[roseblossom]

Has anyone else had any experience of themes of religion or the devil being involved in their illness?

I began to get ill about 20 years ago and at that time I was wanting to go to church and was thinking about the meaning of life and expecting my first child.

About 10 years later I became a Christian. But I've now come to the conclusion that I can't seem to be a healthy Christian because of a tendency to get out of balance with things on a religious theme due to the illness. Can anyone else relate?

Originally Posted by roseblossom

Has anyone else had any experience of themes of religion or the devil being involved in their illness?

I began to get ill about 20 years ago and at that time I was wanting to go to church and was thinking about the meaning of life and expecting my first child.

About 10 years later I became a Christian. But I've now come to the conclusion that I can't seem to be a healthy Christian because of a tendency to get out of balance with things on a religious theme due to the illness. Can anyone else relate?

I don't think I can relate but I have attributed most of my problems to evil and when things got worse instead of better, I would just lose hope but something always brings me back up.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Yes---I thought that people were working with the devil---I thought that I had accidentally sold my soul and become the third horse of the apocalypse. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore I prayed to God to help me. The next day I got risperidone which worked for me. Slowly all the voices and delusions left me. While I made a promise to God that I would always believe I'm afraid of trying traditional Christianity because it may make things worse for me in the future. The more I know the more I have things to fuel my insanity. Take the third horse of the apocalypse...when I actually looked up the third horse it was famine, now I donate to the food bank regularly, how could I be famine, that would be too ironic. Thus the delusion ended once I figured it out.

[newtus]

yea i had the same deal.
god was sending me mathematical messages through the air. speaking to me.
i still strongly believe in demons and ghosts inhabit my vicinity. where i live. where i go.
i started going to church more.
they found out i was mentally ill.
i physically ran through the local church. did some things i wont say (for privacy concerns).
confessed my powers...basically.
i have visions. still do. of the apocalypse.
of riioting in the streets in religious ideas.
i feel ive predicted stuff. truly. most of my visions match up to reality.
but get real...whose gonna believe me that isnt into that stuff? im not stupid.
but i believe what i see and hear is real.

i would go and pray by myself for an hour in the chapel after-hours many times.

thing is...i wasnt religious be4 it happened.
now i am.

i wanted to become a nun and priest. and wanted to give all my stuff away.
i was planning to preach on the corner.

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

I don't think I can relate but I have attributed most of my problems to evil and when things got worse instead of better, I would just lose hope but something always brings me back up.

I can relate to attributing illness to evil.

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Yes---I thought that people were working with the devil---I thought that I had accidentally sold my soul and become the third horse of the apocalypse. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore I prayed to God to help me. The next day I got risperidone which worked for me. Slowly all the voices and delusions left me. While I made a promise to God that I would always believe I'm afraid of trying traditional Christianity because it may make things worse for me in the future. The more I know the more I have things to fuel my insanity. Take the third horse of the apocalypse...when I actually looked up the third horse it was famine, now I donate to the food bank regularly, how could I be famine, that would be too ironic. Thus the delusion ended once I figured it out.

I can totally understand why you have reservations about trying traditional Christianity. That's brilliant the way you handled the delusion of being the third horse of the apocalypse.

It is just so strange the way religion seems to crop up in people's delusions and thoughts when they are unwell..

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by newtus

yea i had the same deal.
god was sending me mathematical messages through the air. speaking to me.
i still strongly believe in demons and ghosts inhabit my vicinity. where i live. where i go.
i started going to church more.
they found out i was mentally ill.
i physically ran through the local church. did some things i wont say (for privacy concerns).
confessed my powers...basically.
i have visions. still do. of the apocalypse.
of riioting in the streets in religious ideas.
i feel ive predicted stuff. truly. most of my visions match up to reality.
but get real...whose gonna believe me that isnt into that stuff? im not stupid.
but i believe what i see and hear is real.

i would go and pray by myself for an hour in the chapel after-hours many times.

thing is...i wasnt religious be4 it happened.
now i am.

i wanted to become a nun and priest. and wanted to give all my stuff away.
i was planning to preach on the corner.

I have wanted to become a nun too, but now I think that I have lost my salvation so that wouldn't work. I have given quite a lot away at different times.

Are you taking any medication and does it make any difference?

[newtus]

i sometimes but not really take haldol. im SUPPOSED to be but i cant function on any med. function normally. medications have rarely taken away my paranoid or delusions. or anything. it only takes away voices anyway.

[mimi2112]

I see a big difference between religion and spirituality. I believe that having some kind of ritual (like in the Catholic Church) helps some of us. Having faith and connection helps some of us. But I tend to get really creeped out with extremes and I can see how easy it would be to lose touch with reality and have religious delusions. Some of it has to do with it (Catholocism) being shoved down my throat, shaming and frightening me into the practice of religious rituals as a child. I was told that I was a sinner. So it makes sense that these things would creep up in to my psychosis.

Although I don't feel acutely psychotic at the moment, I do feel that I am not worthy to have a good life, that God is punishing me; that I have done something wrong. I know it sounds irrational, but it's because I'm not happy and I don't feel a connection to God. I get told all the time to have faith and have a relationship with God, and I do pray but I still don't feel better... so yeah, sometimes I do think I am a bad person,and you could conclude that I am delusional to a degree. So there is a religious component to my illness.


Then there are the people who insist that I have a spiritual disease and not a mental illness....that's a whole rant that I won't get into. (for now)

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by mimi2112

Then there are the people who insist that I have a spiritual disease and not a mental illness....that's a whole rant that I won't get into. (for now)

That's something that I have got stuck over again and again - whether it is a spiritual disease and not a mental illness? For me personally, I was and maybe still am a bit convinced that it has been a spiritual disease, but it has caused me so much unhappiness and stress, that I am trying to change my mindset and am reviewing this belief. To be honest though I really think that I need the help of a psychologist but the nhs seem to have shut the door on funding one. Its hard to not to feel depressed.

[mimi2112]

may I ask why you have not been given a therapist? I am sorry you are depressed. I believe that wellness is a balancing act.. a little spirituality and a little psychology and a little psychiatry when needed. is the nhs not giving you any services at all?

[cybermember]

Religion has never played a part in my illness as I am an atheist. My themes have been about the government.

[mimi2112]

my themes tend to be more about the government and especially police. last night I was watching a sheriff being interviewed. what's weird for me is that I noticed the 5 point star of the badge and I couldn't help but correlate it to a pentagram, in the evil sense. like sheriff badge symbolized evil for me on some level. IDK it's weird to explain it.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by cybermember

Religion has never played a part in my illness as I am an atheist. My themes have been about the government.

I was an atheist before the break but when I got desperate, I prayed and made a promise to God to believe if he helped me. I'm basically cured and still feel I need to keep my promise.

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by mimi2112

may I ask why you have not been given a therapist? I am sorry you are depressed. I believe that wellness is a balancing act.. a little spirituality and a little psychology and a little psychiatry when needed. is the nhs not giving you any services at all?

I've been told that its very unlikely that I would be able to see a psychologist because of the shortage of places - actually my community nurse just fobs me off and to be frank has been useless. I really don't want to see her again and am considering withdrawing from the mental health team's 'care' because it just seems to be mostly about keeping tabs on you and asking you the same question over and over again which is 'what do you think will help'? So, essentially the service I get from the nhs is a prescription of an antipsychotic, plus other meds I now have to take for diabetes etc because the weight gain caused by the antipsychotic gave me diabetes.

Originally Posted by mimi2112

Although I don't feel acutely psychotic at the moment, I do feel that I am not worthy to have a good life, that God is punishing me; that I have done something wrong. I know it sounds irrational, but it's because I'm not happy and I don't feel a connection to God. I get told all the time to have faith and have a relationship with God, and I do pray but I still don't feel better... so yeah, sometimes I do think I am a bad person,and you could conclude that I am delusional to a degree. So there is a religious component to my illness.

Yeah, me too I'm not really religious, but I would like to be spiritual. I miss that safe comforting feeling that I had as a child when I believed in God and thought about Him. But I guess I feel that any God isn't interested in me and I deserve all my problems.

Originally Posted by roseblossom

To be honest though I really think that I need the help of a psychologist but the nhs seem to have shut the door on funding one. Its hard to not to feel depressed.

Yeah me too. I really, really want a therapist. I feel like my depression & psychosis are related to low self esteem, and I need some serious help to deal with that, but I can't access any. My pdoc just gives me meds. I have no CPN. And the only therapy available is IAPT stuff for mild/moderate depression and anxiety, which pdoc says won't help me. I thought it was just my area NHS, so I'm sorry that you're having the same problem

*Willow*

[mimi2112]

it's not ok to treat this illness with just meds. i'm sorry to hear that you, Rose and Willow, have no access to a therapist. i have a therapist through the community mental health service. i have heard though that even here, some with psychosis and acute Sz dx will only get meds. i don't understand the logic. even acutely psychotic and Sz sufferers need to have someone to talk to.

Originally Posted by mimi2112

I see a big difference between religion and spirituality. I believe that having some kind of ritual (like in the Catholic Church) helps some of us. Having faith and connection helps some of us. But I tend to get really creeped out with extremes and I can see how easy it would be to lose touch with reality and have religious delusions. Some of it has to do with it (Catholocism) being shoved down my throat, shaming and frightening me into the practice of religious rituals as a child. I was told that I was a sinner. So it makes sense that these things would creep up in to my psychosis.

Although I don't feel acutely psychotic at the moment, I do feel that I am not worthy to have a good life, that God is punishing me; that I have done something wrong. I know it sounds irrational, but it's because I'm not happy and I don't feel a connection to God. I get told all the time to have faith and have a relationship with God, and I do pray but I still don't feel better... so yeah, sometimes I do think I am a bad person,and you could conclude that I am delusional to a degree. So there is a religious component to my illness.

Then there are the people who insist that I have a spiritual disease and not a mental illness....that's a whole rant that I won't get into. (for now)

i have felt that way too you know. at times i'm like nobody cares about me, not even god. That's how i felt. now i don't feel that way as much but when things don't come my way i'm like why does this have to happen? First i have to reason with myself that oh i must have fallen short of this or maybe i forgot to do this or something.i try to be logical first and then i start asking myself if it's a spiritual thing. when i'm not clearheaded, i'm like why am i feeling this way? do i need to get some rest or should i pray to have it removed from me right this instant?

whenever someone says something mean to me, i'm like is God punishing me for not spending enough time with him? am i not praying enough? do i feel like forsaking him comes with a huge price? so you see, all these negative things start to invade my mind and the next thing you know i'm right there crying.
i've also felt that nonchristians have it all easy. they don't have to suffer and htey have lots of friends. being christian makes me want to be selective when it comes to being friends with someone. like i was told in church to find christian friends everywhere but truth is the christians that i know are too cocky or too not my type. i go for nonbelievers and they seem to be okay to talk to only they can't be close friends in the long run. so sad.

i have already prayed for friendships, both christian and nonchristian, and yet nothing has come. i'm so saddened by the fact that everyone else still has plenty of people to talk to whereas i've only met a few people that i can trust.

[James_from_Idaho]

I have read everybodies post.. And one occuring thing comes to me, to my mind.. In the Word it says that God has concluded the israelites under sin.. So that he can have mercy on them all.. And I believe he has done the same to us.. Those things we struggle with, the very things that are out of our control, are the thing's that make us forgiven.. I mean, look at like this.. If somebody can't help theirself, than they are indeed innocent.. And if you think I don't struggle on a daily basis, you are wrong.. Everybody does in some way.. Of course I would not want it to be that way..

[7654321]

Originally Posted by roseblossom

Has anyone else had any experience of themes of religion or the devil being involved in their illness?

I began to get ill about 20 years ago and at that time I was wanting to go to church and was thinking about the meaning of life and expecting my first child.

About 10 years later I became a Christian. But I've now come to the conclusion that I can't seem to be a healthy Christian because of a tendency to get out of balance with things on a religious theme due to the illness. Can anyone else relate?

Hi I have schizoaffective bipolar religiously themed. I can relate not being able to function in social settings, but whats the reason you say you can't be a healthy Christian? Why do you say you are out of balance? I can relate to that.

[hexacoda]

I was Pagan. During one episode of psychosis I thought I had become a messenger of the Gods. During another I suddenly became interested in Christianity. That didn't last long. Now I can't seem to have faith in any belief; it's too close to psychosis.

The thing with psychosis is that if you are delusional you can literally subscribe to any belief. Whether it be aliens , Angels , Government interference , Deities , Devils, Mind Readers . Literally anything. There is absolutely no limit given who you meet in the day , what you interpert from conversations , what you see in the televison , etc.

So what is happening? the mind is making false inferences and assumptions.

[faerie_moon_x]

My delusion was based on spiritual beliefs and magic although not Christian. I agree it doesn't matter what thing it is, once it gets ahold of you it can be anything.

When I was in 7th grade we watched a video on alien abductions at school for English class (I can't say why... weird teacher I guess.) After that I was sure the aliens were after me specifically and I would lay awake at night listening for any indication that the ship might be landing in our yard.... >.< I remember going on a road trip with my aunt and cousins and insisting to sit by the window at night so I could watch for the alien ship....

So, I also think I'm more susceptable to things like that if I'm not careful.

[Chryss]

Originally Posted by roseblossom

Has anyone else had any experience of themes of religion or the devil being involved in their illness?

I began to get ill about 20 years ago and at that time I was wanting to go to church and was thinking about the meaning of life and expecting my first child.

About 10 years later I became a Christian. But I've now come to the conclusion that I can't seem to be a healthy Christian because of a tendency to get out of balance with things on a religious theme due to the illness. Can anyone else relate?

Back before I got treated, I thought the world had ended and I was living in hell. I thought my housemates were all demons and I was going to become one. Then another time I thought that I was the last remaining person that hadn't gotten into either heaven or hell and there was a battle going on for my soul.

In the original psychosis i was convinced that i'd lost my soul to the devil. i had visions of the end of the World. So much has happened since then too. i read the Bible for a few years. i used to believe that people were the Devil. i believed that i was the Devil at one point too, & God another time. i had all kinds of experiences of evil.

The medication does work to keep it all away - & i dropped all the religion. i do have a lot of interest in spirituality, but see that as being very different to religion.