[lorna]

Ok, I'll start by saying this has gone on for at least 6months and I've done my best to avoid the issues and "keep it together" I think the breaking point was 2 nights ago, my mom who is delusional called the police and explained her visions. The police told me that I shouldn't tell her that they aren't real. I just can't lie about it, am I wrong??? I know she thinks she is seeing things, but they aren't real, I don't think its right to go along with it.... She needs the awareness that they aren't real, but then again I'm no health professional. When we got her to the doctor, the family doc said to her its not real. So I'm confused do you go with the delusional thoughts or correct them?

I know that to your mom it is very real. So maybe just listening to her and offering support is the best way to handle this. I'm not a professional either but I think if you argue with it about whether it is real or not that this would only cause her to shut down and not share with you what she is going through. I know this is really hard on you. I've been with my own mother in the same situations. Hang in there!

[costello]

You say your mom is delusional, then you say she's seeing things. Delusions and hallucinations are two different things, and I've heard they should be handled differently. I've been told not to argue with a delusion. But you can tell the person who is hallucinating that you don't see whatever it is they're seeing. I would never play along and pretend I saw something I didn't, but to tell your mom that what she's seeing isn't there denies her reality. Just say, "I don't see it."

Is this something new for your mom? How old is she?

ETA: Btw, that thing about not arguing with a delusion shouldn't be a hard and fast rule IMO. From what you say, your mom is hallucinating, not delusional. If she is truly delusional, I wouldn't just apply the 'don't argue with it' rule all the time.

ETA: I just re-read your post and saw the part about it going on for 6 months, so that answers one of my questions. But how old is she? Is she seeing a doctor?

Originally Posted by lorna

Ok, I'll start by saying this has gone on for at least 6months and I've done my best to avoid the issues and "keep it together" I think the breaking point was 2 nights ago, my mom who is delusional called the police and explained her visions. The police told me that I shouldn't tell her that they aren't real. I just can't lie about it, am I wrong??? I know she thinks she is seeing things, but they aren't real, I don't think its right to go along with it.... She needs the awareness that they aren't real, but then again I'm no health professional. When we got her to the doctor, the family doc said to her its not real. So I'm confused do you go with the delusional thoughts or correct them?

Yeah I too believe that people who are psychotic should not have their delusions tacitly accepted. I really do think its counterproductive. But you should not argue either. The best approach I think is explaining that these are symptoms of their illness and you love them very much and we'll do our best to get you treated. If she wants to talk about her delusions after that listen up to a point.

I honestly believe that the overwhelming majority of sz sufferers are capable of reason . Its a muscle that needs exercising and is not readily accessible. But it can be done by treating them with humane respect , and that includes treating them like an adult and not a child.

Good luck

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[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by lorna

Ok, I'll start by saying this has gone on for at least 6months and I've done my best to avoid the issues and "keep it together" I think the breaking point was 2 nights ago, my mom who is delusional called the police and explained her visions. The police told me that I shouldn't tell her that they aren't real. I just can't lie about it, am I wrong??? I know she thinks she is seeing things, but they aren't real, I don't think its right to go along with it.... She needs the awareness that they aren't real, but then again I'm no health professional. When we got her to the doctor, the family doc said to her its not real. So I'm confused do you go with the delusional thoughts or correct them?

It may be how you are doing it...first assume everything she sees is in fact real to her...her brain is absolutely creating an image for her if she's having visual hallucinations. You pointing it out as unreal serves no purpose...it won't magically disappear from her brain. If I pointed to your coffee table and said it's not actually there it really wouldn't make a lot of difference either way if you could actually see it...why would you believe me over your own eyes right? I would simply assume you were lying to trick me...so basically every time you actively shut her down you're teaching her not to trust you unless she understands that her brain isn't working...if that's the case she may actually ask for your help and that case you should help her honestly...OK so part two...going along with the stuff can be detrimental and make things more confusing if she regains awareness at some point so yeah don't pretend to see imaginary things but you can question the logic of some things. I don't mean run her down like a police interview but you can ask simple things like oh, the FBI is after you why do you think they are after you? So you're not confirming that you believe they are after her but instead asking why she thinks what she's thinking. Delusions are like facts in your brain they just are there isn't a logic to them the most you will be able to do is cause a little doubt they take months to undo and you'll probably just swap it out for another delusion. The reason why is unlikely to be rational it's probably something like I saw an airplane fly over the house. In a case like this my shrink would simply say...is that the only reason and leave it at that. She may figure it out or she may not...if she asks your opinion on It be honest but be gentle...you're not cross-examining a witness your trying to give her a pathway in the darkness. If her delusions are recurrent you may gain insight Into what is scaring her and be able to correct for it...ie move away from the airport if there are planes all the time etc. his might not be practical but there could be other solutions which would be easier to implement....getting a security system for example...

[DePressMe]

lorna, I've been delusional and had hallucinations. Part of getting better involved me first becoming aware that my delusions/hallucinations were not shared by others. Then, I had to accept that they were not true. It's always been important that pdocs/family/therapists reinforce reality but not deny that I was experiencing the delusions/hallucinations. They would be compassionate by saying they knew they were real to me but they would also point out how they were not real to the rest of the world. It's a process that takes time, but if you want to get better you have to do it. I think people who are going through this need professional help. This is probably not something you should try to manage on your own. I'm glad you are here asking questions and I hope you can fins some help for your mom......D.

[lorna]

Originally Posted by costello

You say your mom is delusional, then you say she's seeing things. Delusions and hallucinations are two different things, and I've heard they should be handled differently. I've been told not to argue with a delusion. But you can tell the person who is hallucinating that you don't see whatever it is they're seeing. I would never play along and pretend I saw something I didn't, but to tell your mom that what she's seeing isn't there denies her reality. Just say, "I don't see it."

Is this something new for your mom? How old is she?

ETA: Btw, that thing about not arguing with a delusion shouldn't be a hard and fast rule IMO. From what you say, your mom is hallucinating, not delusional. If she is truly delusional, I wouldn't just apply the 'don't argue with it' rule all the time.

ETA: I just re-read your post and saw the part about it going on for 6 months, so that answers one of my questions. But how old is she? Is she seeing a doctor?

My mom is in her late 80s, family doctor at this point, we don't gel well to say the least, most people would have run for the hills long ago. Its really bad at night, and she talks about it all the time to anyone who will listen. I have contacted my brother by email, no response 3 days now.

[costello]

Originally Posted by lorna

My mom is in her late 80s, family doctor at this point, we don't gel well to say the least, most people would have run for the hills long ago. Its really bad at night, and she talks about it all the time to anyone who will listen. I have contacted my brother by email, no response 3 days now.

Does your mom live with you? Does she need to be in a nursing home?

I read Oliver Sacks' book Hallucinations a year or so ago. As I recall there are a number of conditions that can lead to hallucinations in the elderly.

[lorna]

Originally Posted by costello

Does your mom live with you? Does she need to be in a nursing home?

I read Oliver Sacks' book Hallucinations a year or so ago. As I recall there are a number of conditions that can lead to hallucinations in the elderly.

Nope, she lives alone. She refuses to live with me and in any way be nice when I've tried. We will be exploring placement with a nurse next week. I am disabled and physically /mentally find this behavior harmful. She is very mean to me, and I know its with the condition.

[costello]

Originally Posted by lorna

Nope, she lives alone. She refuses to live with me and in any way be nice when I've tried. We will be exploring placement with a nurse next week. I am disabled and physically /mentally find this behavior harmful. She is very mean to me, and I know its with the condition.

Have you tried having her declared incompetent? Or contacting whatever agency in your state handles elders who are in need of assistance?

Do you have other family members who could take the lead in dealing with your mother?

It might be best if you don't have her live with you anyway.

[lorna]

Originally Posted by costello

Have you tried having her declared incompetent? Or contacting whatever agency in your state handles elders who are in need of assistance?

Do you have other family members who could take the lead in dealing with your mother?

It might be best if you don't have her live with you anyway.

Well funny you say this, we had an episode in the car, and pre to getting into it a few days back where she was going to talk to someone about what was going on....like her delusions, and like a stranger not a good situation in this very cold weather, and her eyesight. In the car it was just brutal, and I literally turned back and took her to our hospital. Surprised me there that they said that they couldn't take her in without her will, and I said if I get hurt from her bring her in, you need to help. I had 2 security guards help, she had problems waiting in the ER, saying she wasn't going to stay... and walking off. She went into another room, because of her blindness couldn't find the doorway, and she's quick... the entire room was aware of her. We waited 6hours there, sounded like they would have kept her, but had her sleep in the hallway. I am not strong enough to get her commited...but that means my life is on hold. They gave her an anti psychotic, seems to help 50% not as delusional still very very verbal. Did all the testing came up ok. I probably have made a mistake here, its hard to say. I am trying to feed her very well and make sure she takes her medication, but I feel like i'm dealing with a mean one year old. Logics are gone. I wanted to talk to the family doc who I trust, its sad my sibling is so avoidance in this situation, and was the same for my dad too. Not the first dementia we've dealt with, same situation couldn't commit...idk- I am completely and utterly exhausted. Family doc tends to follow the same, but maybe in this situation being the daughter and not well myself he may advise otherwise, I will listen to him. My dad had dementia but not verbal like this.

[costello]

That's just a sad situation, lorna. My mother is also showing signs of dementia but nothing like you describe. I think you should get some advice from groups that work with the elderly. It doesn't sound like she's competent to make her own decisions anymore.