, the validation that I am entitled to my complete freakout is... Much needed.

Everyone's entitled to a freak out every now and again. It happens. One of the occupational hazards of being human!

You may feel the meds can't and won't help but if you feel like this ( the feelings as per your post) you need to be taking some kind of medication. The reason I say this is that sometimes if you don't actively acknowledge that something has gone wrong with your mind then it can be easy to jump to the frame of mind where you believe that your problems , the ones in your mind, are being created by other people. And this is not good. A way of actively acknowledging this, and it is unfortunate, is by taking medication. You should not seek to over medicate yourself but titrate up to something that is tolerable.

Best of luck

[likewater]

Shayatanica, it's so great to hear from you. After my brother died, i lived in the in between for mos. I sreiously think i wasn't completely here. It was like i was on between like and death. My brother even came to me to comfort me. The in between doesn't last forever. I'm glad you have a respite from it. May angels surround you.

[Frokly]

i understand your problem with journals... i used to write a lot of journals till i realized i'm the only one reading them... then came the forums... i hope you get in a good spot soon... as i've recently had a conversation with someone... i asked him if his life was "better" or "good" he said :better

and i suggested for him to increase his meds because it was just better but not good...

i don't know what medications you are taking but if you still reserve some hope in brain chemistry however small... give it another go just start new for a change...

I've been in recovery for a long time and i can say i'm "good" for now and the foreseeable future... i just hope one day, better if soon, you can say you're "good" too.

best wishes

[newtus]

i write journals for my own self BUT when you pass (away) theres a good chance someone will read them too.

Thank you everyone else -- I'm mostly fine. And I am medicated. Lightly. But it really IS life-stuff. I'm typically doing just fine, even if I'm blatantly psychotic. When life stresses pile one on top of the other unremitting, though? It's a lot worse. But regardless. I do appreciate all of the responses. I guess it just comes with the territory of being alive & whatnot.

And thank you Newtus!! Oddly enough, that was hugely comforting. I used to write for that reason... Even if it's a bit morbid, maybe I'll start again. Document **** worth repeating.