Everything looks 2D, and other psychosis stuff.

I'm not sure if this should go here or in my thread that I already have going/ another subcategory, but I'll put it here anyways. This will be long (bc my thoughts are all over the place) and has a general trigger warning for s. ideations and descriptions of hallucinations?

I think the anesthesia and ketamine I was given for surgery in Oct. have done a number on my mentality and emotions. I feel really depressed some days like I used to be, I'm having suicidal ideations again (although they are more fleeting than they used to be). I even read experiences of people's recreational ketamine use, and realized that even before my surgery, ever since I could remember I've thought the same way about the universe / "reality" as they do when they are on it.
My brain leads me down these thought patterns, like when I get offended or think about the future, I automatically hear in my head "I should just die" nd it's not like it's my thought. it's more like a voice in my head pretending to be me, and I haven't thought this way since my s. ideations were really bad. I feel like I'm never going to fall in love or do all the things I want to, I'll just be inside all the time playing sims and going crazy. I want to but I can't email my only friend back, something stops me.

I can't even see my T bc I can't call myself, I rely on my mom to drive me and she keeps forgetting, plus it costs a lot and I feel guilty about it.

and I'm really paranoid and I think I might be hallucinating. I am aware that my T would emphasize that I'm "reality based" but I still have no idea what reality is supposed to mean, and I never have since I was little. anyway.
About an hour ago I was singing outside all bundled up, and then I started to get really tense and shiver and couldn't stop. I went inside and it felt kinda like dissociation, but something was different and still is. I'm upset about it and it's hard to describe....
I came inside and everything looked 2D. I know that things are 3D and I can see the shadows and highlights, I know that they have form. but It looks fake. the images to everything have been superimposed. the colors are extra saturated and its hard to tell that there is any space between anything. everything seems to just be a bunch of images on top of each other.

Lately I've been thinking, just like when I used to be really unwell, that there is a demon attached to my soul and stays near me. It's because when I was being born, my mom and I's heartbeats were lost for an unknown amt. of time to me, and I think when that happened my soul was found by demons who wanted to come back to life or use my energy. The past few days my cat has been intensely staring at things in my dark room and it freaks me out because I think that she's seeing the demon. I'm tense and scared, and my cat next to me is scaring me too. She's gentile but she gives love bites and i feel like she's going to just chomp down and not let go...

There are so many other things bothering me but I don't want to completely overload anyone. Its just very upsetting.

My opinion is not very well informed unfortunately, but it looks like you're going through a psychotic depressive episode. You should really see your doctor. Take care and good luck!

hey i am sorry you are not feeling well. being paranoid is not easy, but i have found hypnotherapy helped to take the edge off a lot of it, for me anyway.your cat is not going to hurt you, and as far as demons are concerned if i see one who is up to no good i imagine a sphere of white light going around them and i send them off to the other side of the universe where they have to walk back. always works.
as for you, try a sphere of light around yourself and imagine anything bad inside you being trapped in this sphere of light and again send them to the other side of the universe.
this is your mind , you are in control, you are strong, you can do this.
take care