[trippythreesix]

Hi all,

Well, Im not sure how long this post will be, sometimes its hard to keep track of my thoughts and get the energy and focus to type for very long. anyway here goes

Well recently (a couple months or so) I've increasingly begun to have auditory and visual hallucinations, more auditory than visual though thank god. Im only 16 so I thought maybe its just hormones or something. However I have Schizophrenia, Bipolar, and Borderline in my immediate family so thats a cause for concern >.< lol

I hear very aggressive and negative voices who I think i've pieced together like to call each January and December, I thought I had which one is which figured out but now i'm not even sure. I'll here them yelling at me to wake up some mornings and it will scare me so much I yell back at them. They try to convince me to kill myself, harm myself, harm others. They sometimes comment on things I do and point out things I don't even notice.

Aside from voices I hear alarms bells, dogs barking, cries, screams, ticking, paper crumbling, and most annoyingly: white noise. I know its not likely schizophrenia because most of the time I can rule most everything out and identify it as all in my head, but that doesn't devalue the fact that they are terrifying and mean. However I am still young and it may be onsetting early...

Also, I have been experiencing racing thoughts. Racing tot he point where I grab my head and pull my hair out of anger. I cant even keep up with my own thoughts. They are sparatic and random thoughts a lot too.

Sometimes I will sort of blackout like some Butterfly Effect crap and not know where I am or what time it is or crap like that. I once forgot where I was and walked into the wrong house. ending in my arrest at 330am.

I go through roller coaster like emotions as well, but not very severe.

I feel like my environment affects my thoughts and personality too much. Like complete personality changes depending on my environment.

I've also becoming ridiculously impulsive and and obsessive. I can not stand to be alone, in line with Borderline symptoms i freak out if I feel like a friend family member or girlfriend is pulling away even a little bit and do drastic things to prevent it so.

Im 16 and already smoking a pack a day on average. Drinking and smoking just to feel calm and emotionless. Permiscuous is also a word I would use to describe myself... also in line with Borderline.

I talked with Mattmx and he seems to speculate I may have some Early Onset Dissasociative Identity. He may be very right but Im not sure.

I would get help but Im scared and I feel selfish. Last year I had a run in with self harm and suicide and my mom made me make it seem as if I was okay. After I told my trusted friend this he told his mom and they contacted CPS. Which i pretended to be pissed about and then felt bad and lied to the doctors and social workers saying I was fine.

Im so far from fine. I should be losing my ***** already. I cant take it yall.
If I get help it may burden my family financially and my stepdad has recently been laid off. It may hurt my 12 year old sister and make it really awkward for me to be with my family.

I need help guys. Im losing my *****.

What do yall tihnk?

Trippy

[IndieVisible]

Hi Trppy, I'm not a doc so please don't take what I say as a diagnosis. I can only offer my opinion and support.

If we can rule out drugs, even marijuana then what your describing is sounding more like bipolar with psychosis or schizoaffective with bipolar. Not much difference except with schizoaffective your psychosis is not dependent on your mood swings, where as with bipolar psychosis is dependent on the mood swings. I'd say that sounds more likely then borderline. Not that it's impossible to be borderline too or share some of the traits, but being 16, dude, most teenagers are borderline lol, so can't really go by the symptoms you provided.

I'd start with a school counselor and see if they can hook you up with a therapist. I get mostly delusional and paranoid in addition to my bipolar. Occasionally I do hallucinate, mostly auditory in my head but some times auditory outside of my head and very rare but happens, visuals. Nothing scary or threatening. If yours are scary or threatening then you need to seek some treatment. There are good voices and bad voices, sounds like you have bad ones.

Good Luck to you!

[Victoria'smom]

you are in the US so personality disorders aren't currently diagnosed at your age. If I were you I'd ask to go to a regular dr. for migraines. When your in the room with the regular dr give him a list of what is going on and tell him you want to make sure nothing is physically wrong. After all those tests come back clean your regular dr will help you get a referral to a psychiatrist. Please first view this as a fully physical thing before even exploring other options.

[junkDNA]

when iwas 16 i heard negative voices exactly like u described and saw visuals too of the person that had the voice constantly hurting himself in front of me. i would see if u can see a psychiatrist maybe ask your parents or caregivers. if they need an explanation its best to just be completely honest. maybe even say verbatim what u said here. most likely they will want to support u into getting help.

[faerie_moon_x]

Hi, Im' not overly well today so I couldn't read your whole post.

I took note you hear alarm bells. I used to hear phones ringing. Well, not phones but one phone and it would drive me crazy. Actually, a lot of my auditory hallucinations tend to be noises rather than actual speaking or voices I can understand.

I agree with Miguel'sMom to get you to a general doctor and talk about what's going on to get referred to a psychiatrist.

Welcome to the forum, as well.